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Pick of the week

Pick of the Week

5th September 2013

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Here’s my grab-bag pick of last weeks best illustration inspiring celebrity gossip, scandals, arts, entertainment, & just plain quirky stories & picture sexiness. A weekly round-up for busy pervs. There’s pictures—reading optional.

Disclaimer: Any comments I make are purely satirical, totally without foundation, and likely only just escaped censor by Maurice.

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Last weeks best stories & pics

Pick of the week: illustrated sexy celebrity entertainment and quirky stories
Pick of the week: illustrated sexy celebrity entertainment and quirky stories
Miley Cyrus VMA performance

Miley Cyrus twerked the VMAs (

“The singer immediately kicked things up well beyond provocative, as she appeared on stage with a multitude of dancing teddy bears in a bodysuit adorned with a cartoon character.”
Miley Cyrus VMA performance

And got it up the bum from Robin Thicke. In case you missed it you can catch the performance in HD here ( and here’s the pics (

Obviously this story was gonna hotfoot it like Roadrunner: Miley Cyrus claims she “made history” with VMAs “Twerkgate” performance.

“How many times have we seen this play out in pop music? Madonna’s done it. Britney’s done it. Every VMA performance, that’s what you’re looking for; you’re wanting to make history.”

Oh, damn-it, Brit-Brit had that boa but didn’t get it up the bum!

Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez VMA audience reaction

It certainly raised some audience eyebrows as well as other parts…

Some were angry, some just plain confused. Giant pink bear backing dancer Maurice, Miley hugging a giant pink bear a Marxist-Leninist Belgian, was especially distressed by the appearance of Miley’s tongue so near his pink red private parts that he immediately took to his blog to pen a damning free oppressed more red than pink bear workers and gulag-the-tongue manifesto. (You can use search to follow Maurice’s ongoing intrepid politico-paparazzi adventures.)

Both Robin Thicke and Miley’s fiancé Liam Hemsworth were urged to “distance” them self from Miley’s twerking and even the inventor of the foam finger (yep, there is one) got in on the act, vexing her for “degrading an icon”. I’d never thought of the foam finger as an icon; who knew!

Miley Cyrus long tongue on Black Skinhead remix

But not all felt the need to use the iconic foam finger to push her and the publicity away; dapper rapper tailor Kanye West saw rich silk lined success in the performance and hopped on to use Miley’s tongue for a slobbering remix on his “Black Skinhead” (

“Sources tell… that the unlikely duo met up straight after the VMA’s, skipping all of the fun of the after parties to get to work during the impromptu recording session.”

Slave to his art and a twerking muse, he knitted up a wonderful pair of hammer and sickle emblazoned pants for Maurice too to boot!

Miley Cyrus VMA performance really that shocking?

But was it really that shocking? Body language expert Judi James thought not (

“These pseudo-sexual poses might shock in the US, but over here we’ve seen worse during the Eurovision Song Contest.”

Blimey, too true! You don’t get stuff like this at the VMAs! (

So there you have it: shocking VMA history or twerking jumping the shark?

Updated 20th September 2015.

Picture link changed.

Britney Spears
Updated 23rd September 2013.
“I think anytime you do a performance that is that memorable, you’re going to have criticism,…”

Recent/related stories:

Miley Cyrus admitted she’s “white trash” (Pick of the Week, 27th August)
Miley Cyrus poked it out for Terry Richardson (Pick of the Week, 19th August)
Lady Gaga VMA performance

Oh yeah, Lady Gaga did a thing at the VMAs too (

She didn’t twerk but she showed her clam.

Updated 20th September 2015.

Link changed.

Recent/related stories:

Lady Gaga wants to be the next Warhol (Pick of the Week, 27th August)
Selena Gomez, VMA

Selena Gomez wore this to the VMAs (…

Updated 17th November 2013: link changed.
Taylor Swift, VMA

Taylor Swift wore this

Katy Perry, VMA

And Katy Perry wore this (

Yeah, those of you fantasising of a Katy P. blowie may have just experienced some shrinkage; she may be copying Madge’s recent grill but chompers like that suit bad boy Bond villain Jaws circa Moonraker or those who frequent certain cannibal chomping forums.

Updated 20th September 2015.

Links changed.

Recent/related stories:

Lindsay Lohan flaked The Canyons at Venice Film Festival

Lindsay Lohan “flaked” The Canyons at Venice Film Festival (

Director Paul Schrader was relieved…

“Today I am a free man,” Schrader said. “For the last 18 months I have been a hostage, of my own choosing, to a very talented but unpredictable actress.”

Finally allowing him to remove the vodka bottle from the orifice in which the rehabbing star had inserted it, of his own choosing. In LiLo’s defense she stated her absence was to “focus on health” ( Considering what Canyon’s co-star James Deen did to teen-mom Farrah Abraham’s bumhole, give the girl a break, staying clear probably was in her pink freckled rings best interest.

Lindsay Lohan, NYC

Here’s LiLo showing her freckled pins off out in NYC (

Recent/related stories:

The Canyons comes in for first reviews (Pick of the Week, 5th August)
Tricia Helfer, Riddick premiere

Tricia Helfer didn’t really cover her boobs for the Riddick premiere in LA (

Updated 20th September 2013: link changed.

.:: Top column 2 ::.
Miley Cyrus VMA 2013
Has Miley Cyrus twerked VMA history by getting a Thicke up the bum?
Nicole Scherzinger X-Factor press event oops

Oops! Nicole Scherzinger’s breasticals nearly falls out of her top at X-Factor press event (

Recent/related stories:

Miranda Kerr as Cicciolina, V magazine

Miranda Kerr posed as Cicciolina for V magazine (

Cicciolina, a.k.a. Ilona Staller, as you’ll know if you study your porn historical archives, was a top pull in 70s/80s porn, starring with moustached dong-masters such as John Holmes. She later moved on to politics, continuing to make hardcore porn while a member of parliament delivering political speeches with one breast exposed. She was even rumoured to have sucked a horse’s monster wang in one infamous early flick but that was a case of mistaken identity.

Info: Ilona Staller (

Updated 20th September 2015.

Link changed.

Recent/related stories:

Stephanie Seymour, Interview magazine

Stephanie Seymour’s bare bum for Interview magazine got her Facebook probation! (

Naomi Campbell, Interview magazine

Here’s Stephanie, Naomi Campbell and more baring more or less all for Interview (

Updated 20th September 2015.

Link changed.

Recent/related stories:

Arts, tech. & funnies

Go Topless Day, NYC

Protestors bared their breasts in NYC for Go Topless Day. Yay! (

“My dog has six, I have two, but I can be put in jail for showing my nipples. It’s 2012—what are we thinking!”

Quite. Then again, I passed a rottweiler dragging his bare nads along the pavement this morning, and I’m relieved his owner hadn’t followed suit.

Recent/related stories:

Cyclists went bare for World Naked Bike Ride in Guadalajara (Latina Pick of the Week, 19th June)
Andy Warhol

The Guardian’s Jonathan Jones pondered if celebrity-culture has out-Warholed Andy Warhol (

“…yet in many ways, this artist, who made it big with paintings of soup cans in the early 1960s and died in 1987, was a cultural conservative. He believed that talent existed.”

I dunno; if he were alive today I could quite well imagine him maintaining every paparazzi snap taken of him being art of his own as he is in it. Anyway, I’m all for Gaga being the next Warhol… if she‘s gonna keep showing her minge in primal performance.

Recent/related stories:

Vladimir Putin in lingerie painting seized

Vladimir Putin in lingerie painting seized (, dead MSN link replaced, headline & quote from original article).

“Police have seized Konstantin Altunin’s work ‘Travesty’ from the Museum of Power (a two-room flat in St Petersburg) and declared it illegal. Its crime? Depicting Putin in lingerie, brushing the hair of a bra-clad Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev.”
Updated 13th October 2013.
Artist who depicted Putin in women’s underwear flees to Finland (, dead MSN link replaced, headline & quote from original article).
“Altunin fled initially to Paris. He has now surfaced in Finland, asking for asylum.”

Recent/related stories:

Iceland MP still angling for internet porn ban

Iceland MP still angling for internet porn ban (

“If the porn ban goes through, porn will be illegal to watch in Iceland. The Icelandic government is planning to use internet filters, similar to Chinese firewalls, to block porn in the country.”

Recent/related stories:

Porn websites viewed regularly inside UK parliament

Porn websites viewed regularly inside UK parliament (

“Those accessing the images could include MPs, Lords and other Westminster staff.”

Come on, own up David Cameron.

Recent/related stories:

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Tags: Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Miranda Kerr, Nicole Scherzinger, Naomi Campbell, Selena Gomez, Stephanie Seymour, Taylor Swift, Tricia Helfer.


Illustrations, paintings, and cartoons featuring caricatured celebrities are intended purely as parody and fantasised depictions often relating to a particular news story, and often parodying said story and the media and pop cultural representation of said celebrity as much as anything else. Who am I really satirising? Read more.

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