Pick of… best of 2015
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Here’s my grab-bag pick of the best illustration inspiring celebrity gossip, scandals, arts, entertainment, & just plain quirky stories & picture sexiness of the year. A round-up for busy pervs. There’s pictures—reading optional.
Disclaimer: Any comments I make are purely satirical, totally without foundation, and sincerely expressing my thanks for all visitors throughout the year, wishing you all the best for the next.
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Pick of the year’s best stories & pics
Miley Cyrus started the year as she was to continue throughout with ever increasing removal of with nude tour polaroids for V magazine.
As well as having Selena Gomez lend a bestie hand to catch one of her Golden Globes, British Fashion Awards Model of the Year and serial fem be-friender Cara Delevingne got the long lens paparazzi treatment sunbathing topless in Malibu begining their year long CaKe association with Kendall Jenner.
Certainly a better year than the previous few for Lindsay Lohan, now resident in London and with a gig in the West End production of Speed-the-Plow, but January saw her in trouble for not completing her community service in LA. The reason—or at least the one she gave—she’s contracted a “mosquito virus” when one bit her bum on Bora Bora. No, it didn’t pierce the skin with the judge either, but she was spared pokie again.
It was also when a curious case of bottle and door-bendage began in Instagram photos LiLo posted which would continue throughout 2015, seemingly demonstrating that either said mosquito was of a certain quantum-powered X-Insect variety or the gravitational pull her ginger minge still has for many.
February saw the then 22-year-old Selena Gomez got topless and causing a fuss for being “Loitia-ish” for V .
After her champaign glass bare bedunk balancing with added full-frontal that #BrokeTheInternet for Paper late last year, Kim Kardashian West got completely nude for Love .
Huge bootied shaven-headed American rapper and model Amber Rose candidly showed her mamma Maui mau maus before spending much of the rest of the year discussing youngest of the Kardashian-Jenner Korps cultural fairground attractions Kylie Jenner’s boyfriend, and former boyfriend of her BFF Blac Chyna, Tyga’s “baby dating” etiquette.
Sadly resulting in some terrible media-and-otherwise trolling for the otherwise pint-sized popstrel and actress. It was later to be revealled she was currently suffering from Lupus and was credit to her how indignantly bravely she dealt with the attention for something which was surely their problem—if not just opportunity—more than hers.
Avril Lavigne’s shock diagnosis of Lyme disease put stop to speculation which had usually centered around trips to rehab and bravely told how she would not let it hold her back.
Sadly, her marriage to Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger would not last out the year.
As already said, her nudity spree would culminate in full frontal—with accessories—in November.
Kardashian-Jenner Korps young fashion envoy Kendall Jenner gave bikini booty with fashion new It girls Gigi and Bella Hadid in Monte Carlo.
And Swedish singer and songwriter Tove Lo let us in on an on-stage flash trick she does—and continued to do the for the second half of the year—which you can apparently join in with.
For sure, a booty bangin’ contest with Nicki would seemingly surely be a forlorn hope for Taylor were it not for the fact that, well… Taylor gets to decide who wears what whether it’s pink or not on whichever particular day.
It let anyone else in who had vegan beef to grind too, mainly in the form of Miley Cyrus who had been building up to showing hers pretty much all year. Dissident feminist Camille Paglia would draw fire on Taylor’s pink curtains in December too. #NaziBarbie
It was perhaps one of the biggest, and most poked and licked stories of the year, when petite popstrel Ariana Grande licked a doughnut; alas, it was still on the counter on sale at the time. Blaming obesity in the USA for her surgery tongue sliding, many elder Arianator armchair warriors were furiously syrup steamed at her unpatriotism. Fortunately it only took a flash of petite panties or two to cause them to forgive and love her again.
August saw youngest Kardashian-Jenner Korps cultural fairground attraction Kylie Jenner come of age, resulting in immediate bikini boob and bedunk bikini fest which would pretty much last out the rest of the year.
Kim Kardashian West gave a pregnant nude selfie because, hey, some might enjoy, but mainly to prove to people not getting any attention without name-calling that it wasn’t really a pillow up her dress. Once it was out, she’d again share the Full nude Monty before or slightly during at years end in December.
And Celebrity Big Brother in the UK had to axe Tila Tequila from the house for “unacceptable” Hitler praise that the unwell in the past American model and television personality had said… sometime in the past, which the prospect that she’d be guaranteed to slip nip and whatever else while getting the sanctimonious backs up of everyone in the house seemingly negating CBB researchers need to scout out prospective contestants’ past and present state of mind and mental well-being. A seeming repeat would be aired with backdoor ex-Teen Mom Farrah Abraham in the US vs GB house in September.
September saw Selena Gomez, stymied by her musical progression being seemingly interchangeable with a tabloid story, give nudity lowblow back at ’ya with Rebirth album artwork.
It also saw things fly on Celebrity Big Brother’s US vs UK Bit On the Side when former Teen Mom backdoor access sex tape star Farrah Abraham was escorted off and questioned by police after a glass—or some may say glasses and certainly a chair or two—were thrown.
Seemingly hated from the start, for whatever reason she was invited on—perhaps that being exactly it—as with Tila Tequila the previous month, Channel 5 seemingly absolved itself from any blame, seemingly giving the public exactly what it wanted.
October saw sad events lead an increasingly Confident Demi Lovato to giva a spontaneous no make-up nude for Vanity Fair with ample rear view, and if you judiciously zoomed in, a reasonable shot of her bum hole.
It also saw Hef realise he’s no longer his 12-year-old self with Playboy—in the US at least—rebranding for the prevelent non-peek-a-boo social justice warrior social media ethos by deciding to drop the nude.
Much was made—or at least put forward—of the move and they hoped to get Taylor “on Wednesday’s we wear pink, not show it” Swift for there first non-nude issue, but seemingly had to settle for album-promoting rising R&B singer and former model Tinashe instead, leaving them to concentrate on promoting nude bunny stalwart Pamela Anderson for their final nude issue as a fallback plan.
November saw Miley Cyrus’ year-long striptease jump the shark getting full frontally nude—with accessories—for transversal style magazine Candy in a photoshoot by famed cheeky chappie Terry Richardson.
Not to be outdone by now come-of-age lil’ sis in August, Kardashian-Jenner Korps slightly older young fashion envoy Kendall Jenner #FreedNipple for 40m followers.
And, after much rumour an A-lister was about to, Charlie Sheen came out on TV as secretly battling HIV and some of his rent-a-night-goddesses who had been blackmailing, resulting in those longer-term goddesses he had carried around on his Torpedoes of truth bandwagon a couple of years before replacing the blackmail with lawsuits.
Giving birth to her second child with rappin’ tailor beau Kanye at the start of the month, Kim Kardashian West shared the full nude Monty again in a desert photoshoot shot some time before or early during.
And dissident feminist Camille Paglia termed Taylor Swift an “obnoxious Nazi Barbie” for perpetuating elitism and undermining female empowerment. That’s a Barbie Nazi, not a FemiNazi, y’all.
For sure, she wasn’t the first to suggest similar but, then again, some not ascribing to any sort of feminism seem to have an issue with her too, not for being young, female, and attractive, but rather daring to be anything other than that.
.:: Top column 2 ::.
Oops! Best wardrobe malfunction
Very Confident by the end of the year, January saw—and allowed you to see—a peek of Demi Lovato’s lower lippage climbing out at The Ivy.
She would go on to out more lippage—that on her arm—by turning it into a rose and further alienating an already happy to be tattooed and alt. crowd while forcing them to vocalise she once peed on their toilet seat in May—reminding us of the dangers of…
#YouNeverEvenGaveMeAShoutOut and impossibly long hashtags in cramped columns.
In March “Tina Turn Up” Christina Milian’s sideboob and nipple was in première slipped Focus, as one or the other continued to be for much of the year.
April had Nip/Tuck, 90210, and more recently Dallas reboots vexing vixen AnnaLynne McCord slip a nip.
Halloween had forever pop punk princess Avril Lavigne giving a pumpkin shopping nip slip.
During her 10 outfit changes at the American Music Awards, Jennifer Lopez’s silver trim, silver gown with sheer bodice gave pussy peekage.
Leaked pictures & sex tapes
For sure, that thing that could not be avoided by many despite how much they were told they should, “The Fappening” in the latter part of last year seemingly brought a sea-change in response to leaked pictures and such, which were conspicuous more by their absence this year, but…
Although not leaked, whichever ’pa she’s with now let American former reality show contestant Courtney Stodden haz a diddling sex tape with Vivid.
Arts, culture, tech. tragedy & funnies
The year began most tragically within the first week with four of the most well-known cartoonists in France shot dead in Charlie Hebdo Paris shooting.
Leading the democratic world—and Twitter—to profess “Je suis Charlie” (“I am Charlie”), but although in response to cartoon depictions of the prophet Muhammad it was made clear little descrimination was made whatever the name.
“I am not Charlie, I am Ahmed the dead cop. Charlie ridiculed my faith and culture and I died defending his right to do so. #JesuisAhmed”
It would become clear to many throughout the year that their form of religious “extremism” was more power-grab opportunity and before the year was out many in the democratic world would see the opportunity in it too.
The #FreeTheNipple trend reached its popped out peak with campaign founder Lina Esco releasing her Free the Nipple film on why she made a film called Free the Nipple and why she’s being censored in America.
For many though, it was a little too much Revolution rhetoric 101 and too little #FreedNipple—perhaps she should have waited a month and featured more of the handcuffs the actor-cops were restraining arms rather than jiggly bits to piggyback on the long awaited Fifty Shades movie in February— but that didn’t stop nipples being as frequently freed as they always had, for whatever new cause to greet opportunity which would come along.
Demonstrating that porn—despite its persona non grata presence for lumbersexuals to chop their iWood while seeking non-porn nude selfie accumulation from those just “friended” on F’Book—is actually a vehicle for education—or at least a debateable talking point—sex educator Lux Alptraum asked if “The question isn’t if female ejaculation is real, it’s why you don’t trust women to tell you” with reagards the hot fluid topic which had fell foul of newly introduced UK porn laws branded “ridiculous” in left-leaning daily The Guardian no less.
Seemingly few though were able to voice that culturally with regards most people’s porn-only experience of it, it on the whole appears to be for the industry the long-longed for socially sanitised female equivalent of the “money shot”.
February saw the Fifty Shades of Grey movie spinoff hit the cinemas rather than going straight-to-DVD after all. So how’d it do?
Really was that even a question; regards all the hype that had been invested in a book which had cuffed “mommy porn” female hearts and regardless of reviews of what was—and not—to be seen onscreen could it really possibly not be guaranteed some success regardless if it was just a social meme and “I was bound to be there” good night out that seemingly all had jumped on, and proved a sales opportunity too for some unexpected sources, like B&Q.
In May, the world briefly stopped spinning while people checked the spinning hands on their wrists—and yours—to see if they—and you—needed an Apple watch.
Unsure of what beyond the branding the real use of the much-vaunted gadget was, sales fell by 90 per cent within months so it seemed most didn’t, the main buyers seemingly being Chinese oligarchs for their dogs, which perhaps led them to release music streaming which Taylor Swift dissaproved of in July and the pen/stylus that the late CEO Steve Jobs hated instead in September.
July saw legendary Mexican drug lord Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzmán escape prison again, this time a fortunate mile-long tunnel being conveniently discovered under his prison cell shower with a motorcycle-on-rails to save his prison shoe boot leather to boot.
Setting forth all manner of enforement to capture him again including the retired generals that had finally brought an end to Colombian king of cocaine Pablo Escobar after he had decided to have time out from the prison the Colombian Gov’ment had him build himself they would finally catch up with him while paying a call on a lady friend in October, but despite having to leap off a cliff, breaking a leg in the process, more bullet holes were left from attack choppers in villagers dwellings and belongings and an unfortunate squirrel that had desperately tried the same leap.
Updated 8th January 2016.
But was nabbed again… What will his escape be this time, commandeered Amazon drone from San Diego lifting him out off a maximum security roof? Mexico captures fugitive drug lord “El Chapo” Guzmán… again (Latest Picks 8th Jan. 2016).
And as the year had started, November saw us #PrayForParis again as shootings and explosions left at least 128 dead.
And finally, those we will miss…
This year sadly the following passed on.
February saw New Romantics movement Visage lead singer Steve Strange pass on, with Spandau Ballet and Boy George among pallbearers.
June saw Prince of Hammer darkness Sir Christopher Lee pass on to scare the bats n’ beetles outta any in heaven or hell.
July saw Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown’s daughter Bobbi Kristina Brown pass on aged 22 at a hospice care facility.
August saw Minder actor and Flash Harry in the early St Trinian’s films George Cole pass on.
60s singer and Blind Date UK TV stalwart Cila Black.
And actress who played Batgirl in Batman TV series Yvonne Craig.
Legendary horror writer/director Wes Craven rose the dead when he joined them in October.
November bid farewell to ex-Motörhead drummer Phil “Philthy Animal” Taylor.
And very English madam Cynthia Payne.
In December footballer turned TV presenter Jimmy Hill went offside, but that outstandingly sizeable chin remains for many South East English the most nuanced manner of expressing disbelief. #ChinnyReckon
And Motörhead frontman and cultural icon Lemmy Kilmister just days after Christmas.
So there you have it, those were my picks of the year. Did I miss anything? If you feel so, please let me know. Wishing you a wonderful start to 2016!
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