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Pick of the week

Pick of the Week last few weeks

22nd February 2015

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Here’s my grab-bag pick of the best illustration inspiring celebrity gossip, scandals, arts, entertainment, & just plain quirky stories & picture sexiness. A round-up for busy pervs. There’s pictures—reading optional.

Disclaimer: Any comments I make are purely satirical, totally without foundation, and understands now why I got those curiously odd but interested looks when buying duck tape at B&Q.

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Pick of the best stories & pics

Kim Kardashian West got nude for Love (celebexposuredigest…

Kim Kardashian West, Love Magazine issue 13

Recent/related stories:

Cara Delevingne gave Kim Kardashian West tongue for Love (Pick of the Week, 31st January 2015)

Selena Gomez got topless and “Loitia-ish” for V (celebexposuredigest

Selena Gomez, V magazine March 2015

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Rita Ora and Selena Gomez got to grips with Cara Delevingne (Pick of the Week, 14th January 2015)

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Katy Perry was twerking her bikini hot yacht down under (Pick of the Week, 26th November 2014)

Britney Spears confused America with segmented Super Bowl commercial face painting (

“I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve said ‘WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!’ in the last 15 mins bc of that damn Britney commercial.”
Britney Spears, Super Bowl commercial

So one “fan” said. In truth, Brit-brit probably didn’t know either. Nor did most Europeans, who’s only superbowl knowledge is that they wear a lot of padding, toss a ball that’s more rugby than football, and that it’s a tiny bit like rugby but without the misshapen noses and cauliflower ears but with even more intermittent stoppage than bloody cricket.

Recent/related stories:

And got tie-tied for a Fifty Shades Of Grey inspired themed photoshoot (celebexposuredigest

Maitland Ward, Fifty Shades Of Grey inspired Valentine’s Day photoshoot

Sadly nothing themed for Shrove Tuesday though, although you could squirt a lil’ lemon and sugar on this.

Maitland Ward, Fifty Shades Of Grey inspired Valentine’s Day photoshoot

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Maitland Ward gave New Year’s Eve Creativ PR pussy peekage (Pick of the Week, 14th January 2015)

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Ariana Grande faced angel wing for Victoria Secret show 2014 (Pick of the Week, 19th December 2014)
Jessie J, Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande Bang Banged the AMAs (Pick of the Week, 26th November 2014)

Got a tit out for AnOther (celebexposuredigest

Rihanna, AnOther magazine March 2015

Recent/related stories:

Rihanna got wet, showed skin for Esquire UK (Pick of the Week, 13th November 2014)
Rihanna gave Halloween turtle tongue (Pick of the Week, 31st October 2014)
The Fappening released more for the Fapp, including naked RiRi (Pick of the Week, 17th September 2014)

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Ashley Benson was topless in Maui (Pick of the Week, 16th July 2014)

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Chelsea Handler got topless, mounted camel! (Pick of the Week 31st January 2015)
Chelsea Handler gave a cold tittie tweet (Pick of the Week, 14th January)
Chelsea Handler gave ass for Instagram ass (Pick of the Week, 19th December 2014)

Iggy Azalea had bent over Trouble (celebrityoopsdigest

Iggy Azalea, on set of Trouble music video in Los Angeles

Recent/related stories:

Iggy Azalea & J.Lo shook striped booty at the AMAs (Pick of the Week, 26th November 2014)
Iggy Azalea split her pants at a Bar Mitzvah (Pick of the Week, 13th November 2014)

Charli XCX got her moOoOOOOOoOOo on for Jimmy Kimmel (cheekypopdivadigest…

Charli XCX, Jimmy Kimmel Live

And was a finger licker rather than a SUCKER for NME (celebritytonguedigest

Charli XCX NME Awards 2015 in London

Recent/related stories:

Charli XCX’s cleavage was Heaven in London (Pick of the Week, 31st January 2015)

More tongue teasers

Dani Thorne gave laser away side pokeage (celebritytonguedigest

Recent/related stories:

Dani Thorne gave showntoscale tongue (Pick of the Week, 19th December 2014)
Kaili Thorne showed where to hang your hat (Pick of the Week, 21st July 2014)

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Zendaya, Radio Disney pokeage (, 24th November 2014)

Miley Cyrus gave happy hippy pokeage (celebritytonguedigest

Miley Cyrus, Instagram

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Miley Cyrus got her baps out and wet in Hawaii (Pick of the Week, 31st January 2015)
Miley Cyrus nudie Bangerz tour polaroids for V (Pick of the Week, 14th January 2015)
Miley Cyrus gave Moschino party pokeage (Pick of the Week, 19th December 2014)

Ashley Tisdale gave paparazzi pokeage (celebritytonguedigest

Ashley Tisdale out and about in Los Angeles

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.:: Top column 2 ::.
SelGo, Swift—¡Ay Que Rico!
Whether “purposely” aged-down for photoshoot or not, there was certainly nothing small about 22-yr-old SelGo’s recent toy preference, as Taylor discovered. “¡Ay Que Rico!”

Yes, it finally arrived, certainly not going straight to DVD after all!

Dakota Johnson confuses Jamie Dornan’s sex toys with his Xbox in new Fifty Shades of Grey teaser (

“When Anastasia asks Grey what’s behind a certain door in his plush Seattle penthouse, Grey responds ‘my play room.’ FSOG fans know that means sex, but Anastasia is confused. ‘Like your Xbox and stuff?’ asks Anastasia. No Ana!”
Dakota Johnson gets confused in the new FSOG teaser

No indeed, rather being the veritable media circus the whole thing has been pushed, poked, bound and whipped to be behind that door instead.

Fifty Shades on Grey, on billboard near you

Laid for a Valentine’s Day release, the “erotic play” in and out of said play room in the adaption of E.L. James’ bestselling erotic novel earned it an 18 certificate in the UK, which I’m sure would have been a damned cuffing to something other than the bedpost had it not:

“Despite the fact a lot of the most graphic sex scenes have reportedly been toned down for the big screen, there’s still enough of it, 20 minutes in fact—a third of the movie and enough to get an 18 certificate.”

The highest categorisation available in the UK of course, equivelent to NC-17 in the US, formally an X rating with multiple XXXs never officially recognized by the MPAA, rather being a self styling proclivity of porn to indicate all the more hardcore contained since the X rating itself was not trademarked.

I can imagine though that to get the adult rating was fully expected, but not necessarily an aim, just that the box office gold PG-13 rating was simply out of the question simply due to plot regardless of anything actually seen.

Ahead of the much anticipated—and much hyped—launch, domestic violence campaigners called for boycott ( using the #50dollarsnot50shades hashtag:

Boycott Fifty Shades on Grey
“A social media campaign with the hashtag #50dollarsnot50shades argues the $50 (£33) cost of a cinema ticket and snacks would be better used supporting shelters and agencies that support abused women. Advocates specifically label the movie’s female protagonist Anastasia Steele, played by Dakota Johnson in the upcoming adaptation of EL James’s bestselling literary knee-trembler, as a victim of abuse.”

Although not specifically an unwilling one, according to plot at least; considering that the genre in which the book and its film adaption has a manacled foot is especially popular with the fairer, and therefore seemingly more submissive sex, there surely must be some point on the road at which the enjoyable fantasy and real life abusive hell fork off, which has been covered already following along the FSOG track: is the turn on for women reading such fantasies really of being tied and beat? (Pick of the Week Jul. 2013).

The film’s female director, Sam Taylor-Johnson, open-minded about the BDSM scene and keen to mark BDSM as a “boundaried sexual environment”, states she wanted to portray the central relationship in a balanced way:

“I thought, if we can take this girl on a journey, where we empower her and don’t leave her as a victim, that’s job done. We start with Anastasia coming into his world and grappling with it—so she’s an autonomous person.”

Cinemas, well aware that the release was to be as much an “event” as anything else were keen to keep a “boundaried sexual environment” too: Film-goers in US banned from taking in “props” to screenings (

“While we welcome those guests who want to show their excitement for a film by dressing up in costume, we do not permit weapons (real or fake), or props/costumes that would make guests uncomfortable, or detract from the moviegoing experience.”

But over here in the UK, DIY suppliers were keen to cater for prop sales after: B&Q memo tells staff to read Fifty Shades of Grey to prepare for surge in bondage prop sales.

Fifty Shades on Grey, B&Q memo to expect increase in prop related queries
“The note, which is reported to have been posted on the DIY company’s internal internet portal, says that staff should expect an increase in the number of queries relating to ‘rope, cable ties and masking or duck tape’.”

So, okay; how’d it do?

Taking £4.6million in the UK on its opening night alone, the highest ever box office takings for an 18 certificate movie, first reviews were quickly in and, despite the hoopla, whip-cracking, Beyoncé song teasing and record breaking earnings, pretty much what most expected: Fifty Shades Of Grey review: “This film is painfully normal…” (

“…the [biggest] surprise for Fifty Shades Of Grey as a movie is how other than in the carnal scenes, this romantic melodrama is played numbingly straight. And I don’t mean in the biblical sense.”

But numbingly straight romantic melodrama aside, issue was took again with the portrayal of BDSM culture:

“Now I’m no expert on BDSM culture, but whether dominant or submissive, one should probably take issue with this narrative, which features a woman completely succumbing to a man who stalks her at her job and enters her apartment without warning after rejection. Whatever works for a couple in the privacy of their own bedroom is for them alone, but when that work needs to be accomplished by the female partner legally agreeing to call her lover ‘sir’ at all times or else it is within his rights to ‘punish’ her, then their gender politics might be in need of a revolution.”

For sure, a scene that is not in the least of interest to me, dominant, submissive, “boundaried sexual environment” or not. The Federalist’s reviewer suggested: Fifty Shades, a cry for help from women betrayed by feminism (, but again, not because of an overload of BDSM, but rather it’s portrayal:

Jamie Dornan, Fifty Shades on Grey
“The reason why the fan fiction, books and movie are so enjoyed by legions of women is ostensibly because it’s supposed to be erotic, with plenty from the bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism (BDSM) ouevre. But for a movie that has the more morally minded among us clutching their pearls, with more than an average movie’s nudity and more than an average movie’s discipline role-playing (but only slightly), a viewer might be tempted to ask if that’s all the B there is. And where’s the S? And most especially where’s the M? Yes, you get to see much of Johnson’s trim body over and over again. And Dornan’s torso and fannie to boot. Hurray. But the actual BDSM is mild and it’s treated in this film mostly as a deep psychological problem Grey developed….”

But whether it disappoints that it will not be up for an Oscar or not, I’ve a sense still that the real issue here is that what goes on in our fantasies is often not what we could entertain or enjoy in real life, and you know, that’s why it has been a regular Pick since the book, and in particular its film adaption made headlines; it may not appeal to me, but for sure, I’ve experienced first hand the talking point and event that it has been as a vehicle for fantasy for many—particularly women—and that I am all for.

A franchise and sequel is expected of course, but the role of dominant and submissive may be in question production-wise: Fifty Shades Of Grey director Sam Taylor-Johnson pulls out of directing sequels (

“‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ director Sam Taylor-Johnson is reportedly set to pull out of making the follow-up films after a string of furious bust-ups with the book’s author EL James. Despite apparently signing up to film the second and third movies in the trilogy, the British director is now said to want out.”

Update 24th February 2015

“The magazine also resurrects claims Jamie didn’t click with co-star Dakota Johnson, saying: ‘Jamie does not think his performance was bad—instead he blames Dakota and says it wasn’t possible to have chemistry with her. He says Dakota gave him nothing to work with’ [while] critics slammed Jamie’s performance in the film as unappealing and dreary and the movie has been blasted as timid and tame.”

Ouch! Although:

“Critics slammed Jamie’s performance in the film as unappealing and dreary and the movie has been blasted as timid and tame.”

But still dominating the box office, taking more than €350million (approx. £257M) worldwide so far, and certainly a memorable “event” for some:

“Elsewhere, a woman has been arrested after being caught pleasuring herself during Fifty Shades of Grey. The 33-year-old was reported to staff by fellow cinema-goers in Western Mexico. She was led away from the scene in handcuffs by cops.”

Recent/related stories:

Dakota Johnson was topless in Pantelleria (Pick of the Week, 26th November 2014)
Beyoncé teased with first Fifty Shades of Grey trailer (Pick of the Week 23rd July 2014)

Arts, culture, tech. & funnies

“Ganhugiyn Purevbata, founder and professor of the Mongolian Institute of Buddhist Art at Ulaanbaatar Buddhist University, told The Siberian Times: ‘Lama is sitting in the lotus position vajra, the left hand is opened, and the right hand symbolizes of the preaching Sutra. This is a sign that the Lama is not dead, but is in a very deep meditation according to the ancient tradition of Buddhist lamas.’”

Either that or popped off and just forgot to close his hand to let all know he’d Nivana’d on, and if not, lotus position and deep inner tranquilly or not, he’s gonna have a flippin’ soar arse and likely a helluva case of farmer Giles ( after sitting down for all that time.

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Tags: Ariana Grande, Ashley Benson, Ashley Tisdale, Britney Spears, Cara Delevingne, Charli XCX, Chelsea Handler, Christina Aguilera, Dakota Johnson, Dani Thorne, Elisabetta Canalis, Iggy Azalea, Jennifer Lawrence, Jenni J-Woww Farley, Katy Perry, Kendall Jenner, Kim Kardashian, Maitland Ward, Miley Cyrus, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, Selena Gomez, Xtina, Zendaya.

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Illustrations, paintings, and cartoons featuring caricatured celebrities are intended purely as parody and fantasised depictions often relating to a particular news story, and often parodying said story and the media and pop cultural representation of said celebrity as much as anything else. Who am I really satirising? Read more.

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