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Pick of the week

Pick of the week

1st April 2013

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Here's my grab-bag pick of last weeks best celebrity gossip, scandals, arts, entertainment sexiness, & just plain quirky stories and pictures. A weekly round-up for busy pervs! There's pictures—reading optional.

Disclaimer: Any comments I make are purely satirical, totally without foundation, and likely nothing more than this.

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This weeks stories & pics

Lindsay Lohan, all-fours
The Brazilian clothing photoshoot wasn’t quite what Lindsay had imagined.

Cara Delevingne, topless for Love magazine

Everyone want’s a piece of Cara Delevingne & Love gets it—topless! (

"She’s all the rage at fashion week, magazine spreads, lingerie pictorials, and all around partying at fancy clubs in London type activity that has this girl all the talk of the modeling world. Everybody wants a piece of Cara. Rihanna even chose her as the face and body of her recent fashion line launch in the U.K."

It sure is mirthful Cara Delevingne’s (pronounced de-le-veen) year it seems, and she’s not making it bad for us. But is only "wifey" Rita Ora getting the full monte? (

*Sigh* Yeah, me too.

Recent/related stories:

Pick of the week: illustrated sexy celebrity entertainment and quirky stories
Pick of the week: illustrated sexy celebrity entertainment and quirky stories
Amanda Bynes self-shot boob tweets

Amanda Bynes tweeted self-pics claiming she is "looking pudgy", oh, and showing a lot of boobage (

Pudgy? No, not at all. But not quite the follow up to Drake’s vagina invitation I was hoping for, but there you go. Here’s the pics though.

1 | 2 (

Amanda Bynes out in New York

And here’s a rather sad faced Amanda out in New York in the same top and showing some lovely leg (

Recent/related stories:

Did Amanda Bynes just walk out naked at a spray-tan salon? (Pick of the Week, 6th November 2012)
Rihanna licking diamond sweet

Rihanna tweeted some diamond sweet licking ( …

Jessie J dyed her crew cut blonde

And Jessie J dyed her crew cut blonde ( before furiously shining her own diamond at that tweet.

Rihanna, Diamonds tour, St-Paul

Here’s RiRi on her Rihanna Diamonds tour in St-Paul (

Recent/related stories:

Lindsay Lohan allegedly still drinking despite rehab plea deal

Is Lindsay Lohan still drinking despite court order? (

"Lindsay Lohan has been spied knocking back the vodkas, despite being sentenced this week to 90 days of lockdown rehab …"

Ah, but that’s because rehab would make her miss Coachella! (

"Lindsay was adamant that she not be forced to go to rehab until after the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival …. Lindsay LOVES going to the musical festival, and she’s determined to go this year."

Indeed, what is a girl to do. And besides, she’s got a gig in Brazil (

"The 26-year-old actress has apparently secured an endorsement deal in the ‘low six-figures’ to hawk a clothing line in Brazil …."
Lindsay Lohan, John John photocall in Sao Paulo

Here’s Lindsay at the John John photocall in Sao Paulo (

I was hoping it would be some kind of string Brazilian bikini which would bare what Playboy didn’t dare because I never tire of seeing her ginger minge, but such is life.

Michael Lohan worried about Lindsay joining 27 club

She’s not the only one cashing in though: Her estranged dad, Michael Lohan, fears she will die young and join the 27 Club (

"‘I hate to refer to Amy Winehouse, but she was so talented and wouldn’t listen either, then she passed away’, he told The Metro, referring to Lindsay’s recent string of nights out despite her looming rehab stint."

What an ’orible thing to say. He then allegedly attempted to grab the microphone a perform an impromptu song and dance routine with a large gold medallion about his neck.

Why was Lindsay under the table?

Then, the strange Lindsay under the Sao Paulo nightclub table snap appeared. Was she out on a bender seeking refuge from vodka-sniffing paps? Why was Lindsay under the table? (

"LiLo got down and seemingly dirty on the floor of a nightclub hours after her arrival. As for why she did it, according to a roughly-translated Brazilian website, Lindsay refused to take photos with people at the club and instead hid under the table like a 4-year-old petulant child."

So in other words she was trying to do what she was being paid to do, which amounts to being rolled out and paid for photo opportunities. Hey, it beats that Bar Mitzvah thing the other agency tried to line her up with! Poor LiLo.

Michael Lohan warning to Lindsay’s booker

But, spying an opportunity to make a play difference, this of course set Michael Lohan off again in an warning to her booker Mike Heller (

"Michael wrote an open letter on the Huffington Post: ‘I am telling you now if you are with Lindsay in Rio or you booked it, and anything happens to my daughter, I am holding you personally responsible …’"

I think they got it wrong. I think she’s hiding under the table from him.

Recent/related stories:

LiLo accepted rehab plea deal to dodge jail (Pick of the Week, 25th March)
Kim Kardashian’s boobs still swelling

Kim Kardashian went on showing off her massive boobs as her cup size continued to swell ( …

Kanye West not reminding us he is God

Meanwhile master tailor-rapper Kanye West magnanimously decided not to remind us he is in fact God Almighty with his new album title (

"Although BBC News reported that Kim Kardashian’s boyfriend was considering calling his upcoming album I Am God, a source tells E! News this is not true."

You wait till they cast him in the re-boot of The Ten Commandments, rapping down those rules to Moses from the summit of Mount Sinai in a white and purple ensemble with meerkat fur collar and 14-hole combat boots that’ll make all below look totally ghetto!

Gust of wind showed Khloe Kardashian’s spanx

But the attention wasn’t so good for all, as Khloe Kardashian fell victim to the mother of all wardrobe malfunctions, being a gust of wind that blew her dress up to reveal her pair of nude Spanx (

Yeah, she does look rather pissed in one of those; I'm sure she’d have rather shown her bare flange too.

Recent/related stories:

Helen Flanagan, holiday in Dubai

Corrie’s Helen Flanagan proved she’s mastered the art of slow mo bikini running on holiday in Dubai (

Hey, here’s the pics (

Info: Helen Flanagan (
Vanessa Hudgens booty poppin’ for Leno

Vanessa Hudgens bust out her booty poppin’ dance for Leno (

Recent/related stories:

Madame Tussauds New York unveils it’s new Britney Spears waxwork

Madame Tussauds New York unveils it’s new Britney Spears waxwork ( …

Emma Watson waxwork at Madame Tussauds London

And London’s conjured an Emma Watson (

Recent/related stories:

Rihanna got two waxworks at Madame Tussauds (Pick of the Week, 19th November 2012)
Former Miss Universe Ximena Navarrete got a waxwork (Latina Pick of the Week, 31st October 2012)
Lena Headey, Esquire

Lena Headey got down to her undies for Esquire (

Best known for Game of Thrones and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles of course.

Info: Lena Headey (

.:: Top column 2 ::.
Micaela Schaefer body-painted titties for Easter

Micaela Schaefer gave body-painted titties at the Brandenburg Gate for Easter! (

Updated 2nd April 2013.
Paris Hilton, Easter bunny

Other celeb Easter pics were less egg'tastic: Battle of the Easter bunnys! Celeb land goes bunny ear MAD this Easter! (

Hmmm. Paris showed some boobage, but old Hugh Hefner kinda of photobombed that without even trying—or moving.

Wonder Woman XXX parody

The Wonder Woman XXX parody goes where NBC’s 2011 Wonder Woman series pilot didn’t—i.e. somewhere (

Deep Throat porn actor Harry Reems died

Deep Throat porn actor Harry Reems died after turbulent life (

"His death comes just months before the release of "Lovelace", a biographical film starring Amanda Seyfried in the title role and Adam Brody as Reems which will put the spotlight back on one of the 1970s’ most active porn actors."
Info: Harry Reems (

Recent/related stories:

Arts, tech. & funnies

Stinging defeat for tennis star

Tennis star Lauren Davis suffered a stinging defeat—after she was stung on the bum by a wasp! (

"During the gruelling defeat by world No 36 Alize Cornet under the Florida sun, the Ohio native was stung by a wasp on her backside."

What a bummer!

Updated 18th March 2014.
Story link changed.
Bill Gates offered $100,000 to come up with new condom

Bill Gates offers $100,000 to reward to new condom creator (

"Working through his charity, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, Gates hopes to improve the quality of modern contraceptives, thereby encouraging their use and reducing the risk of sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies."

Well, let’s just be sure it is’nt a re-boot of the femidom which in application and resemblance is reminiscent of shoving a plastic bag in!

Updated 13th December 2013.
“Using everything from atom-thick graphene to the humble beef tendon, designers are competing to make a next-generation condom that ‘significantly enhances pleasure’”

Yeah, okay, it being the Windows creator I missed cracking one about the super-thin material gaining a blue-sheen-of-death upon crashing splitting and requiring a pull out and erectorial reboot.

Sex toys help singers hit the high notes

Sex toys help singers hit the high notes (

" A Canadian voice coach is creating a buzz with his unusual technique of using vibrators to help his students hit the high notes. University of Alberta drama professor David Ley uses the sex toys to massage the throats of actors and singers."

Yep, he’s enjoying that far too much isn’t he. What do you think, Avril? Are you hittin’ those high notes?

Pompeii and Herculaneum exhibition at the British Museum

Pompeii and Herculaneum exhibition at the British Museum (

"A major exhibition on the Roman cities of Pompeii and Herculaneum, buried by the volcanic eruption of Mount Vesuvius in 79AD, is being held at the British Museum in London."

Yes, that is an actual dog encased in ash, not a statue. There are people too. I saw this when I was taken to Mount Vesuvius on a family holiday to Italy when I was a kid, and I can honestly say it was one of the most surreal but profoundly saddening sights you will ever see—I've kept the guide book to this day.

You can read (and see) a little more about what happened here ( Hey, you’ll get to see "Pan And The Goat" too at the exhibition (is in the video).

Updated 14th June 2013.

Bacchus and followers, depicted on a marble wall panel from the House of the Dionysiac Reliefs, Herculaneum, 1st century AD
Pompeii in pictures (
“A special programme, Pompeii Live at the British Museum, will be broadcast live by satellite to over 280 cinemas across the UK and Ireland on 18 June. It will give audiences a chance to see some of the remarkable items that have survived for almost 2,000 years, and which offer a tantalising glimpse of Roman life.”

Recent/related stories:

Steve Jobs returns as manga hero

Steve Jobs returns as manga hero in Japanese biography (

"‘… rendered as a cute, doe-eyed kid who worries about whether his adoptive parents love him’, writes Byford, and ‘once Jobs is of college age, Yamazaki swiftly transforms him into the type of character any teenage reader could fall in love with’"

I guess that will #GoDownWellOnTwitter

Sweden scraps new word after Google protests

Sweden scraps new word after Google protests (

"Among the words on the most recent list was "ogooglebar", which translates roughly as "ungoolegable" … Google asked for this to be changed so it only covered searches done using Google itself."

They wanted you to sign-in with your Real-Name when you spoke it too. I don’t know anyone from Sweden so I can’t ask them to say it for me, which is a damn shame.

Updated 13th July 2013.
“Ungoogleability increasingly means privacy, says Cameron Hulett, executive director of digital marketing company Undertone.”

Recent/related stories:

How the RockYou aftermath changed password cracking

How the RockYou aftermath changed password cracking (and how it should make us change our passwords) (

"Forget speculation—RockYou gave us a list of actual passwords picked by actual people."

Recent/related stories:

Anti-spammers Spamhaus hit by cyber assault

Anti-spammers Spamhaus hit by cyber assault (

"Spamhaus, a site responsible for keeping ads for counterfeit Viagra and bogus weight-loss pills out of the world's inboxes, said it had been buffeted by the monster denial-of-service attack since mid-March, apparently from groups angry at being blacklisted by the Swiss-British group."

But could the Spamhaus DDoS attack could have been prevented? (

So yes but no then. Not until we realise the internet equivalent of San Francisco is about to fall into the sea. Until then, don’t upset any scammers or anyone with a botnet and an ideological axe to grind.

Study showed strong social ties impede spread of rumours

Study showed strong social ties impede spread of rumours (

"Strong ties between individuals can actually hinder the spread of information through a network, a study has shown."

You don’t say? Actually, I'm not quite sure what that study is trying to say. Is it suggesting strong social ties on social networks are a good thing, or not, in that they hold back tides of rumours—a term interchangeable with information it seems—from capsizing someones account . Given that the impetus of social netwoks is popularity judged by your follower count, I think more insightful research would have been "are strong ties possible on social networks?"


Oh, okay. Anonymous hackers haven’t really got picture proof of Emma Watson in Fifty Shades of Grey (across to the left there in first column). It’s that day of course.

Google’s long-lost Captain Kidd treasure map

Here’s some of the best April Fools’ Day prank stories from the web (

My pick has to be the Treasure layer found in Google Maps.

"Archeological analysis has confirmed that our Google Maps Street View team has indeed found one of history’s long lost relics: a treasure map belonging to the infamous pirate, William ‘Captain’ Kidd, …"

Trivia for you: Captain Kidd was gibbeted in the town of my birth.

Jodie Marsh, fake tan by Ronseal

The tabloids get a mention too with The Current Bun’s Jodie Marsh reveals her fake tan is made by Ronseal ( and The Mirror offering Virgin launch new jet with SEE-THROUGH floor (, thank you ClairBear).

Guardian augmented reality specs

The more serious papers got in on it too, with The Guardian launching "augmented reality" specs to offer immersive liberal insight ( and The Telegraph annoucing government plan’s to appoint "Lights Tsar" to get Britain switching off and Sir Cameron Mackintosh’s musical The Coalition (

Hope none of you got caught out with any nasty pranks.

Updated 2nd April 2013.
Play-Doh 3D Printer

With 3D printining seemingly on the brink of being a mass consumer proposition, US gadget retailer ThinkGeek gave Play-Doh 3D Printer—iPad compatable (

I want!

Lindsay Lohan, April’s fool
Oops! LiLo got in on it—but too late! (
"The troubled star wrote: ‘It's official. Pregnant…’ Despite the fact she made the tweet on April Fools’ Day—which would have made it an obvious joke—she posted it way too late: the traditional cut-off point for pranks on 1 April is midday."

Awww heck, who get’s up before midday?

Catch snaps & stories for next month’s picks daily in latest picks.

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Tags: Amanda Bynes, Britney Spears, Cara Delevingne, Emma Watson, Helen Flanagan, Jessie J, Khloe Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, Lena Headey, Lindsay Lohan, Micaela Schaefer, Paris Hilton, Rihanna, Vanessa Hudgens.


Illustrations, paintings, and cartoons featuring caricatured celebrities are intended purely as parody and fantasised depictions often relating to a particular news story, and often parodying said story and the media and pop cultural representation of said celebrity as much as anything else. Who am I really satirising? Read more.

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