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Pick of the week

Pick of the Week

8th January 2014

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Here’s my grab-bag pick of the best illustration inspiring celebrity gossip, scandals, arts, entertainment, & just plain quirky stories & picture sexiness. A round-up for busy pervs. There’s pictures—reading optional.

Disclaimer: Any comments I make are purely satirical, totally without foundation, and really hopes we don’t get to see Lionel Blair doing any sort of motorboating.

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Last week’s best stories & pics

Britney Spears begins her residency in Las Vegas

Britney Spears began her Piece of Me Las Vegas residency (

“…the pop princess has started her two-year residency at Planet Hollywood Resort And Casino in Las Vegas. The star began her set of shows with a performance that pleased the fans who’d come from all over the world to see her.”

And come they did (see lil’ Miss Cyrus below).

Britney Spears begins her residency in Las Vegas

For Elvis, Vegas was ever-bigger collars and more rhinestones. For Britney, those wings will stick out and flap seraphically either side of Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino before her residency is up.

Britney Spears begins her residency in Las Vegas

Here’s Britney in fine thigh form from her opening night‘s performance (…

Britney Spears begins her residency in Las Vegas

And taking a dip during the lightsaber fan dance.

Britney Spears lightsaber fan dance

Updated 25th January 2014.
Britney Spears, Toxic, Piece of Me Las Vegas show

Britney Spears, Toxic, Piece of Me Las Vegas show (, 107mb | 3:39 | MKV | Preview image—

Info: What is… .MKV file extension.

Please note: file has not been uploaded by me, nor do I take responsibility for it. I’m just saving you a search.

Updated 1st July 2015.

Link dead. Apologies.

Recent/related stories:

Britney Spears “Perfumed” her bra and panties (Pick of the Week, 17th December 2013)
Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears’ Piece of Me opening night in Vegas

Miley Cyrus wore this to Britney Spears’ Piece of Me opening night in Vegas (…

Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears’ Piece of Me opening night in Vegas

Was caught smooching one of Brit-Brit’s female backing dancers (…

Miley Cyrus meeting tongue with Cara Delevingne

Met tongue with all-the-rage Brit model Cara Delevingne at the end of the rainbow (…

Miley Cyrus YOU magazine outtakes

And peeked boob and nippleage in YOU magazine outtakes (celebritytonguedigest

Yep, that’s the nippleage pic the old fellas used to shake canes waiting for together in chatrooms but, well, she soooOoo grew up!

Updated 13th January 2013.
YOU magazine outtakes links updated.

But what does that all really mean? Why have those sexualised exploits that spurt so much vitriolic disdain on her in some quarters catapulted her career?

Larry Rudolph and Miley Cyrus

Step forward Larry Rudolph, the man behind Miley Cyrus’ sex goddess image (

“The multi-millionaire businessman and former lawyer specialises in helping performers make the transition from child star to adult entertainer.”

As with Britney and Xtina, both of whom he managed, his business acumen and advice has been to direct them purely in the direction of that elephant in the room, the one pirouetting in the corner of the eye that some choose so hard not to see, that one with a sign hanging around its neck reading “sex really does sell in entertainment and has done for an awfully long time”.

Recent/related stories:

Miley Cyrus’ ass Jingle Balls for Hot 99.5 in Washington (Pick of the Week, 26th December 2013)
Miley Cyrus popped hers out for Free the Nipple campaign (Pick of the Week, 17th December 2013)
Miley Cyrus claimed she’s “one of the biggest feminists” (Pick of the Week, 22nd November 2013)
Iggy Azalea, Roxy Theater Los Angeles

Iggy Azalea gave much booty shaking performance at the Roxy Theater in Los Angeles (

Recent/related stories:

Iggy Azalea gave at Wild Jam in San Jose (Pick of the Week, 26th December 2013)
Iggy Azalea gave some oops exposure at MTV EMAs in Amsterdam (Pick of the Week, 22nd November 2013)
Lily Allen, Esquire magazine

Lily Allen savaged today’s showbiz scene, claiming it full of fake and “botoxed idiots” (

“Lily said that the Britpop scene, when people were taking drugs and ‘having sex with each other’, was more ‘real’.”

Gawd, tell me about it! Some took so many Es it’s all just a blurred MySpace oasis of Mancunian debauchery! They didn’t have to parody no-longer-so-young Miss Cyrus’ twerking and foam fingering while deep-throating a banana to annouce their musical comeback either! Oh….

Here’s Lily unfakedly naked in the bath for February’s Esquire (

Updated 1st July 2015.

Link dead. Apologies.

Recent/related stories:

Cara Delevingne booty Barbados

Cara Delevingne carried on giving bikini booty hotness in Barbados (

Recent/related stories:

Cara Delevingne, Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (Pick of the Week, 22nd November 2013)
Awwh! Rita Ora and Cara Delevingne are BFF again (Pick of the Week, 9th October 2013)
Kim Kardashian with George Condo bag

Kanye West made Kim Kardashian carry a George Condo illustrated bag (

Having sewn it together, blessed the leather in Yeezus tears and christened it his “Happy Sack”, the audacious fashionista commandeered an N.Y.C. patrol car in to deliver it personally for Condo to paint to purposefully create controversy on a trip out to Walmart (, Jan. 2011).

Info: George Condo (

Recent/related stories:

Jasmine Waltz, Celebrity Big Brother 2014

Celebrity Big Brother 2014: Jasmine Waltz got tipsy, crude and flashed her big baps (

“The 31-year-old shocked her fellow housemates as she flashed her breasts, used sexually explicit language and caused chaos after quaffing too much champagne.”
Lionel Blair, Celebrity Big Brother 2014
Dappy and Jasmine, Celebrity Big Brother 2014
Jasmine and Luisa, Celebrity Big Brother 2014

Ol’ shoe shuffling Lionel Blair wasn’t amused at all, while, once unhandcuffed, N Dubz’s Dappy progressed from humping the sofa to leg humping while sniffing hair and imagining Megan Fox, while The Apprentice runner up Luisa Zissman—who previously called show 's**t and embarrassing ( before dumping DJ boyfriend Greg Burns to get her slot on it as a single girl (—suggested Evander Holyfield take his trouser off, you know, just to see, like, I guess, while what she actually got though was Dappy motorboating her in the hottub later on after she flipped her outboard motor between Jasmine’s rubber bumpers. What? Keep up back there!

Jasmine Waltz, Celebrity Big Brother 2014

Here’s piccies of Luisa Zissman sportingly catching ice cubes down her bikini bottom at a beach in Dubai ( and as an animated GIF.

HD clips

Jasmine Waltz’s tipsy bap flashing
(, 103mb | 0:59 | .ts | preview image)
Jasmine and Luisa’s hottub motorboating
(, 245mb | 2:43 | .ts | preview image)
Please note: files has been uploaded by me, nor do I take responsibility for them, I’m just saving you a search.

Recent/related stories:

.:: Top column 2 ::.
Britney Spears
What goes on in Vegas is unlikely to stay in Vegas with what could be Britney Spears letting it all hang out in what could well be the pop princess’ grand finale.
Emma Watson

Emma Watson split from her millionaire’s son beau after he was Facebooked with packets of white powder seeing in the New Year (

“Despite reports that the 23-year-old actress was on the brink of becoming engaged to millionaire’s son William Adamowicz, friends say the couple have parted because of her hectic film schedule.”

Yep, damn hard to get up and keeping up with schedules after snorting all that crap!

Emma Watson, Elle outtake

Here’s Emma in an outtake from Elle guaranteed to bring smiles to old faces and initiate much frantic cane raising (

Updated 1st July 2015.

Link dead. Apologies.

Recent/related stories:

Rachel Bilson slammed The Bling Ring flick in Cosmo (Pick of the Week, 10th July 2013)
Emma Watson was urbane for GQ (Pick of the Week, 2nd July 2013)
Ariana Grande, Cosmopolitan

Ariana Grande gave her best “it’s so big!” face for Cosmopolitan (

Updated 1st July 2015.

Link dead. Apologies.

Recent/related stories:

Ariana Grande Jingled Balls for B96 Pepsi in Chicago (Pick of the Week, 26th December 2013)
Ariana Grande raised cheerleader fantasy prospects (Pick of the Week, 2nd October 2013)
Farrah Abraham, Girls and Corpses

Farah Farrah Abraham gave non-porn non-necrophalic American Gothic wood for Girls and Corpses (

Damn! That must have been a real rigor mortic stiffie up her bum to knock that “r” out her forename!

Updated 12th June 2014.
Link updated to back issue.

Recent/related stories:

Arts, culture, tech. & funnies

Antwerp soccer players take aim

Back (side) tackle: Antwerp soccer players take aim at glamour models bottoms (

“The Belgian side … tested out their accuracy by hitting the bare behinds of two scantily-clad beauties.”

Prompting practice of their dribbling skills too I’m sure.

“After putting up with the pain, the girls were given a chance to get their own back on the players with a member of the magazine’s staff taking a free shot at Hasselbaink’s men.”

Yeah, you’re gonna get that right in the sack. Brought on for Hammer & Pink Sickle United, revolutionary Maurice complained bitterly on his manifesto blog after that penalty kick from one in the obviously non-Marxist red knickers pinned his Belgian revolutionary knackers to the back of the net. Foul, bourgeoisie traitor!

Recent/related stories:

Choc Edge’s 3D chocolate printer

Now you can eat your or someone else’s face with 3D chocolate printer (

“All you have to do is send them a picture along with £50 to £80 (depending on what you want) and [Choc Edge’s] Choc Creator machine will do the rest.”

Yep, I don’t think chocolate recreations of your face will be the market for what to send your online paramour.

Recent/related stories:

First 3D printer available on UK high street (Pick of the Week, 15th July 2013)
Mikhail Kalashnikov

Mikhail Kalashnikov, inventor of the AK47, the world’s most “popular” weapon laid down the lead aged 94 (

“The gun—whose name stands for Avtomat Kalashnikov and the year it went into production—is favoured by guerrillas, terrorists and the soldiers of many armies. An estimated 100 million are spread worldwide.”

Leaving poor old Marxist-Leninist pink revolutionary Belgian Maurice in goal above inconsolable over Christmas.

What is Mikhail Kalashnikov legacy? (

A youth with dreamed of becoming a poet, the eventual reversal of fortune in war that saw the Soviet Block smoother eastern Europe ensured his destiny lay along a different path.

“It was while he was recuperating in hospital that Kalashnikov reportedly heard some other soldiers complaining about the unreliable nature of Soviet Army rifles.”

Despite the invention of the rifle which would become synonymous with resistance and revolution, Kalashnikov did not himself profit immensely from his design beyond a few medals and awards, and although he stated his sleep was untroubled by his invention, he admitted it had made him uncomfortable.

“When I see [Al-Qaeda leader Osama] bin Laden with his AK-47, I get nervous,’ he told Reuters in 2002. ‘But what can I do? Terrorists aren‘t fools; they, too, chose the most reliable guns.’”

Or perhaps just the cheapest, most mass-produced and one that can be stored in a damp water-closet until called to the cause.

Confessing that he would have “preferred to have invented a machine that people could use and that would help farmers with their work, such as a lawnmower” it could be argued though that if he hadn’t “invented an assault rifle can be bought for as little as $15, or even for a bag of grain”, the proxy war that was the Cold one would have ensured that whatever pick-up-point-and-fire procurement the Soviets could have supplied would have had the same legacy anyway, in whatever light you choose to view it.

Updated 30th April 2014 2015.

“Dangerous yet beautiful”: exhibition explores South Africa’s fascination with the AK-47 (Pick of the Week 30th Apr. 2014).

Recent/related stories:

Steven Seagal to be face of Russian arms? (Pick of the Week, 10th June 2013)

Snapchat hack affects 4.6 million users (

“The usernames and phone numbers for 4.6 million Snapchat accounts have been downloaded by hackers, who temporarily posted the data online.”

Showing again that sharing anything on messengers or social media is equivalent to having your pants unknowingly pulled down at a window. Oh, you mean it’s known for that sort of thing?

“Snapchat has grown in popularity as an app that allows people to share pictures, safe in the knowledge they delete themselves after being viewed.”

I guess that’s because, for the old chaps who’ve successful found an emulator to view it on their desktop, the PrtScn key stopped working circa 2000, and none have found the Snipping Tool under Windows yet (

Recent/related stories:

Ransomware demands $300 in Bitcoins to release your data (Pick of the Week, 24th October 2013)
Boyfriend Tracker app raises stir in Brazil (Latina Pick of the Week, 28th August 2013)
Sex tape App promises to keep your homemade porn safe (Pick of the Week, 30th April 2013)
Kim Dotcom

Court documents claim Kim Dotcom was ratting out competitors before Megaupload was shut down (

“Three months before federal authorities shuttered Megaupload and indicted its top seven executives, the file-sharing site’s founder, Kim Dotcom, urged PayPal not to do business with rival sites because of their ‘criminal activity,’….”

That’s because that’s how that used to work to screw your PayPal accepting competition, or site’s that didn’t pay you for your services, though it was usually by reporting them for adult-content, though PayPal no longer has so much of an issue with that.

Recent/related stories:

Gabon suspends Megaupload successor site before launch (Pick of the Week, 12th November 2012)

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Tags: Ariana Grande, Britney Spears, Emma Watson, Cara Delevingne, Farrah Abraham, Iggy Azalea, Jasmine Waltz, Kim Kardashian, Lily Allen, Miley Cyrus.


Illustrations, paintings, and cartoons featuring caricatured celebrities are intended purely as parody and fantasised depictions often relating to a particular news story, and often parodying said story and the media and pop cultural representation of said celebrity as much as anything else. Who am I really satirising? Read more.

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