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Easter: Chocolate fake news

18th March 2018

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Note: This post has been moved from Latest Picks.

As was remarked during the month-long build-up to Halloween last year as an autumnal money spinner complimenting Christmas (Latest Picks 8th Sept. 2017), each season seemingly needs its own to bolster economy, and for spring that’s Easter.

Chocolate Dreaming
Trump fulfilling campaign promises diarrhoea, or satire?
Orange Don’s diarrhoea demonstrating his sudden awareness “some” expect him to fulfill “campaign promises”, or satire?

But if you can’t be persuaded to go the whole hog with “DIY” Easter trees including placing branches of pussy willow in a large vase and decorating them with a large selection of baubles (—and honestly who could blame you for not really giving two pussy willow in a large vase fucks—then pretty much the Easter repertoire comes down to bunnies… and chocolate.

Chocolate fake news

But with Russia and its brand of revanchist nationalism and need to compensate for no longer being a superpower that sees potential in manipulating Deplorables in Arse Elbow, Nebraska and those having midlife crisis in Lil’ England needing Brexit to restore their sovereignty, don’t be fooled by this years chocolate fake news—back in 2016 it was that Cadbury had banned the word “Easter” from their products to stop offending religions other than Christianity (, but this year it’s not so much just the Easter branding that’s missing:

No Cadbury eggs this Easter? Don’t believe it (

Despite the claim of a false online story, Cadbury Easter creme eggs and other chocolate treats are still being made.

The headline that “Cadbury confirms it has stopped making chocolate” due to a water shortage appearing on the “Unilad” website, a title giving gist that it’s content aims to appeal to universal lads reading it along with other other online digests with combination of college and humour in title and a pair of ginormous glamour hooters to mansplain the news.

This would undoubtedly have been a break-the-internet moment of outrage on Facebook and Twitter—as had been the case when the Creme Egg recipe had been changed (, Jan. 2015)—had it not been either a fib or social media inability to digest satire in the same manner that Orange Don pooing his golf pants had been taken as the truth (, Apr. 2017) by those looking to share something—anything—to impress the random collection of strangers that contribute a “friends” list on F’book.

And if the Creme Egg is your thing for Easter—and likely three or four a week for the rest of the year too—there is an Easter special—although going since January—that could be as rewarding for your your wallet as your tummy, suggesting you really should buy more to have your “reasonable” chance of winning:

Cadbury launches limited edition white chocolate Creme Eggs which could win finders £2,000 (, Jan. 2018).

Finding a white chocolate egg could bag you £2,000
The white chocolate hunger: White chocolate Creme Eggs on social media
The white chocolate hunger

In big chocolate news, Cadbury is launching a limited supply of white chocolate Creme Eggs.

If that wasn’t exciting enough, if you find one, you could win up to £2,000.

For sure, some may have never quite imagined or expected “big chocolate news”, and one must hope we are not going to have more “big chocolate fake news”.

The new Creme Eggs are in shops including Co-op, Sainsbury’s Local, Tesco Express and local newsagents from now until April 1.

The chances of finding one, however, are slim—there are thought to be only 371 in total. What’s more, they’ll look just like normal Creme Eggs.

And that’s likely why you have puzzlingly noticing scratched foil on Creme Eggs on the shelf—or perhaps others have because it was you.

But while it may be stated on social media that “white choc creme egg will change my life” Creme Eggs in general may already have been doing just that, and beyond the sugary, sickly gooey momentary gratification, not for the better:

Cadbury Creme Egg sugar content revealed in shocking Facebook post (, Feb. 2018).

One mother has shocked the internet by posting a picture of a Creme Egg next to the amount of sugar the popular Easter treat contains.
This amount of sugar in ONE cream egg?? Surely not…crikey!

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Illustrations, paintings, and cartoons featuring caricatured celebrities are intended purely as parody and fantasised depictions often relating to a particular news story, and often parodying said story and the media and pop cultural representation of said celebrity as much as anything else. Who am I really satirising? Read more.

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