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Pick of the week

Pick of the Week

3rd June 2013

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Here’s my grab-bag pick of last weeks best celebrity gossip, scandals, arts, entertainment sexiness, & just plain quirky stories and pictures. A weekly round-up for busy pervs! There’s pictures—reading optional.

Disclaimer: Any comments I make are purely satirical, totally without foundation, and likely just jealousy of that monkey’s nice coat!

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This weeks stories & pics

Amanda Bynes facial
“… then locked up overnight for coming home after a facial and working out with my trainer like the good girl that I am.”—Amanda Bynes
Amanda Bynes’ Twitter feuds: who’s next?

Amanda Bynes’ Twitter feuds: who’s next? (

“In between run-ins with the law, troubled actress Amanda Bynes has been using Twitter as a battleground, picking fights with celebrities and lashing out at anyone who shows concern.”

Perhaps it’s easy to judge when you are not going through those problems yourself. I still feel perhaps Twitter should take the initiative here: I’m sure if it were you or I doing this we’d find our account suspended pretty pronto.

Of course, I couldn’t let the innuendo here go without graphical comment. Amanda suing the New York Police Department after recent arrest (

“… then locked up overnight for coming home after a facial and working out with my trainer like the good girl that I am.”

Oh, crikey!

Recent/related stories:

Amanda Bynes was arrested for bong-tossing (Pick of the Week, 28th May)
Amanda Bynes got half naked on Twitter! (Pick of the Week, 7th May)
Pick of the week: illustrated sexy celebrity entertainment and quirky stories
Pick of the week: illustrated sexy celebrity entertainment and quirky stories
Rita Ora, Chime For Change concert

Stars rocked Twickenham for Chime For Change charity (

“Beyonce Knowles and Jennifer Lopez were among the performers at Saturday’s Chime For Change concert, a star-studded event at London’s Twickenham Stadium that saw a host of celebrities appear in aid of a global campaign for girls’ and women’s empowerment.”
Beyoncé, Chime For Change concert

Much raised for a worthy, essential cause.

Here’s Beyoncé …

Jennifer Lopez, Chime For Change concert

And Jennifer Lopez (

Jennifer Lopez, Chime For Change concert

Updated 4th June 2013.
More J-Lo (

Chime for Change promotes education, health and justice for girls and women everywhere. You can find out more at the official site at

Jennifer Lopez defended Britain’s Got Talent outfit

Jennifer Lopez defended getting her bum out on Britain’s Got Talent (

“Jennifer Lopez was asked to wear the revealing costume which left her bum on show on Tuesday night by Britain’s Got Talent bosses.”

Well I thank you for it, J.Lo! It was, if you did not see, a black version of the red costume she wore for the Billboard Music Awards last week.

Jennifer Lopez, Britain’s Got Talent

You can check it out at your leisure here with pictures and a video link (celebrityoopsdigest

Updated 12th March 2014.
Images link changed.

Recent/related stories:

Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj quit American Idol

They’re done: Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj officially quit American Idol (

Is it a case of them jumping before they were pushed?

Recent/related stories:

American Idoljudges getting fired? (Pick of the Week, 7th May)
Rihanna tops Complex’s 100 Hottest Women Right Now list

Rihanna topped Complex’s 100 Hottest Women Right Now list (

Maxim’s topper, Miley Cyrus only managed ninth place and FHM’s Mila Kunis fourteenth.

Recent/related stories:

Miley Cyrus topped Maxim Hot 100 list (Pick of the Week, 13th May)
Cassie, Esquire

Cassie sideboob was sextastic for Esquire (

Tulisa Contostavlos, Marbella

Tulisa Contostavlos got her bikini on in a Marbella break after split from Danny Simpson ( but…

Tulisa Contostavlos burnt bum

Burnt her bum (


Here’s the pics (

The Current Bun then tried to arrange a perhaps longer future break for her with a cocaine deal sting (

Tulisa Contostavlos cocaine deal sting
“The singer was taped telling undercover Sun reporters at London’s posh Nobu restaurant: ‘Half my phone book sells it. Of course I can get it for you.’”

Double oops!

Updated 21st July 2014.
Tulisa Contostavlos cocaine sting trial collapses
“Former X Factor judge Tulisa Contostavlos condemned under cover reporter Mazher Mahmood, known as the Fake Sheikh, for ‘openly lying’ to the judge and jury, as her trial for allegedly brokering a drugs deal collapsed.”

A case of fake Sheikh, rattle and bog roll, which is pretty much what the Current Bun is used for in greasy transport cafes country-wide.

Updated 10th December 2013.
Tulisa Contostavlos cocaine sting trial date set for July
“She was told [in court] her trial is expected to take place on July 14—the day after her 26th birthday.”
Updated 9th December 2013.
The Crown Prosecution Service announced: “We have determined that there is sufficient evidence for a realistic prospect of conviction and that a prosecution is in the public interest.”
Updated 13th June 2013.

Catch up with more on this story in Pick of the Week 10th June.

Updated 4th June 2013.
“[Met Police] statement reads: ‘Officers from Westminster have today, Tuesday 4 June, arrested two people—a 35-year-old man [A] and a 24-year-old woman [B]—by appointment at a central London police station on suspicion of being concerned in the supply of Class A drugs.’”
Tulisa Contostavlos arrested

I guess Tulisa’s desperately desired Hollywood star turned out to neon, and it just blinked out (

“She told The Sun reporter that if she appeared in a film it would be ‘front page in every newspaper. Every person in the UK would want to watch it and see why the hell has she left the X Factor to do what.’”

Recent/related stories:

Kim Kardashian gust of wind almost oops

Kim Kardashian nearly flashed her baby maker (

Recent/related stories:

Britney Spears, Rancho Palos Verdes

Britney Spears got her bikini on at Rancho Palos Verdes (

Recent/related stories:

Jennifer Nicole Lee flashed her beaver on Miami Beach

Jennifer Nicole Lee flashed her beaver on Miami Beach (

Want to find out a bit more about Jennifer, like, just how big are they? (

Recent/related stories:

Jennifer Nicole Lee raised many a British pole (Pick of the Week, 25th March)
Joanna Krupa topless poolside in Miami

Joanna Krupa went topless poolside in Miami (

Recent/related stories:

Joanna Krupa gave some ass’tastic bikini candids in Miami (Pick of the Week, 24th December 2012)
Candice Swanepoel, Miami

Candice Swanepoel gave some ass’tastic candids in Miami (

I gotta go to Miami!

Recent/related stories:

McCord sisters bikini hotness

AnnaLynne McCord and her sisters gave some beach bikini hotness (

Recent/related stories:

The Cheeky Girls bankrupted by their boobs

The Cheeky Girls told of their anorexia hell and how they were bankrupted by their boobs (

“‘Not even the size of a cherry!’ cries Monica. ‘And we were not looking sexy enough for them.’ ‘So basically, we bankrupted ourselves for our boobs,’ says Gabriela.”

Remember them? “Touch My Bum” and all that? A truely awful tale indeed, all the more tragic in that Gabriela admits “I’d probably still do it, so what the hell?”.

Flavia Cacace and Vincent Simone named Rear of the Year

Strictly Come Dancing duo Flavia Cacace and Vincent Simone named Rear of the Year (

No, me neither. Congratulations though. You can cast your vote for next year at the official site.

.:: Top column 2 ::.
Farrah Abraham attended Exxxotica Convention

Farrah Abraham attended Exxxotica Convention to promote her porno sex tape (

Unsure if her Backdoor Teen Mom costar will be making an appearance, Farrah said of James Deen:

“He was gentle because I made him be gentle, but I think in life he has more of an anger issue which makes him not so gentle.”

She said he had a small dinkle too (, but having seen the feature, her “hired” companion didn’t look so small when he was gently hammering it up her backdoor.

Updated 10th June 2013.

Some have commented disparagingly that Farrah was charging for autographs. I recall similar remarks were made of Heroes Hayden Panettiere a few years back and a convention-goer’s reminder that, in fact, most celebs that appear at conventions now do charge for autographs (

Recent/related stories:

Vanessa Hudgens gave some furry cosplay goodness

Vanessa Hudgens gave some furry cosplay goodness (

Recent/related stories:

Vanessa Hudgens came out for Coachella (Pick of the Week, 23rd April)
Courtney Stodden naked for E!

Courtney Stodden got naked for E! (

Recent/related stories:

Kimberley Garner, Cannes

Kimberley Garner was the best advert for her own designs in Cannes (

“From tiny monokinis to even smaller Brazilian style bikinis, Kimberley has been working on her Kimberley London line for the past few months to perfect her designs.”

Recent/related stories:

Kimberley Garner gave an upskirt in London (Pick of the Week, 13th March)
Heidi Klum beset by topless protestors

Heidi Klum got an eyeful of boobies when two topless women protestors ran onstage during the finale of Germany’s Next Top Model (

“It was quite a scene … the bare-breasted women got right in Heidi’s face … exposing messages written on their chests, like ‘HEIDI HORROR PICTURE SHOW.’ ”

Recent/related stories:

Heidi Klum considers legal action over topless photos (Pick of the Week, 24th September 2012)

Arts, tech. & funnies

Lawyers warn over lads mag sales

Lawyers warn over lads mag sales (

“Campaigners are warning high street retailers to remove magazines that display naked and near-naked images on their covers or face the risk of legal action.”

Obviously I have no issue at all with the pictorial content, but it’s the accompanying dumb text that reads like it was wrote for an episode of On the Buses that I find demeaning to the fairer (and equally intelligent) sex. Yeah, you can pull me up for some of that too, but I do try! :)

Marc Quinn’s portrait of Lara Stone at the 55th Venice Biennale

Marc Quinn unveiled naked portrait of Lara Stone’s bare baby bump at the 55th Venice Biennale festival (

“… rather than depicting Lara ‘doing a Demi’ (the side profile that a nude, pregnant Demi Moore pulled on the cover of Vanity Fair in 1991, and that other celebrities have continued to copy) Marc Quinn had other ideas for the Dutch beauty.”

But Quinn’s other pregnant piece at the Venice Biennale, a giant pregnant inflatable figure of Alison Lapper was met with bafflement by the Catholic Church:

“Father Caputo said he was ‘perplexed’ by the decision to place the inflatable figure close to the church and that it was ‘removed from the context’ of the bulk of artworks which are being shown on the island.”

Indeed, the pumping up a baby bump must have been malapropos at mass.

An installation of 886 three-legged stools by Chinese artist, Ai Weiwei

Here’s a round up of the eighty-eight national pavilions at this year’s Venice Biennale.

“In the Greek Pavilion, a three-part film about money contains footage of an African immigrant pushing a supermarket trolley through the streets of Athens while hunting for scrap metal to sell—a reminder, of course, that the land of Homer is still flirting with bankruptcy.”

And a shortage of shopping trolleys at their version of Asda, as I’m sure UKIP’s Nigel Farage will be keen to contend.

“We sit starving amidst our gold”, Jeremy Deller
Updated 5th June 2013.

Britain’s entry by Jeremy Deller attracted notoriety for Prince Harry’s penchant for birds and William Morris tossing Roman Abramovich’s luxury yacht (

Updated 13th June 2013.

Yes, it is indeed Pre-Raphaelite and Arts and Crafts Movement William Morris and not Great Red Dragon William Blake as MSN would have it.

Catch it here at British Council’s British Pavilion in Venice (

Which leads us nicely on to …

Recent/related stories:

Pregnancy is now a fig leaf for artists painting nakedness (Pick of the Week, 12th November 2012)
Is modern art now too mainstream to be subversive?

The Guardian’s Jonathan Jones queried if modern art now too mainstream to be subversive? (

“The language of modern British art often sounds radically left-wing. Everything that makes it happen, however, comes from the profound changes that Margaret Thatcher and Tony Blair brought to Britain. It is nothing like as subversive as it wants to be.”

Considering Jonathan’s recent admission of the national shame yet best 25 years of British art history I’m unsure whether to shake a left or right hand. I’ll just tweek a tit instead.

Recent/related stories:


Studios ask Google to remove Dotcom’s Mega from search results (

“At the time of writing, the Mega homepage does not contain any download options, only links to company information and user login or registration sections.”

Still, would it not be ignoring that rather rotund elephant in the room to attempt to claim the multitude of such services that continued to profitably flourish after the Megaupload take-down are actually used for anything else. What did you last download from one? Everyone gives away gigabytes of cloud storage nowadays if you are just looking for a place to store and share your holiday snaps.

Updated 10th September 2013.
“Vikram Kumar, the chief executive of Mega, told The New Zealand Herald that Dotcom resigned to ‘focus on the extradition case, an upcoming music website, and to build a political party’”

Possible the file sharing cloud has just become too crowded too for the larger-than-life Kim?

Recent/related stories:

Gabon suspends Megaupload successor site before launch (Pick of the Week, 12th November 2012)

Catch snaps & stories for next month’s picks daily in latest picks.

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Tags: Amanda Bynes, AnnaLynne McCord, Beyonce, Britney Spears, Candice Swanepoel, Cassie, Courtney Stodden, Farrah Abraham, Heidi Klum, Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Nicole Lee, Joanna Krupa, Kim Kardashian, Kimberley Garner, Mariah Carey, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, The Cheeky Girls, Tulisa Contostavlos, Vanessa Hudgens.


Illustrations, paintings, and cartoons featuring caricatured celebrities are intended purely as parody and fantasised depictions often relating to a particular news story, and often parodying said story and the media and pop cultural representation of said celebrity as much as anything else. Who am I really satirising? Read more.

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