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Pick of the week

Pick of the Week

7th November 2013

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Here’s my grab-bag pick of last weeks best illustration inspiring celebrity gossip, scandals, arts, entertainment, & just plain quirky stories & picture sexiness. A weekly round-up for busy pervs. There’s pictures—reading optional.

Disclaimer: Any comments I make are purely satirical, totally without foundation, and likely more concerned with a watching Britney turning wine into water.

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Last weeks best stories & pics

Katy Perry breakfast TV flash

Katy Perry flashed her bottom and skipped in heels on Australian breakfast TV (

“…it was the flash of derriere that really caught the eye as her printed mini-skirt billowed during a high energy routine, this revealing a pair of stark white knickers.”

Or so the Daily Mail windily ejaculated.

Katy Perry Raging Waters oops

But to be honest, there wasn’t much rumpus to spill your porridge over, certainly no comparison to her full bare-bum Raging Waters oops at the end of summer last year (Pick of the Week 20th August 2012).

Oh well.

“Despite the calamity, the singer appeared unfazed as she made her way off the stage and back to her hotel, where hordes of fans were awaiting her return. ”

Many still holding their breakfast sausage hostage over her wardrobe “calamity” no doubt.

Katy Perry, iTunes festival in London

Looking remarkably like her bottom took possession of it soon after, here’s Katy performing at the iTunes festival in London (

Recent/related stories:

Katy Perry had a Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (Pick of the Week, 17th October)
Katy Perry wore this to the VMA’s (Pick of the Week, 5th September)
Miley Cyrus rather be naked than cry

Miley Cyrus would rather be naked than cry (

“For me, nudity has never been something that I’ve ever tripped about. I don’t really see it the way everyone else sees it.”

The Star goes on to conclude:

“…so that’s why she’s rarely seen wearing a jumper.”
David Cameron’s jumpergate “scandal”
Quite. Anyone not wearing a jumper must be totally naked with tits colder than a wicked witches; just ask David Cameron.

Recent/related stories:

Selena Gomez, bikini candids in Miami

Selena Gomez gave bikini candids in Miami (

Selena Gomez, bikini candids in Miami

And don’t miss this cheeky tongue poke! (celebritytonguedigest

Recent/related stories:

Selena Gomez professesd her love for Paulina Rubio (Latina Pick of the Week, 11th September)
Tulisa Contostavlos, bikini candids Dubai

Tulisa Contostavlos gave more bikini candids in Dubai— with added camel toe! (

Recent/related stories:

Tulisa Contostavlos gave bikini candids Dubai (Pick of the Week, 17th October)
Tulisa Contostavlos gave bikini candids in Ibiza (Pick of the Week, 22nd July)
Helen Flanagan to be the next Bond girl?

Is Helen Flanagan to be the next Bond girl? (

“The 23-year-old actress reportedly auditioned for the role in Bond 24, which is to commence filming in 2015… [and] according to a source who spoke to the Sun, the actress and I’m A Celebrity star wowed casting agents in Los Angeles.”

The script will undoubtedly call for her to utter “I’ve the best, biggest boobs in the whole world, Mr. Bond” just before before they flop on London causing utter devestation and panic.

Recent/related stories:

Helen Flanagan took it all off for her 2014 calendar (Pick of the Week, 24th October)
Helen Flanagan gave bikini candids in the Maldives (Pick of the Week, 17th October)
Helen Flanagan got topless for The Sun (Pick of the Week, 19th September)
Emily Ratajkowski, Jonathan Leder photoshoot

Emily Ratajkowski got topless for Jonathan Leder (

Recent/related stories:

Courtney Stodden, Halloween

Courtney Stodden, 19, dumped dad Doug Hutchison, 53, but didn’t let it spoil her Halloween (

“The controversial couple are going their separate ways after a controversial two-and-a-half year marriage, sources have told MailOnline.”

The Daily Mail continues that it was her Celebrity Big Brother appearance in the UK that spelt the beginning of the end:

“Producers didn’t want the actor on the programme and Courtney was given time in the spotlight without her other half.”

Proving the “acting tution” he gave her online that started their relationship ( got him exactly where it does for anyone that takes an online cam relationship seriously.

Recent/related stories:

Britney Spears, [Jesus] Baby One More Time

Musical to tell the story of Jesus Christ through the songs of Britney Spears (

“The birth, life, death and resurrection of Christ will be described in the musical with the help of Britney hits such as Baby One More Time, Ooops! I Did It Again, Stronger and Crazy.”

Also featuring “How I Roll” when Jesus is driven out of Nazareth, “Piece Of Me” when he loses his cool with the money changers at the temple, “(I got you on my) Radar” by Pontius Pilate, concluding with the delivering of revelation to John with “Till The World Ends”.

Britney’s biblical wrath is also being put to good use in the modern world:

Britney Spears songs used to scare off pirates in Somalia

Britney Spears songs used to scare off pirates in Somalia (

“Ms Owens, who regularly guides huge tankers through the waters, said the ship’s speakers can be aimed solely at the pirates so as not to disturb the crew.”

Indeed, getting a “Touch Of My Hand” blown along your RPG-7’s bell-end must be truely disturbing!

Recent/related stories:

.:: Top column 2 ::.
Katy Perry—Balls Out
Katy Perry’s huge goombas provide a perfect platform for jerking balls.

Arts, culture, tech. & funnies

First, knocking one of from this week rather than last, being Guy Fawkes or Fireworks Night on 5th November—everyone’s favourite day to celebrate the execution of a scapegoated traitor!

Spurting fireworks in Glasgow

This is how they do fireworks in Glasgow (

So, apparently that’s how they do fireworks in Glasgow, deluging delighting audiences.

Jane Austen £10 note portraiture

Jane Austen biographer slammed “airbrushed” £10 note portraiture (

“Jane Austen is the funniest writer to walk this planet, and she’s been made to look dim-witted…”

What I find disturbing about that is that her biographer assumes Austen has to look like she’s chewing a thistle to be considered a supreme social satirist, suggesting looks and intelligence are mutually exclusive. So there!

Elusive dark matter

LUX detector empty as Dark matter continues to elude scientists (

“…the Large Underground Xenon (LUX) experiment’s sensitivity makes it better at seeking out dark matter than any other detectors built for that purpose… [but] although the powerful dark matter detector has just completed its first run, LUX has not yet found conclusive evidence of the elusive substance.”

The new aether (, why is all that theoretical dark energy and dark matter collectively assumed to constitute approximately 95% of the universe’s mass-energy so damned elusive? (

Yeah, rather like being on Twitter I guess.

Updated 14th December 2014.
“While studying the X-ray data collected by the European Space Agency’s XMM-Newton spacecraft, the team came across a spike they couldn’t identify. This signal, which came from the Andromeda galaxy and the Perseus galaxy cluster, matched no other signal scientists have observed before.”

Could it be the elusive dark matter? To be honest, if I could not see it I’d be more suspicious of that murky matter that must have been on the bottom of someone’s shoe that walked in. For sure, some are confident it is not (

“Not a chance. What we’ve found may be a mystery, but it’s definitely not our Universe’s missing mass.”

Okay, com’on now, everyone check the soles of their shoes while I get the mop.

Updated 5th February 2014.

Recent/related stories:

Google Explorer first to have been fined by police for driving while wearing Google Glass

Google Explorer first to be fined by police for driving while wearing Google Glass headset (

“Police in San Diego, California initially pulled her over for speeding but issued a further fine for wearing Google Glass when in control of a vehicle.”

No donkeys were harmed thankfully (Pick of the Week 22nd January).

Updated 19th January 2014.
DriveSafe for Google Glass
“Say, ‘OK Glass, keep me awake,’ and if your head dips below a certain angle for too long, the conductive bone speaker sounds an alarm. If it happens a few times too often, DriveSafe can tap into the navigation app to provide directions to the nearest rest area.”

If you are pursing your lips wondering WTFs the “conductive bone speaker” and do they have to drill a hole in my skull to fit it, it’s what Glass uses to relay sound through a transducer that sits beside the ear that is inaudible to others in the way a hearing aid does. As said, “DriveSafe isn’t integrated with the MyGlass control app yet, so Explorers need to side-load the app onto their headsets to give it a spin” giving any waiting CHiPs another chance to be first to nab a driver under the influence of Glass, DriveSafely-awake or not.

Updated 17th January 2014.
“The San Diego traffic court threw out a citation against Cecilia Abadie, with commissioner John Blair ruling she was not guilty because the offence for which was ticketed requires proof that the device was in use.”

Recent/related stories:


Norwegian makes half a million from forgotten bitcoins (

“After struggling to remember his password, he logged in to his online account to see the huge rise in the value of bitcoins meant [his £17 worth of the online currency was now worth] the equivalent of £551,000….”

Can you still coin it in on the Bitcoin boom?

“After a roller-coaster year, [the value of the untraceable digital currency is] now up by more than ten-fold, leaving many making comparisons with past manias like Dutch tulip fever.”

Recent/related stories:

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Tags: Britney Spears, Courtney Stodden, Emily Ratajkowski, Helen Flanagan, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Tulisa Contostavlos.


Illustrations, paintings, and cartoons featuring caricatured celebrities are intended purely as parody and fantasised depictions often relating to a particular news story, and often parodying said story and the media and pop cultural representation of said celebrity as much as anything else. Who am I really satirising? Read more.

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