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Kim Kardashian West held at gunpoint in Paris, millions stolen

3rd October 2016

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Security footage

9th January 2017

Kim Kardashian robbery suspects caught by DNA, surveillance video (

“Law enforcement sources tell us cops found DNA from at least one and possibly 2 robbers on the gag they used to silence Kim. We’re also told the surveillance video of the robbers bicycling away from Kim’s apartment helped cops in their hunt. Cops now tell us 17 people in all have been taken in from 5 different cities in France. Three are female … the rest male.”

And “those held are between the ages of 23 and 73” ( suggesting at least one wasn’t peddling that fast on his escape bicycle, but still seemingly not the one who, to bring full circle—if it actually ever deviated from that course—for some, was the “inside man”:

Kim Kardashian’s chauffeur “among those arrested over Paris heist, raising fears of inside job” (

“A police source reportedly said one of those detained was Kardashian’s chauffeur when she was visiting Paris in October for Fashion Week and that police were trying to establish whether he had passed on information to the gang.”

11th January 2017

Robbery suspects tied to Belgium’s illegal diamond trade (

“Kim Kardashian’s robbers have strong ties to the illegal diamond trade in Belgium and now the country’s federal police force is on what is probably a futile hunt to track down the bling. Sources with knowledge of Belgium’s ‘black market’ for diamonds tell us several men arrested for the Paris robbery have ties to the market. There’s a diamond district in Antwerp and shady jewelry shops do business just outside the perimeter … that’s likely where Kim’s jewelry ended up.”

Updated 7th October 2018

And, for sure, someone’s gotta pay.

Kim Kardashian’s bodyguard is being sued for $6.1 million over her Paris robbery (

Insurer AIG claims that [bodyguard] Pascal Duvier and his company were “negligent” on the job, which resulted in the 37-year-old enduring a horrific and life-threatening experience that resulted in the theft of millions of pounds worth of jewellery.

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Illustrations, paintings, and cartoons featuring caricatured celebrities are intended purely as parody and fantasised depictions often relating to a particular news story, and often parodying said story and the media and pop cultural representation of said celebrity as much as anything else. Who am I really satirising? Read more.

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