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Pick of the week

Pick of the Week

26th December 2013

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Here’s my grab-bag pick of last week’s best illustration inspiring celebrity gossip, scandals, arts, entertainment, & just plain quirky stories & picture sexiness. A weekly round-up for busy pervs. There’s pictures—reading optional.

Disclaimer: Any comments I make are purely satirical, totally without foundation, and likely full of way too much Christmas cheer, you boring buggers who didn’t send me a card!

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Last week’s best stories & pics

XXXmas special edition

Irina Shayk, Love Christmas Special

Russian model Irina Shayk got sparkly festive for Love (, link dead, apologies).

Info: Irina Shayk (

Recent/related stories:

Rihanna Xmas Instagrams

Rihanna gave stockings in Xmas Instagrams (, link dead, apologies).

Recent/related stories:

RiRi gave Bajan beach booty (Pick of the Week, 14th November)
RiRi licked a snake for GQ’s 25th anniversary (Pick of the Week, 31st October)

More Jingle Balling!

Miley Cyrus, Hot 99.5 Jingle Ball in Washington

Miley Cyrus’ ass Jingle Balls for Hot 99.5 in Washington (, link dead, apologies)…

And for FLZ in Tampa.

Selena Gomez, Kiss 108 Jingle Ball in Boston

Selena Gomez tongue did it for Kiss 108 in Boston (

Ariana Grande, Y100 Jingle Ball in Miami

Ariana Grande for B96 Pepsi in Chicago

And Y100 in Miami

Avril Lavigne, Y100 Jingle Ball in Miami

As did Avril Lavigne (, link updated)…

Demi Lovato, Y100 Jingle Ball in Miami

And Demi Lovato.

You can catch more Jingle Balling performances last week (Pick of the Week 17th December) and don’t forget to cast your vote in the poll…

Who festively Jingled Balls best for you?
Selena Gomez 30%
Ariana Grande 20%
Miley Cyrus 15%
Demi Lovato 13%
Avril Lavigne 13%
Pixie Lott 7%
Lindsay Lohan 2%

This poll has now been archived.

Updated 27th january 2014.

Dead link noted. Apologies.

Updated 27th january 2014.
Selena Gomez, Come & Get It at the Jingle Ball New York show

Here’s Selena Gomez inviting to “Come & Get It” at the Jingle Ball New York show. (, 113mb | 4:13 | AVI | Preview image—

Please note: file has not been uploaded by me, nor do I take responsibility for it. I’m just saving you a search.

Recent/related stories:

And speaking of Demi…

Demi Lovato quit X Factor USA

Demi Lovato quit X Factor USA (

“‘I started the show being a singer and a musician, and so I’m going to go back to that,’ she said”

Quite, I imagine serving Simon Cowell live rodents to feed his ego just doesn’t dish up that same ’ol sense of achievement.

Opening up about leaving the X Factor tea party to focus on her music also curiously led on to Demi commenting on the possibility of getting bigger cups in the future when asked to name a candidate for celebrity plastic surgery backstage at Y100’s Jingle Ball (

“‘It should be me and I should get a boob job. They’re like mosquito bites!’ she laughed”
Demi Lovato, Cosmolitan
Demi Lovato, Cosmolitan. No so ittie bitty tittie.

I think she’s being a lil’ harsh on her cuppage there, it being a fair ol’ sized 34B mosquito that bit her titties, and with the ittie bittie tittie committee swelled to squirting point online anyhow, there’s no need, Demi, no need. Unless on her modest but perfectly adequate sized boobage she’s talking about her nipples being particularly ittie bitty, resembling mos…

I’m gonna go for a while now; back in a bit!

Recent/related stories:

Demi Lovato nude pictures up for sale (Pick of the Week, 27th August)
Jennifer Lawrence

Maid found copious collection of butt plugs under Jennifer Lawrence’s bed, which she insists were brought for her as a joke (, link updated).

“I had a copious amount of butt plugs. Tons of butt plugs. All different kinds of colours.”

Well, embarrassment aside, at least she lined them up within easy reach for her. Did she know they were a joke? Perhaps to get the last laugh said maid tried one out before leaving as “beautiful display on my bedside table”.

Recent/related stories:

Helen Flanagan, Playboy Bunny photoshoot

Helen Flanagan hinted carrot for Hef with a Playboy Bunny photoshoot (, link dead, apologies).

Recent/related stories:

Vanessa Hudgens 25th birthday party

Vanessa Hudgens gave No Vacancy sideboob at her 25th birthday party at in Hollywood (…

Causing the Mail to slather:

“The actress looked stunning in a plunging, blush-pink gown, which featured a plunging top and low sides to flash a hint of sideboob as Vanessa posed for pictures inside No Vacancy, where the party was held.”

After which cumming in that custard, which all preceded to politly decline.

Vanessa Hudgens 25th birthday party

Here’s the piccies (

Recent/related stories:

Vanessa Hudgens was angelic for Halloween (Pick of the Week, 31st October)
Vanessa Hudgens shook her booty at Bootsy Bellows (Pick of the Week, 2nd October)
Christina Aguilera, Lady Gaga, Do What U Want duet on The Voice

Did “Do What U Want” duet on The Voice declare Christina Aguilera, Lady Gaga feud over? (

“The two musical divas have reportedly been feuding for years, but they put the rumors to rest with a performance last night during the Season 5 finale of The Voice.”

Recent/related stories:

Xtina, American Music Awards in Los Angeles (Pick of the Week, 8th December)
Iggy Azalea, Wild Jam San Jose

Iggy Azalea gave at Wild Jam in San Jose (

Recent/related stories:

Iggy Azalea sexed up her routine at Radio 1Xtra Live (Pick of the Week, 17th October)
Cara Delevingne, Vogue UK

Cara Delevingne gave tongue for Vogue UK (…

Cara Delevingne, Barbados 25th December
Updated 28th December 2013.
And Christmas day crack-shot in Barbados (celebrityoopsdigest

Recent/related stories:

Cara Delevingne, Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (Pick of the Week, 22nd November)
Awwh! Rita Ora and Cara Delevingne are BFF again (Pick of the Week, 9th October)

.:: Top column 2 ::.
Jennifer Lawrence XXXmass
Jennifer Lawrence enjoying sampling the butt plug collection the maid found under her bed for a very XXXmass!

Arts, culture, tech. & funnies

Christmas knickers made from pine needles

Christmas knickers made from pine needles (

“The pine needle fabric is a vicose. Like viscose rayon which is a fiber made from regenerated wood cellulose, this fabric is regenerated pine needles.”

You can bet one of those gets stuck up where it shouldn’t, the whole world is gonna know about it!

Turkey Bear

Turkey Bear, the most terrifying thing you’ll see this Christmas! (

Bill Gates played Secret Santa

Bill Gates played Secret Santa to unsuspecting Reddit user (

“Gates shipped the unsuspecting Reddit user a seven-pound box filled with a travel book, a stuffed cow, a card indicating a donation to Heifer International….”

Yeah, good charity work and all that but a travel book and a stuffed cow? WTF? Is the Surface 2 tablet to follow? Goddamnit, Larry Ellison threw in the whole state of Texas!

Recent/related stories:

Lhouraii Li, the Bradford Barbie Doll

Meet the Bradford Barbie Doll (

“Lhouraii Li wears special contact lenses and fake eyelashes to make her eyes more doll like and clever make-up to contour her face.”

That certainly takes some dedication. Good on you!

Info: Lhouraii Li Blog (

Recent/related stories:

J.Lo is now a Barbie—sadly lacking culo grande (Latina Pick of the Week, 14th November)
If Barbie posed for the old masters… (Pick of the Week, 4th February 2012)
Raquel Welch, One Million Years BC

50,000 year old woman’s toe reveals Neanderthals had sex with everyone! (

“…DNA was extracted from a 50,000-year-old woman’s toe [and showed] Neanderthals had a long history of interbreeding among at least four different types of early humans living in Europe and Asia at the time.”

Seems she had a bit of randy Homo erectus in her (

Pussy Riot musicians granted amnesty

Pussy Riot musicians to be freed after amnesty bill passes (

“Pussy Riot musicians Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Maria Alyokhina will be freed from prison, after having their sentences cut under Russian President Vladimir Putin’s amnesty bill.”

Ms Alyokhina cried foul at Putin’s magnanimity though (

“If I had a chance to turn it down, I would have done it, no doubt about that,” she told Dozhd TV. “This is not an amnesty. This is a hoax and a PR move.”

Faux magnanimity or is the bear-wrestling Grey Cardinal just turning to the Gulag Archipelago for fresh conscripts to face and fight zombie hordes with him? (Pick of the Week 9th October).

Recent/related stories:

Google Glass pictures with a wink

Google Glass update lets you snap photos with a wink (

“No doubt it will serve to further distress those who have expressed privacy concerns regarding the capabilities of the high-tech specs. … Presumably, the light that flashes when you normally take pictures with Glass will also pop on when you take a photo with a wink too”

First I’ve read of the light that flashes when pictures are took. I still suspect a beep will accompany considering the influence of the powerful Asian tiger markets which require all camera phones sold in their country to make a clearly audible sound whenever a picture is being taken (

Recent/related stories:

ISP filters let through hardcore porn, block domestic abuse charities

ISP filters let through hardcore porn, block domestic abuse charities (

“UK ISP filters designed to block pornography are letting hardcore material slip through the net while preventing access to sex education, addiction and women's abuse charity sites.”

Well, to be fair, the filters are designed to be turned on or off by adults, so if you are finding yourself blocked you should be able to turn the filter off via a phone call at worst to change your opt-out decision. The chap behind the blocked sex education site highlighted growled:

“Who are TalkTalk to say what is allowed and isn’t?”

But by that does he really mean you should not be able to filter out graphic content if you so wish? I don’t think so.

A large proportion of the poulation does indeed seem to be in favour, but is action against porn really necessary? (

“Perhaps most importantly, the porn industry is a pretty easy target, and there are questions about how much impact targeting a single area like this will have when sexualised imager … is everywhere. Magazines, tabloids, advertising, TV shows, movies, music videos and many other areas shape our world view and these are much more deeply ingrained than a porn habit.”

I’d go as far as to say that pornographic imagery is, and has long been, deeply ingrained in mainstream culture, which is obviously why I have no problems at all drawing what many are imagining anyway. And if not, how the hell did you find yourself here? Run!

ISP filtering seems to promise a glut of opt-out extension: Go Away Cameron browser extension lets users bypass UK porn filters (

“An extension for Google Chrome called “Go Away Cameron” has popped up, promising to bypass the UK’s new opt-out parental control filters and ‘bring porn back’.”

I think that’s for the older chaps who havn’t got to grips with TOR yet, and don’t do that sort of thing anyway, but they can get it here if they need (

Recent/related stories:

Porn websites viewed regularly inside UK parliament (Pick of the Week, 5th September)
NSA spying likely “unconstitutional and Orwellian”

NSA spying likely “unconstitutional and Orwellian”, federal judge rules—but can do fuck all about it (

“Responding to a lawsuit brought by a conservative legal activist, the judge also expressed deep scepticism that the agency’s collection of billions of phone records had done anything to prevent terrorism.”

A bit like the proposed £5.612bn ID cards scheme here in the UK ( by the past Labour Gov’ment then, which would have done bugger all considering most of the terrorists it aimed to thwart were born and live here.

Updated 28th December 2013.
But another declares it not: Judge rules NSA phone surveillance is legal, and a “vital tool” (

Like a hammer or pliers or bigger versions of any of those things on a Swiss army knife. Pffft! Spin on a dime.

Recent/related stories:

NSA planned to discredit radicals over web-porn use (Pick of the Week, 8th December)

Catch snaps & stories for next month’s picks daily in latest picks.

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Tags: Ariana Grande, Avril Lavigne, Cara Delevingne, Christina Aguilera, Demi Lovato, Helen Flanagan, Iggy Azalea, Irina Shayk, Jennifer Lawrence, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, Rihanna, Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens.


Illustrations, paintings, and cartoons featuring caricatured celebrities are intended purely as parody and fantasised depictions often relating to a particular news story, and often parodying said story and the media and pop cultural representation of said celebrity as much as anything else. Who am I really satirising? Read more.

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