Pick of the
Week last few weeks
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Here’s my grab-bag pick of the best illustration inspiring celebrity gossip, scandals, arts, entertainment, & just plain quirky stories & picture sexiness. A round-up for busy pervs. There’s pictures—reading optional.
Disclaimer: Any comments I make are purely satirical, totally without foundation, and understands now why I got those curiously odd but interested looks when buying duck tape at B&Q.
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Pick of the best stories & pics
Kim Kardashian West got nude for Love (celebexposuredigest
Selena Gomez got topless and “Loitia-ish” for V (celebexposuredigest
“I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve said ‘WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!’ in the last 15 mins bc of that damn Britney commercial.”
So one “fan” said. In truth, Brit-brit probably didn’t know either. Nor did most Europeans, who’s only superbowl knowledge is that they wear a lot of padding, toss a ball that’s more rugby than football, and that it’s a tiny bit like rugby but without the misshapen noses and cauliflower ears but with even more intermittent stoppage than bloody cricket.
And showed off her Intimate bits in stockings, panties and swimwear (hawtcelebs.com).
tie-tied for a Fifty Shades Of Grey inspired themed photoshoot (celebexposuredigest
Sadly nothing themed for Shrove Tuesday though, although you could squirt a lil’ lemon and sugar on this.
Christina Aguilera gave breathtaking cleavage-heavy medley introduction (cheekypopdivadigest
Rihanna was topless but in the wrong pants for I-D (sawfirst.com)…
Got a tit out for AnOther (celebexposuredigest
Ashley Benson’s boobs were falling out for Fashion Week (egotastic.com).
Jennifer Lawrence got her Eve on, and therefore her kit off, with a huge serpentine metaphor for Vanity Fair (celebexposuredigest
Jersey Shore’s Jennifer Lynn “J-Woww” Farley upgraded her huge 34F mama boobs (celebexposuredigest
Chelsea Handler, comedienne and unofficial spokesperson for the #FreeTheNipple campaign gave a “thanks for having me” balcony teat tweet (celebrityoopsdigest
Iggy Azalea had bent over Trouble (celebrityoopsdigest
Charli XCX got her moOoOOOOOoOOo on for Jimmy Kimmel (cheekypopdivadigest
was a finger licker rather than a SUCKER for NME (celebritytonguedigest
More tongue teasers
Dani Thorne gave laser away side pokeage (celebritytonguedigest
Zendaya Coleman poked tongue and pulled pre-Grammy party faces (celebritytonguedigest
Miley Cyrus gave happy hippy pokeage (celebritytonguedigest
Ashley Tisdale gave paparazzi pokeage (celebritytonguedigest
.:: Top column 2 ::.
Yes, it finally arrived, certainly not going straight to DVD after all!
Dakota Johnson confuses Jamie Dornan’s sex toys with his Xbox in new Fifty Shades of Grey teaser (entertainmentwise.com).
“When Anastasia asks Grey what’s behind a certain door in his plush Seattle penthouse, Grey responds ‘my play room.’ FSOG fans know that means sex, but Anastasia is confused. ‘Like your Xbox and stuff?’ asks Anastasia. No Ana!”
No indeed, rather being the veritable media circus the whole thing has been pushed, poked, bound and whipped to be behind that door instead.
Laid for a Valentine’s Day release, the “erotic play” in and out of said play room in the adaption of E.L. James’ bestselling erotic novel earned it an 18 certificate in the UK, which I’m sure would have been a damned cuffing to something other than the bedpost had it not:
“Despite the fact a lot of the most graphic sex scenes have reportedly been toned down for the big screen, there’s still enough of it, 20 minutes in fact—a third of the movie and enough to get an 18 certificate.”
The highest categorisation available in the UK of course, equivelent to NC-17 in the US, formally an X rating with multiple XXXs never officially recognized by the MPAA, rather being a self styling proclivity of porn to indicate all the more hardcore contained since the X rating itself was not trademarked.
I can imagine though that to get the adult rating was fully expected, but not necessarily an aim, just that the box office gold PG-13 rating was simply out of the question simply due to plot regardless of anything actually seen.
Ahead of the much anticipated—and much hyped—launch, domestic violence campaigners called for boycott (theguardian.com) using the #50dollarsnot50shades hashtag:
“A social media campaign with the hashtag #50dollarsnot50shades argues the $50 (£33) cost of a cinema ticket and snacks would be better used supporting shelters and agencies that support abused women. Advocates specifically label the movie’s female protagonist Anastasia Steele, played by Dakota Johnson in the upcoming adaptation of EL James’s bestselling literary knee-trembler, as a victim of abuse.”
Although not specifically an unwilling one, according to plot at least; considering that the genre in which the book and its film adaption has a manacled foot is especially popular with the fairer, and therefore seemingly more submissive sex, there surely must be some point on the road at which the enjoyable fantasy and real life abusive hell fork off, which has been covered already following along the FSOG track: is the turn on for women reading such fantasies really of being tied and beat? (Pick of the Week Jul. 2013).
The film’s female director, Sam Taylor-Johnson, open-minded about the BDSM scene and keen to mark BDSM as a “boundaried sexual environment”, states she wanted to portray the central relationship in a balanced way:
“I thought, if we can take this girl on a journey, where we empower her and don’t leave her as a victim, that’s job done. We start with Anastasia coming into his world and grappling with it—so she’s an autonomous person.”
Cinemas, well aware that the release was to be as much an “event” as anything else were keen to keep a “boundaried sexual environment” too: Film-goers in US banned from taking in “props” to screenings (independent.co.uk).
“While we welcome those guests who want to show their excitement for a film by dressing up in costume, we do not permit weapons (real or fake), or props/costumes that would make guests uncomfortable, or detract from the moviegoing experience.”
But over here in the UK, DIY suppliers were keen to cater for prop sales after: B&Q memo tells staff to read Fifty Shades of Grey to prepare for surge in bondage prop sales.
“The note, which is reported to have been posted on the DIY company’s internal internet portal, says that staff should expect an increase in the number of queries relating to ‘rope, cable ties and masking or duck tape’.”
So, okay; how’d it do?
Taking £4.6million in the UK on its opening night alone, the highest ever box office takings for an 18 certificate movie, first reviews were quickly in and, despite the hoopla, whip-cracking, Beyoncé song teasing and record breaking earnings, pretty much what most expected: Fifty Shades Of Grey review: “This film is painfully normal…” (denofgeek.com).
“…the [biggest] surprise for Fifty Shades Of Grey as a movie is how other than in the carnal scenes, this romantic melodrama is played numbingly straight. And I don’t mean in the biblical sense.”
But numbingly straight romantic melodrama aside, issue was took again with the portrayal of BDSM culture:
“Now I’m no expert on BDSM culture, but whether dominant or submissive, one should probably take issue with this narrative, which features a woman completely succumbing to a man who stalks her at her job and enters her apartment without warning after rejection. Whatever works for a couple in the privacy of their own bedroom is for them alone, but when that work needs to be accomplished by the female partner legally agreeing to call her lover ‘sir’ at all times or else it is within his rights to ‘punish’ her, then their gender politics might be in need of a revolution.”
For sure, a scene that is not in the least of interest to me, dominant, submissive, “boundaried sexual environment” or not. The Federalist’s reviewer suggested: Fifty Shades, a cry for help from women betrayed by feminism (thefederalist.com), but again, not because of an overload of BDSM, but rather it’s portrayal:
“The reason why the fan fiction, books and movie are so enjoyed by legions of women is ostensibly because it’s supposed to be erotic, with plenty from the bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism (BDSM) ouevre. But for a movie that has the more morally minded among us clutching their pearls, with more than an average movie’s nudity and more than an average movie’s discipline role-playing (but only slightly), a viewer might be tempted to ask if that’s all the B there is. And where’s the S? And most especially where’s the M? Yes, you get to see much of Johnson’s trim body over and over again. And Dornan’s torso and fannie to boot. Hurray. But the actual BDSM is mild and it’s treated in this film mostly as a deep psychological problem Grey developed….”
But whether it disappoints that it will not be up for an Oscar or not, I’ve a sense still that the real issue here is that what goes on in our fantasies is often not what we could entertain or enjoy in real life, and you know, that’s why it has been a regular Pick since the book, and in particular its film adaption made headlines; it may not appeal to me, but for sure, I’ve experienced first hand the talking point and event that it has been as a vehicle for fantasy for many—particularly women—and that I am all for.
A franchise and sequel is expected of course, but the role of dominant and submissive may be in question production-wise: Fifty Shades Of Grey director Sam Taylor-Johnson pulls out of directing sequels (huffingtonpost.co.uk).
“‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ director Sam Taylor-Johnson is reportedly set to pull out of making the follow-up films after a string of furious bust-ups with the book’s author EL James. Despite apparently signing up to film the second and third movies in the trilogy, the British director is now said to want out.”
Update 24th February 2015
“The magazine also resurrects claims Jamie didn’t click with co-star Dakota Johnson, saying: ‘Jamie does not think his performance was bad—instead he blames Dakota and says it wasn’t possible to have chemistry with her. He says Dakota gave him nothing to work with’ [while] critics slammed Jamie’s performance in the film as unappealing and dreary and the movie has been blasted as timid and tame.”
“Critics slammed Jamie’s performance in the film as unappealing and dreary and the movie has been blasted as timid and tame.”
But still dominating the box office, taking more than €350million (approx. £257M) worldwide so far, and certainly a memorable “event” for some:
“Elsewhere, a woman has been arrested after being caught pleasuring herself during Fifty Shades of Grey. The 33-year-old was reported to staff by fellow cinema-goers in Western Mexico. She was led away from the scene in handcuffs by cops.”
Here’s Dakota at the Fifty Shades of Grey première in London (hawtcelebs.com)…
And a naked peek in Fifty Shades of Grey (egotastic.com)…
Arts, culture, tech. & funnies
“Ganhugiyn Purevbata, founder and professor of the Mongolian Institute of Buddhist Art at Ulaanbaatar Buddhist University, told The Siberian Times: ‘Lama is sitting in the lotus position vajra, the left hand is opened, and the right hand symbolizes of the preaching Sutra. This is a sign that the Lama is not dead, but is in a very deep meditation according to the ancient tradition of Buddhist lamas.’”
Either that or popped off and just forgot to close his hand to let all know he’d Nivana’d on, and if not, lotus position and deep inner tranquilly or not, he’s gonna have a flippin’ soar arse and likely a helluva case of farmer Giles (cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk) after sitting down for all that time.
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