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Pick of the week

15th April 2012

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Here's my pick of last weeks best stories and pictures.

Disclaimer: Any comments I make are purely satirical, totally without foundation, and indeed likely tapped in while I was thinking of something else entirely.

Needs lessons claims "ridiculous"
Cheryl Cole needs lessons claims "ridiculous". And here's a totally unrelated depiction of a handjob.

• X-Factor's Louis Walsh claimed Cheryl Cole needs vocal lessons, but have kissed & made up (

• Kris Humphries told Kim Kardashian's rapping boy-toy Kanye West 'Good luck, dude, you'll need it' (

That's timing! New season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians premiering in May, Kanye released a new album and suprise! They are dating!

• Jennifer Aniston gets another raunchy role (

Demi Lovato nearly ran over Paul McCartney ( Lindsay Lohan is on call to try again.

• It's Hayden Panettiere in a bikini! ( And here in HQ (

Britney Spears getting $15 Million to be X Factor judge (

• Artificial intelligence could be on brink of passing Turing test ( But like the rest of us, still fails CAPTCHA.

• Damien Hirst's Hymn defaced by Occupy protesters ( And he hadn't even threatened to sue them first! (

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Tags: Britney Spears, Cheryl Cole, Damien Hirst, Demi Lovato, Hayden Panettiere, Jennifer Aniston, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Paul McCartney, Turing test