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17th July 2018

Porn star wants £5,000 so he can be buried inside a giant remote-controlled penis (

Johnny Rockard coffin campaign

Being porn star Johnny Rockard, former Bristol mayoral candidate and vice chairman of UKIP Bristol until getting the tin tack for filming a porno in one of the city’s parks and altogether bringing Kipper too much inopportune attention ( 11th Apr. 2015) saying he plans to “go off in style” after announcing he has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.

Specifically, he means being buried inside a 6ft-long phallic shaped coffin that would, of course, be complete with a pair of testicles and he has started crowdfunding to get his project off the ground.

But jokily admitting “no one is going to want to be a pallbearer carrying a cock” but that it will be “absolutely hilarious” and a “quite a historical moment—no one has ever been buried or cremated in a penis before”.

Writing on his [Go Fund Me page where he “whipped out a dildo to explain his idea”] he asks “heretics, apostates, iconoclasts and hedonistic party lovers” to “come join the party” as a “middle finger salute to tradition as people know it”.

With “absolutely no prayers whatsoever” and “just a truly and wonderfully anarchistic event of vicars and tarts suitably and scurrilously anti-dressed for the occasion”.

With plan B being just a purple casket and having the theme tune for On the Buses played instead. Sad to hear though and good luck with it Johnny, and hang on in there in the meantime.

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Illustrations, paintings, and cartoons featuring caricatured celebrities are intended purely as parody and fantasised depictions often relating to a particular news story, and often parodying said story and the media and pop cultural representation of said celebrity as much as anything else. Who am I really satirising? Read more.

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