Pick of the week
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Here's my grab-bag pick of last weeks best celebrity gossip, scandals, arts, entertainment sexiness, & just plain quirky stories and pictures. A weekly round-up for busy pervs! There's pictures—reading optional.
Disclaimer: Any comments I make are purely satirical, totally without foundation, and likely nothing more than this.
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This weeks stories & pics
Everyone want’s a piece of Cara Delevingne & Love gets it—topless! (egotastic.com).
"She’s all the rage at fashion week, magazine spreads, lingerie pictorials, and all around partying at fancy clubs in London type activity that has this girl all the talk of the modeling world. Everybody wants a piece of Cara. Rihanna even chose her as the face and body of her recent fashion line launch in the U.K."
It sure is mirthful Cara Delevingne’s (pronounced de-le-veen) year it seems, and she’s not making it bad for us. But is only "wifey" Rita Ora getting the full monte? (thesun.co.uk).
*Sigh* Yeah, me too.
Pudgy? No, not at all. But not quite the follow up to Drake’s vagina invitation I was hoping for, but there you go. Here’s the pics though.
Rihanna tweeted some diamond sweet licking (entertainment.uk.msn.com) …
And Jessie J dyed her crew cut blonde (style.uk.msn.com) before furiously shining her own diamond at that tweet.
Here’s RiRi on her Rihanna Diamonds tour in St-Paul (imgcelebs.info).
Is Lindsay Lohan still drinking despite court order? (entertainment.uk.msn.com).
"Lindsay Lohan has been spied knocking back the vodkas, despite being sentenced this week to 90 days of lockdown rehab …"
Ah, but that’s because rehab would make her miss Coachella! (thesuperficial.com).
"Lindsay was adamant that she not be forced to go to rehab until after the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival …. Lindsay LOVES going to the musical festival, and she’s determined to go this year."
Indeed, what is a girl to do. And besides, she’s got a gig in Brazil (dailymail.co.uk).
"The 26-year-old actress has apparently secured an endorsement deal in the ‘low six-figures’ to hawk a clothing line in Brazil …."
Here’s Lindsay at the John John photocall in Sao Paulo (hawtcelebs.com).
I was hoping it would be some kind of string Brazilian bikini which would bare what Playboy didn’t dare because I never tire of seeing her ginger minge, but such is life.
She’s not the only one cashing in though: Her estranged dad, Michael Lohan, fears she will die young and join the 27 Club (celebrity.uk.msn.com).
"‘I hate to refer to Amy Winehouse, but she was so talented and wouldn’t listen either, then she passed away’, he told The Metro, referring to Lindsay’s recent string of nights out despite her looming rehab stint."
What an ’orible thing to say. He then allegedly attempted to grab the microphone a perform an impromptu song and dance routine with a large gold medallion about his neck.
Then, the strange Lindsay under the Sao Paulo nightclub table snap appeared. Was she out on a bender seeking refuge from vodka-sniffing paps? Why was Lindsay under the table? (tmz.com)
"LiLo got down and seemingly dirty on the floor of a nightclub hours after her arrival. As for why she did it, according to a roughly-translated Brazilian website, Lindsay refused to take photos with people at the club and instead hid under the table like a 4-year-old petulant child."
So in other words she was trying to do what she was being paid to do, which amounts to being rolled out and paid for photo opportunities. Hey, it beats that Bar Mitzvah thing the other agency tried to line her up with! Poor LiLo.
But, spying an opportunity to make a
play difference, this of course
set Michael Lohan off again in an warning to her booker Mike Heller (dailymail.co.uk).
"Michael wrote an open letter on the Huffington Post: ‘I am telling you now if you are with Lindsay in Rio or you booked it, and anything happens to my daughter, I am holding you personally responsible …’"
I think they got it wrong. I think she’s hiding under the table from him.
Meanwhile master tailor-rapper Kanye West magnanimously decided not to remind us he is in fact God Almighty with his new album title (uk.eonline.com).
"Although BBC News reported that Kim Kardashian’s boyfriend was considering calling his upcoming album I Am God, a source tells E! News this is not true."
You wait till they cast him in the re-boot of The Ten Commandments, rapping down those rules to Moses from the summit of Mount Sinai in a white and purple ensemble with meerkat fur collar and 14-hole combat boots that’ll make all below look totally ghetto!
But the attention wasn’t so good for all, as Khloe Kardashian fell victim to the mother of all wardrobe malfunctions, being a gust of wind that blew her dress up to reveal her pair of nude Spanx (dailymail.co.uk).
Yeah, she does look rather pissed in one of those; I'm sure she’d have rather shown her bare flange too.
Hey, here’s the pics (hawtcelebs.com).
Vanessa Hudgens bust out her booty poppin’ dance for Leno (popoholic.com).
Madame Tussauds New York unveils it’s new Britney Spears waxwork (gossipcenter.com) …
And London’s conjured an Emma Watson (celebrity.uk.msn.com).
Oh, and speaking of Emma, Anonymous hackers release further proof of Emma Watson’s engagement in Fifty Shades of Grey role with bondage image! (chinny-reckon.com)
Lena Headey got down to her undies for Esquire (gotceleb.com).
Best known for Game of Thrones and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles of course.
.:: Top column 2 ::.
Other celeb Easter pics were less egg'tastic: Battle of the Easter bunnys! Celeb land goes bunny ear MAD this Easter! (uk.omg.yahoo.com).
Hmmm. Paris showed some boobage, but old Hugh Hefner kinda of photobombed that without even trying—or moving.
Deep Throat porn actor Harry Reems died after turbulent life (reuters.com).
"His death comes just months before the release of "Lovelace", a biographical film starring Amanda Seyfried in the title role and Adam Brody as Reems which will put the spotlight back on one of the 1970s’ most active porn actors."
Arts, tech. & funnies
"During the gruelling defeat by world No 36 Alize Cornet under the Florida sun, the Ohio native was stung by a wasp on her backside."
What a bummer!
Bill Gates offers $100,000 to reward to new condom creator (news.uk.msn.com).
"Working through his charity, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, Gates hopes to improve the quality of modern contraceptives, thereby encouraging their use and reducing the risk of sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies."
Well, let’s just be sure it is’nt a re-boot of the femidom which in application and resemblance is reminiscent of shoving a plastic bag in!
“Using everything from atom-thick graphene to the humble beef tendon, designers are competing to make a next-generation condom that ‘significantly enhances pleasure’”
Yeah, okay, it being the Windows creator I missed cracking one about the super-thin material gaining a blue-sheen-of-death upon
crashing splitting and requiring a pull out and erectorial reboot.
Sex toys help singers hit the high notes (web.orange.co.uk).
" A Canadian voice coach is creating a buzz with his unusual technique of using vibrators to help his students hit the high notes. University of Alberta drama professor David Ley uses the sex toys to massage the throats of actors and singers."
Yep, he’s enjoying that far too much isn’t he. What do you think, Avril? Are you hittin’ those high notes?
Pompeii and Herculaneum exhibition at the British Museum (guardian.co.uk).
"A major exhibition on the Roman cities of Pompeii and Herculaneum, buried by the volcanic eruption of Mount Vesuvius in 79AD, is being held at the British Museum in London."
Yes, that is an actual dog encased in ash, not a statue. There are people too. I saw this when I was taken to Mount Vesuvius on a family holiday to Italy when I was a kid, and I can honestly say it was one of the most surreal but profoundly saddening sights you will ever see—I've kept the guide book to this day.
You can read (and see) a little more about what happened here (dynamitetravels.com). Hey, you’ll get to see "Pan And The Goat" too at the exhibition (is in the video).
“A special programme, Pompeii Live at the British Museum, will be broadcast live by satellite to over 280 cinemas across the UK and Ireland on 18 June. It will give audiences a chance to see some of the remarkable items that have survived for almost 2,000 years, and which offer a tantalising glimpse of Roman life.”
Steve Jobs returns as manga hero in Japanese biography (tech.uk.msn.com).
"‘… rendered as a cute, doe-eyed kid who worries about whether his adoptive parents love him’, writes Byford, and ‘once Jobs is of college age, Yamazaki swiftly transforms him into the type of character any teenage reader could fall in love with’"
I guess that will #GoDownWellOnTwitter
Sweden scraps new word after Google protests (news.uk.msn.com).
"Among the words on the most recent list was "ogooglebar", which translates roughly as "ungoolegable" … Google asked for this to be changed so it only covered searches done using Google itself."
They wanted you to sign-in with your Real-Name when you spoke it too. I don’t know anyone from Sweden so I can’t ask them to say it for me, which is a damn shame.
“Ungoogleability increasingly means privacy, says Cameron Hulett, executive director of digital marketing company Undertone.”
"Forget speculation—RockYou gave us a list of actual passwords picked by actual people."
Anti-spammers Spamhaus hit by cyber assault (news.uk.msn.com).
"Spamhaus, a site responsible for keeping ads for counterfeit Viagra and bogus weight-loss pills out of the world's inboxes, said it had been buffeted by the monster denial-of-service attack since mid-March, apparently from groups angry at being blacklisted by the Swiss-British group."
But could the Spamhaus DDoS attack could have been prevented? (news.cnet.com).
So yes but no then. Not until we realise the internet equivalent of San Francisco is about to fall into the sea. Until then, don’t upset any scammers or anyone with a botnet and an ideological axe to grind.
Oh, okay. Anonymous hackers haven’t really got picture proof of Emma Watson in Fifty Shades of Grey (across to the left there in first column). It’s that day of course.
Here’s some of the best April Fools’ Day prank stories from the web (tech.uk.msn.com).
My pick has to be the Treasure layer found in Google Maps.
"Archeological analysis has confirmed that our Google Maps Street View team has indeed found one of history’s long lost relics: a treasure map belonging to the infamous pirate, William ‘Captain’ Kidd, …"
Trivia for you: Captain Kidd was gibbeted in the town of my birth.
The tabloids get a mention too with The Current Bun’s Jodie Marsh reveals her fake tan is made by Ronseal (thesun.co.uk) and The Mirror offering Virgin launch new jet with SEE-THROUGH floor (mirror.co.uk, thank you ClairBear).
The more serious papers got in on it too, with The Guardian launching "augmented reality" specs to offer immersive liberal insight (guardian.co.uk) and The Telegraph annoucing government plan’s to appoint "Lights Tsar" to get Britain switching off and Sir Cameron Mackintosh’s musical The Coalition (telegraph.co.uk).
Hope none of you got caught out with any nasty pranks.
With 3D printining seemingly on the brink of being a mass consumer proposition, US gadget retailer ThinkGeek gave Play-Doh 3D Printer—iPad compatable (thinkgeek.com).
"The troubled star wrote: ‘It's official. Pregnant…’ Despite the fact she made the tweet on April Fools’ Day—which would have made it an obvious joke—she posted it way too late: the traditional cut-off point for pranks on 1 April is midday."
Awww heck, who get’s up before midday?
Catch snaps & stories for next month’s picks daily in latest picks.
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