Pick of the week
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Here's my pick of last weeks best quirky stories and pictures.
Disclaimer: Any comments I make are purely satirical, totally without foundation, and likely never recovered after Kim's booty double sat on them in The Gap anyway.
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This weeks stories & pics
Kim Kardashian settles Old Navy advert claim (celebrity.uk.msn.com).
Old Navy retorted her ass just didn't fit in parent company's The Gap anyway, which got Kimye thinking …
Kim Kardashian "trying to shrink her famous derriere for Kanye" (dailymail.co.uk).
"… said to be intent on shrinking what many consider to be her best asset, with the aim of being able to squeeze into clothes designed by her boyfriend Kanye West."
See, you too can imagine frustrated Kanye skipping around a sewing dummy matching various pieces of silk cloth to come up with a new design and then gasping and raising hands to his cheeks, realising the whole of China will have to simply be turned into one humungous silk farm!
OMG! Who's gonna make iPads!
Kim Kardashian—bikini photoshoot candids in Mexico (hotcelebshome.com).
But it's okay, someone's letting their Kardashian clan love flow …
Avril Lavigne gushes about Kylie Jenner's "edgy" style (uk.omg.yahoo.com).
That's a whole load of old men in open bathrobes on Chapopolis now thinking they are rather "edgy" too.
Jessica Alba goes blonde again for Sin City 2 (movies.uk.msn.com).
"The 31-year-old actress posted a series of photos on her Twitter as she embarked on her transformation from brunette to blonde as she prepared to reprise her role as stripper Nancy Callahan in Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez's follow-up to the 2005 neo-noir crime thriller."
Panned as a DJ, Paris Hilton relegated to 3D music video for Korean pop star (dailymail.co.uk).
Kim Jang Hoon's agency told the website: "We considered several Hollywood stars, such as Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson and Paris Hilton, for the role of lead actress in Kim's new music video. But a survey conducted in Korea showed that Paris Hilton was the most well-known, so we chose her."
Jessica Alba was busy going blonde and Scarlett had a dental appointment anyway I'm sure.
Newly 18 Courtney Stodden not going to say "yes", not going to say "no" to porn offers (thesuperficial.com).
52-year-old hubby's deaf-aid and reading glasses still missing.
Rita Ora has a phobia of the throne (celebrity.uk.msn.com).
"I always feel that when I go to the toilet that something's going to come out of the bottom. I have this thing where I think this tunnel must start from somewhere and sometimes I think, 'What if something comes out of the toilet?'"
It's true! There could be a fucking python or something down there! Or a paparazzi! Don't lift the lid!
Rita Ora, smiley appearance at HMV, London (vybzmagazine.com).
Lindsay Lohan cleared of the jewellery theft after victim "declares love for her" (thesuperficial.com) but …
banned from Chateau Marmont after dodging $46,000 bill (uk.omg.yahoo.com) and …
I'm sure someone in Tinseltown is scripting a reboot of the Pink Panther franchise based on all this; if not, then why not?
.:: Top column 2 ::.
And speaking of reboots …
Rihanna wants role in Scarface reboot (movies.uk.msn.com).
"The Sun reports that Rihanna would love to play Elvira Hancock, who was played by Michelle Pfeiffer in the 1983 movie about Cuban gangster Tony Montana."
For many I'm sure RiRi reprising that role will be a case of "say hello to my little friend!"
Reboot fever tugs porn too …
Porn classic Behind the Green Door remade by Vivid Entertainment (egotastic.com).
"… Vivid's remake of the 70's classic adult film, Behind the Green Door, with Marilyn Chambers (star of the original) own daughter helping to select her mom's star-making lead role."
Will they recreate those multicolored, slow-motion money shots though?
LeAnn Rimes showed off her bikini body on Twitter (vybzmagazine.com).
Amanda Seyfried makes a cone very, very happy! (hawtcelebs.com).
Miley Cyrus is showing her ass cheeks again (hotcelebshome.com).
Brits renting more erotic movies thanks to Fifty Shades Of Grey (movies.uk.msn.com, thank you Claire-bear).
Good news for adventuresome British couples, and having made £20million in 18 months, great news for E.L. James!
At least 50 Shades richer: How self-publishing made E.L. James £20million in 18 months (uk.finance.yahoo.com).
And doesn't it really seem to make some jealous old men people sick. Good on you, girl!
Let's finish with a bit of art and tech
Damien Hirst was once a serious artist consumed by the terror of death. Now he's blown it, says Jonahan, he's insulted John Noakes! (guardian.co.uk).
"Get down, Shep!"
Like the web today? Thank Internet Explorer (webmonkey.com).
Yes, yes, I can hear teeth nashing but, as highlighted, "Ajax, the Document Object Model (DOM) and CSS are all things that early versions of Internet Explorer helped to popularize."
Credit where credit is due then, but the strategy for the recent "a more beautiful web" TV adverts for IE seems to be "look, its got Iron Man on there!" rather than anything the browser actually does, which for me is reminiscent of some of the Windows upgrade spiels where the highlights were "look, it's got a better calculator!"
If you are a regular reader, you may know my preference for Mozilla's Firefox, but I've lamented that once much-loved browser's current foot-wound.
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