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An illustration of Elon Musk freeing Twitter bird logo from a cage.
image via Pixabay

Poll: Social Musk

After having floated to followers the idea of creating his own platform (theblast.com, Mar. 2022) over his dissatisfaction with supposed clampdown on free speech, billionaire entrepreneur and business mogul Elon Musk has instead bought Twitter for forty-four billion dollars (bbc.co.uk).

Seeking to reduce dependence on advertising, Musk’s suggestions of his “vision” to banks that helped fund his acquisition range from cutting salaries of board directors and job cuts, charging a fee for embedding tweets from verified accounts and option to promote dogecoin via payment for premium subscription (reuters.com).

Which do you feel may reward former CEO and fellow cyptocoin evangelist Jack “tone-deaf” Dorsey’s ear-whispering faith (businessinsider.com) in making Twitter a public benefit yet profit-making enterprise?

Premium Social Musk subscriptions with VIP Purple tick and mushroom shaped “speak-my-mind” crown avatar, which, casting aside the supposed “people’s crypto” Dogecoin (cnbc.com, Oct. 2021), is purchasable in newer impulsive investor-beloved DodgyCoin, who’s success has so far been measured in how many times it has paid a virtual copyright-infringing chicken to cross an intellectual property road.
Commission on sale of more tweets as NFTs of those with Blue or Purple Social Musk ticks as “Mona Lisa of the digital world” that no one really wants let alone afford to buy (theguardian.com, Apr. 2022).
Sale of tie-in phallic Tweets-in-XSpace-themed rocket mascot merchandise with Amazon, “ties to China” warning Bezos-themed (news.sky.com) separated saucer ring in need of rescue.
Sale of non-virtual soapboxes of formally marginalised bigots, supremacists and conspiracy fruit ’n’ nuts his enthused promotion of “free” speech (bloomberg.com, Apr. 2022) as de facto public town square entertainment will re-give oxygen to.

Updated 13th May 2022

Elon Musk puts Twitter deal on hold over fake account details (bbc.co.uk).

He said he was waiting for information “supporting [the] calculation that spam/fake accounts do indeed represent less than 5% of users”.

The estimated figure Twitter announced in its first quarter 2022 results and with Luke Skywalker Mark Hamill noting the force no longer seemed to be with him after losing thousands of followers as Twitter tried to bury trolls and spam in anticipation of the buyout (independent.co.uk, Apr. 2022) perhaps giving the mercurial entrepreneur an expensive moment of clarity regards whether either there are any real real non-celebrity users that are not logging on behind 7 proxies (knowyourmeme.com) in a St. Petersburg troll factory or whether it is not spam bots but indeed just virtual ordinary Jane/Joe issuing free speech out of the wrong hole making that Social Musk reminiscent of the blocked sewer beneath the de facto public town square and giving us the social media we deserve.

Under the terms of the deal, if either Twitter or Mr Musk walk away they must pay the other side a termination fee of $1bn.

Updated 18th May 2022

And, being a late-diagnosed, but incredibly obvious Aspie myself and recalling that I had made a red annotation in the original markup for this poll which read “no need to mention his ASD”, I’d also mentally noted that it was impossible that it was not going to come up in a derogatory manner at some point in the story:

“Twitter exec trashing free speech & mocking people with Asperger’s”: Elon Musk retweets undercover vid of Twitter exec saying he can’t take Tesla CEO “seriously” due to his Asperger’s diagnosis as he boasts about limiting free speech (dailymail.co.uk).

With Fail Online as usual doing its upmost to cram as much body copy into the headline to apparently make reading beyond redundant.

Alex Martinez, a lead client partner, was secretly recorded condemning the Tesla billionaire—who could be his next boss—to an undercover reporter at a bar.

He claimed the entrepreneur is “literally special needs… so I can’t even take what you’re saying seriously’ during the lengthy conversation, adding: ‘He’s a loony tune.’

With the position of that “senior executive” now doubtless in serious doubt if we do get Social Musk and the reporter, whom he had “organically met“ and seemed to felt he was on a date with—who had allayed his fears after warnings by corporate security of loose lips sting operations—working for far-right activist group Project Veritas (Wikipedia), and that Musk had “spotted” it reminding that he likely has Trumpian leanings despite trying to dispel fears of “some right-wing takeover as people on the left may fear” with his acquisition (businessinsider.com). But with footage released the previous day featuring a named “senior engineer” saying “the company culture is extremely far left where workers are ‘commie as f**k’ and they ‘hate, hate, hate’ Musk’s $44billion takeover”, Veritas is of course eager to swell the bipartisan divide.

But, with Musk “still committed” (theguardian.com), it could serve as negotiation tactic:

Meanwhile he fueled speculation he could be seeking to negotiate paying less for the social media giant as he told a Miami conference an agreement at a lower price wouldn’t be “out of the question”.

Updated 26th May 2022

Elon Musk has secured additional funding to acquire Twitter, filings say (theguardian.com).

Elon Musk has secured additional funding to purchase Twitter, according to financial filings made public on Wednesday, moving the billionaire closer to completing the high-profile deal.

And is in talks with shareholders for “additional financing commitments”, including from former CEO Dorsey. But with the Twitter board having “not embraced Elon Musk”, Dorsey’s term as a board member expired and the re-election of a Musk ally Egon Durban to the board blocked by investors, it could be wondered if he had swallowed at least some some of the “poison pill” the board used as a strategy to attempt to fend off his takeover (business-standard.com, Apr. 2022)—and perhaps wished he had swallowed it all.

Updated 27th May 2022

Twitter shareholders sue Elon Musk and Twitter over chaotic deal (cnbc.com).

In a proposed class-action lawsuit filed on Wednesday, Twitter shareholders allege that Musk violated California corporate laws on several fronts, and in doing so engaged in market manipulation.

With the term “insider information” being used describing his ear-whispering with “tone deaf” Dorsey.

Musk also snapped up shares in Twitter, the complaint says, while he knew insider information about the company based on private conversations with board members and executives, including former CEO Jack Dorsey, a longtime friend of Musk’s, and Silver Lake co-CEO Egon Durban, a Twitter board member whose firm had previously invested in SolarCity before Tesla acquired it.

Updated 17th June 2022

Musk attempts to build bridges with those “commie as f**k” workers so that they are all on it when he pushes the plunger (tvtropes.org).

Elon Musk hints at layoffs in first meeting with Twitter employees (bbc.co.uk).

On a wide-ranging video call with Twitter employees on Thursday, Mr Musk said layoffs at Twitter would depend on the company’s financial situation.

Putting threateningly plainly that:

“The company does need to get healthy. Right now the costs exceed the revenue.”

Meanwhile, a group of employees at SpaceX have called him a “frequent source of distraction and embarrassment” in an internal letter, perhaps at his demand on the creation of a Hawkman rocket cycle (GoogleTube) and insistence on a daily bellow of “Gordon’s alive!” in unison, whilst a complaint has been filed by a cryptocurrency investor in New York alleging that he “used his pedestal as world’s richest man to operate and manipulate the Dogecoin Pyramid Scheme for profit, exposure and amusement”.

Updated 8th July 2022

And predictably:

Elon Musk notifies Twitter he is terminating deal (cnbc.com).

Billionaire Elon Musk wants to end his $44 billion deal to buy Twitter, according to a letter sent by a lawyer on his behalf to the company’s chief legal officer Friday.

With the letter saying that “Twitter has not complied with its contractual obligations”, being that Musk had not been provided with “relevant business information he requested”, presumably meaning they had not sent him any evidence that the majority of tweet traffic is not indeed from that troll factory in St. Petersburg and the myriad of somewhat unwashed sock puppets of a couple of dozen #woke and angry activists and a middle aged bigot who’s attempts to interact invariably involves promises to prominent females to “leave your arsehole looking like a chum bucket”.

“Twitter has failed or refused to provide this information,” [Musk’s attorney Mike] Ringler claimed. “Sometimes Twitter has ignored Mr. Musk’s requests, sometimes it has rejected them for reasons that appear to be unjustified, and sometimes it has claimed to comply while giving Mr. Musk incomplete or unusable information.”

Presumably while those “commie as f**k” workers that had reappropriated the dynamite from under those bridges he built to lure them onto have forwarded it and details of his itinerary gained to whatever is left of the Shining Path (Wikipedia).

Twitter’s shares dropped, prompting its chairman to vow to pursue legal action to enforce the agreement.

Under the terms of the agreement, Musk agreed to pay $1 billion if he backs out. But as Twitter’s board chairman indicated they would do, the company can seek to hold Musk to his original deal by suing him for walking away if they dispute that his reasoning should let him out of the contract.

Updated 9th July 2022

Twitter has strong case against Elon Musk, but could opt for renegotiation (business-standard.com).

Musk … said in a letter to Twitter on Friday that the company’s misrepresentation of the number of spam accounts might be a “material adverse effect (MAE)” that would allow him to walk away under the terms of the deal contract.

Hoping to save from having to pay that $1bn termination fee, but:

Delaware courts, where the dispute between the two sides is set to be litigated, have set a high bar for acquirers being allowed to abandon their deals. But target companies often choose the certainty of a renegotiated deal at a lower price or financial compensation rather than a messy court battle that can last for many months, three corporate law professors interviewed by Reuters said.

So if Musk has realised he was indeed about to buy a lemon, renegotiation may lower its price but it will still be a rather expensive de facto public town square lemon he will own.

Updated 20th July 2022

Elon Musk: “They said I couldn’t buy Twitter…“

Twitter gets fast-tracked Elon Musk trial over $44 billion deal (reuters.com).

Twitter Inc (TWTR.N) will get an October trial in its legal fight to hold Elon Musk to his $44 billion takeover, after a Delaware judge said on Tuesday the social media company deserved a quick resolution of the deal’s uncertainty.

Being a “blow to Musk” who had in response to “Twitter’s sudden request for warp speed” (independent.co.uk) indulged the platform’s raison d’être in rousing his audience by mocking with memes (theguardian.com), an act somewhat akin to blowing a rowdy raspberry in an echo chamber.

Updated 5th October 2022

In realisation that his social overindulgence is going to buy him a lemon no matter what:

Musk revives $44 billion Twitter Bid, aiming to avoid trial (bloomberg.com).

Musk made the proposal in a letter to Twitter on Monday, according to a filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission that confirmed a Bloomberg report. Shares of Twitter climbed 22% to $52 at the close in New York. San Francisco-based Twitter said it received the letter and intends to close the deal at the agreed-upon price, without commenting specifically on how it will respond to Musk.

Of more interest perhaps is how the platform’s non-bot community will respond to the disgruntled magnates disdain likely similar to Rupe Murdock’s when he acquired the MySpace lemon (latimes.com, May 2013). How long will those dozen angry activists still be #woke in a de facto public town square that becomes his personalised Spongebob vendetta meme machine?

Updated 21st October 2022

Elon Musk plans to cut 75% of Twitter staff if he takes over company—report (theguardian.com).

Elon Musk told prospective investors that he plans to eliminate nearly 75% of Twitter’s staff as part of his deal to take over the social media company, the Washington Post reported on Thursday.

Perhaps still an attempt to maintain his to-be-purchased lemon as a public benefit yet profit-making enterprise, or maybe a demonstration of that disdain, his attempt to get all those “commie as f**k” Twits on to a bridge which he could blow having been scuppered, with the reappropriated Acme dynamite reappropriated again en-route to whatever is left of the Shining Path and now sat on for domestic use by a somewhat smug yet alt-compensating faecal bearded Floridian Proud Boy.

Meanwhile, those “rudderless” Twits have been quitting in droves, likely soon leading to the start-up of a Collectivist Chirrup platform as a rival, but it seems a surreptitious purge had already been planned:

Human resources staff at the social media company have told employees that they were not planning for mass layoffs, but documents showed extensive plans to push out staff and cut down infrastructure costs were already in place before Musk offered to buy the company, the Washington Post reported.

Updated 27th October 2022

Elon Musk makes splashy visit to Twitter headquarters carrying sink (theguardian.com).

Perhaps as an idiomatic reference from the new “Chief Twit” pertaining to the importance of his platform and its dramas in the lives of every Jane Doe and Joe Blow not tweeting from a cubicle in a St. Petersburg troll factory, #woke sock puppetry on activist or middle aged bigot short-arm hoping for virtual inspection (urbandictionary.com).

Elon Musk paid a visit to Twitter’s headquarters ahead of an end-of-week deadline to close his deal to buy the company, posting a video of himself in the company’s San Francisco lobby carrying a sink.

Or perhaps he is just going to piss in it, virtually or otherwise.

28th October 2022

Elon Musk completes $44bn Twitter takeover—and immediately sacks top executives (news.sky.com).

Channelling echoes of the equally mercurial Steve Jobs (venturebeat.com, Aug. 2011).

His first move was to fire the social media company’s top leadership, which he accused of misleading him over the number of spam accounts on the platform.

Giving the tin tack to chief executive Parag Agrawal, chief financial officer Ned Segal and legal affairs and policy chief Vijaya Gadde, and seemingly having them escorted out of the building.

Musk later tweeted “the bird is freed” in a nod to the deal being completed.

But trouble, perhaps as a parting gift from those “commie as f**k” now looking to wave permanent revolutionary virtual hammer and sickle at Google and Meta (nypost.com), has already brewed with the Twitter account of Ye, the artist formally as Kanye West who’s account was suspended earlier in the month was seemingly out of his suspension cage too:

Elon Musk says Twitter restored Ye’s account without his knowledge before acquisition (npr.org).

“They did not consult with or inform me,” Musk says.

Indeed, and I’d look for what may have been left sewn into the curtains (snopes.com, Jan. 2000), and leaving him needing to assure that despite his desire to protect free speech he would not have the platform become a “free-for-all hellscape where anything can be said with no consequences” and on his first day suggest formation of a “content moderation council with widely diverse viewpoints”.

Updated 31st October 2022

Twitter is planning to start charging $20 per month for verification / And if the employees building it don’t meet their deadline, they’ll be fired by Elon Musk. (theverge.com).

At least letting those with silent killer blood pressure at SpaceX and Tesla know the new Chief Twit is being consistent with the work-life imbalance (Wikipedia).

The directive is to change Twitter Blue, the company’s optional, $4.99 a month subscription that unlocks additional features, into a more expensive subscription that also verifies users, according to people familiar with the matter and internal correspondence seen by The Verge.

With display of mushroom shaped “speak-my-mind” crown subscription avatar with subscription doubtless accompanied with flashing neo-GIFs resembling “top tipper” notifications in “adult” webcam chat rooms.

Updated 2nd November 2022

Did someone say 20 bucks?

Elon Musk says $8 monthly fee for Twitter blue tick (bbc.co.uk).

The charge for blue tick privileges drew scepticism after original reports that said the charge could be $20 (£18) monthly.

With the Chief Twit keen to not dwell on the a seemingly arbitrary figure and instead paint it as a virtual blue antifeudalism:

“Power to the people! Blue for $8/month,” the billionaire said on Twitter, criticising the old method of blue tick verification as a “lords and peasants system”.

Formally, verifying users for a blue tick included a short online application form and was reserved for those with a certain degree of fame clout, be they celebrities or those in the public eye, but now just 8 bucks promises to make anyone as much an eyesore.

Nu Wexler, former Twitter Head of Global Policy Communications, warned that introducing a fee for blue ticks could make it harder to spot disinformation.

With 8 bucks verified “experts” no doubt promising to cure cancer with an LED lamp, assorted verified fruit ’n’ nuts claiming bunyons contain Deep state bugs and leading to a race to somebody else’s bottom as new budget kings of Instagram Twitter seek to outdo each other with posts of gold plated bling and twerking of much big cement booty (allure.com, Mar. 2017).

Updated 4th November 2022

Elon Musk announces Twitter mass layoffs to begin Friday (theguardian.com).

“In an effort to place Twitter on a healthy path, we will go through the difficult process of reducing our global workforce on Friday,” said the email. The New York Times and Washington Post both reported on the layoffs and cited the internal email.

In a very Squid Game-ish fashion it seems:

All employees will receive an email on Friday, the notice said. Those who will keep their jobs will get an email to their work account, those being laid off will receive a notification to their personal email. Employees were reminded not to disclose “confidential company information” on social media or with press.

Noting that offices will be temporarily closed and all badge access suspended in order “to help ensure the safety of each employee as well as Twitter systems and customer data” presumably to stop any disgruntled now former employee from reversing the latest fake follower purge and unsuspending Orange Don at what is suggested is an inauspicious time:

Experts in misinformation and civil rights advocates have warned that cutting Twitter staff just days before midterm elections in the US could have grave consequences, as the platform has already struggled with content moderation and will now have fewer resources.

And, by the end of the day…

Elon Musk—live: Billionaire says he had had “no choice” over firings as Twitter losing $4m per day (independent.co.uk).

Twitter’s new boss Elon Musk has laid off over 3,700 people globally, days after closing the deal to buy the social media giant for $44 billion.

With Musk attempting to justify his action with a class-action lawsuit having already been filed (bloomberg.com):

“Regarding Twitter’s reduction in force, unfortunately there is no choice when the company is losing over $4M/day. Everyone exited was offered 3 months of severance, which is 50% more than legally required,” he tweeted.

And, after floods of hate speech immediately after the “free speech absolutist” assumed role of Chief Twit, that $4M/day loss is likely just the start of an ever slipperier slope with those that in truth do fund the “free” internet turning their backs:

Twitter slashes nearly half its workforce as Musk admits “massive drop” in revenue (theguardian.com).

Audi, General Motors, General Mills and Pfizer were among those who halted advertisements, amid concerns Musk will scale back misinformation and security protections on the platform. Advertising accounts for 90% of Twitter’s revenues.

With Musk claiming there hadn’t been any changes to content moderation, despite seemingly the firing of Twitter’s entire human rights team as part of sweep (gizmodo.com) and, playing the Trump fake news card, blamed the turning of advertiser backs on “activist groups pressuring advertisers” and patriotically claiming “they’re trying to destroy free speech in America”.

Updated 5th November 2022

Twitter launches $8 blue tick subscription service (theguardian.com).

Available in the UK, as well as the US, Canada, Australia and New Zealand, the update said the service will provide: “Power to the people: your account will get a blue checkmark, just like the celebrities, companies, and politicians you already follow.”

With other features promised to be “coming soon” seeming attempting to ride with the punches, including “half the number of adverts”, presumably with those that are shown likely endlessly looping between the two or three still remaining, “ability to post longer videos” regards the miraculous cancer curing ability affiliate marketed LED lamp and “priority ranking” of pick-up artist with Tell a Wench a Whooper courses and books to promote.

Having already dropped the arbitrary pricing after a haggle with Stephen king—with the author giving the long overdue retort to Web 2.0 monetisation suggesting that they should pay him (forbes.com) and that he’s gone if it is implemented—other blue ticks including William Shatner, Mia Farrow and Jameela Jamil have also threaten to boycott (dailymail.co.uk).

Seemingly hearing that his ear-whispering faith has led to a careering slippery slope decent and aware that “many are angry with me”, Jack “tone-deaf” Dorsey gave much “I” trying to do the decent thing and own the responsibility (theguardian.com):

He said: “I own the responsibility for why everyone is in this situation: I grew the company size too quickly. I apologize for that.”

Adding that “I am grateful for, and love, everyone who has ever worked on Twitter” but that “I don’t expect that to be mutual in this moment” or indeed if ever, with some heart emoji to remind all of the sensitivity that lives alongside the faecal matter in his beard. However, the response was to be mixed with indeed no sign of any virtual mutual masturbation at the moment leaving him having to juggle the Bitcoin in his virtual pocket himself:

“Oof. Too little. Too late,” wrote one user … another user wrote: “Dude, you suck.”

Updated 12th November 2022

With Musk seemingly still ascribing to Rupe Murdock’s ways to handle the new pesky virtual mediums (Latest Picks 31st Oct. 2015) by considering committing social media hari-kari by putting Twitter behind a paywall (platformer.news) but also considering how to at least recoup some of his lemon’s losses by possible company bankruptcy (theguardian.com), Social Musk’s “power to the people” could only have one outcome:

Twitter pauses new blue tick verification system after being flooded with imposters (news.sky.com).

Twitter has suspended its newly relaunched blue tick verification system after the social media platform was flooded by a wave of imposter accounts.

Having delayed the roll out of blue tick subscriptions until after midterms voting (dailymail.co.uk) but with now even the Lamb of God, Jesus Christ having been finally given him his virtual moment:

“I’ve applied for verification before and been rejected, but when Elon Musk changed the verification rules and you could subscribe to Twitter Blue and buy a verified check, I knew it was finally my time. It was immediate. I bought the Twitter Blue subscription, and when I finished confirming Apple Pay and reopened Twitter, I was verified.”

And, and supposed announcement for Stateside diabetics giving as much hallelujah but making pharmaceutical stocks dive (independent.co.uk):

Another fake account claimed insulin was free, forcing US pharmaceutical giant Eli Lilly & Co to offer an apology.

With the announced banning of unlabelled parody accounts announced earlier in the week with Musk himself the prime target (theguardian.com) demonstrating those fired moderators did indeed have a non-parody role, as did others who had also been eliminated in the employee Squid Game first round, some of who are now being asked cap in hand to please come back (bloomberg.com).

And a pint-sized virtual pachyderm alternative has found itself in the spotlight:

Mastodon: Everything you need to know about the Twitter alternative everyone’s talking about (news.sky.com).

The one that has most attention is Mastodon, which isn’t actually new, but has shot up the charts on iOS and Android as an influx of users try to decide if toots are a worthy replacement for tweets.

Being a decentralised network of “independent communities that can all interact with one another” who “toot” rather than “tweet”, with it however noted by some that “toot” is a as well as being descriptive of a pachyderm’s trumpeting is a well known euphemism for breaking wind (wikidiff.com).

Several big name Twitterati has already made the jump with much virtue signalling tooting, including The Sandman author Neil Gaiman and actor, comedian and prolific tweeter Stephen Fry (itv.com). However, a quick check of Gaiman’s tweets regarding highlights a likely issue, with an invitation to join a chosen server being required (Twitter), which may see as a redlight for social exclusion.

Updated 21st November 2022

Having given the tin tack to 80% of staff (lbc.co.uk) including an engineer who called bullshit on his app tech explanations in the de facto public square (independent.co.uk), having laid down the legendary Musk micromanagement meme pillows under his desk (businessinsider.com) and delivering another happy hump day work-every-hour-like-me or leave-the job-and-premises-like-I-now-won’t ultimatum (theverge.com) there was a distinct feeling any power-up boon buff the the “space Karen” (uk.news.yahoo.com) character the tech magnet might be playing in the simulation (Blog 3rd Jun. 2016) may instead be a surreptitiously nerfed replusant bane:

Hundreds of employees say no to being part of Elon Musk’s “extremely hardcore” Twitter (theverge.com).

Musk … set a deadline of 5PM ET on Thursday for all employees to respond “yes” on a Google form if they want to stay for what he is calling “Twitter 2.0;” otherwise, today would be their final day of work and they would receive a severance package. After the deadline hit, hundreds of employees quickly started posting farewell messages and salute emojis in Twitter’s Slack, announcing that they had said no to Musk’s ultimatum.

Including several member’s of the platform’s “Command Center” engineer team who had been on call 24/7 for problems internally, with one tweeting:

“If they go down, there is no one to call when shit breaks”.

With a more inopportune time unlikely imaginable:

Chances of Twitter being knocked offline have “dramatically increased” (standard.co.uk).

[An industry expert] Matt Navarra said it was unlikely the site would go down in the next few days. But he warned it was under increased strain as key engineers who are charged with maintaining the site leave just as a major event for Twitter—the World Cup—begins this weekend.

With any “imminent blackout” made unlikely with Musk locking the code in a virtual Bellagio vault (GoogleTube) and with offices temporarily closed over “sabotage” fears (news.sky.com):

“There’s a code freeze in place and Twitter is kind of running on autopilot at the moment with its IT systems, and that a strategic move by Elon Musk to protect the stability of the platform while he figures out the next move,” Mr Navarra said.

Assuming of course that an Amazing Virtual Yen (GoogleTube) has not already been introduced by some disgruntled engineer who did not need a “Yes” button to see where they were about to be redirected.

And while he gathered any code writers he still had left to man the defences, to demonstrate offensive capability he unveiled another “Yes” button giving alt-right boogaloo base option to reinstate the platform’s bulbous orange bacon torpedo:

Elon Musk summons Twitter engineers amid mass resignations and puts up poll on Trump ban (theguardian.com).

Musk started a Twitter poll late on Friday asking followers to vote on whether to reinstate former US president Donald Trump’s account on the platform. Early results showed roughly 60% voting yes.

But with a “slim” 52–48 margin (theverge.com) making it seem an eerie Trump bankrolling (theguardian.com, Feb. 2017) Brexit chipolata (bbc.co.uk, Jun. 2016) suitable for small hands that was then deployed, with the Orange Don seemingly somewhat nonplussed, cagey and reluctant, perhaps with the exclusive deal he had to make with Truth Social requiring him to not post his “Truths” anywhere else for six hours trapping him in his own prison (nymag.com) like an orange General Zod in an echo chamber Phantom Zone (GoogleTube).

Updated 22nd November 2022

While postponing the Twitter Blue relaunch (ft.com) until there is a “high confidence of stopping impersonation” or at least until the random appearance of a goatse (knowyourmeme.com) intent on spreading more than just the word of disgruntled engineer from within the code vault can be thwarted, the “Vox Populi, Vox Dei” mounted orange chipolata demonstrative of the under fire platforms offensive capability draws castigation from “one of Twitter’s most important charity parters”:

Twitter charity partners condemn Musk’s “dangerous” changes (bbc.co.uk).

Anti-Defamation League (ADL) says Elon Musk’s surprise move to reinstate former President Donald Trump’s account is “dangerous and inconsistent”.

The ADL (Wikipedia) also suggesting that the lifting of the ban on Ye—the artist formally known as Kayne West— after a self described spell of abstinence from “alcohol, ‘adultfilm” and sex” (news.sky.com) has “raised concerns”, which should be the case for anyone as troubled as the rapper/producer/fashion designer/bard/Time Lord obviously is who through the combative contrariness nature and instra-reach of social media is able to act as a perpetual public eye sore in or out of leather jogging pants.

Updated 1st December 2022

While the platform continues to become the dictatorial (news.sky.com) self-centered Social Musk (bbc.co.uk) it is destined to become prior to its imminent collapse:

Elon Musk accuses Apple of threatening to remove Twitter from App Store (theguardian.com).

Musk revealed the potential App Store ban in a series of tweets on Monday. He tweeted: “Apple has also threatened to withhold Twitter from its App Store, but won’t tell us why.”

That “us” presumably aiming to collectively describe those those left standing and directing their vitriolic free speech and misinformation at each and every in the de facto public town square rather than the equivalent of royal “we” (Wikipedia) it likely actually is, but then again “we” seemingly have some idea what the issue is for those at Apple Park, having earlier moaned at Apple‘s CEO Tim Cook from his plinth in the virtual town square that Apple had stopped advertising on Twitter.

Musk appeared to confirm that Twitter content moderation was an issue for Apple. Asked by a journalist user if Apple was “threatening Twitters presence in the App Store or otherwise making moderation demands”, Musk replied “yes”.

With Apple’s App Store chief Phil Schiller deleted his Twitter account earlier in the month suggesting either the relationship had become becoming strained or that he’s in cahoots with those “commie as f**k”’s the Chief Twit gave the tin tack to.

But the issue was seemingly resolved after a meeting with the big apple in the park:

Elon Musk “resolves” Apple row over “removal of Twitter from iPhone store” (theguardian.com).

The new Twitter owner tweeted on Wednesday that he had had a “good conversation” with Apple CEO Tim Cook and that Apple had “never considered” removing the social media platform from its app store.

With that “we” becoming a “me” when thanking him for “taking me around” Apple’s HQ in a short clip posted before defining it a “misunderstanding”.

Updated 2nd December 2022

After appearing with a black mask over his bonce and praising Hitler in a livestreamed interview with Infowars conspiracy monger Alex Jones and Holocaust denier Nick Fuentes (nbcnews.com) and then daring the Chief Twit to ban him after stating he would let both who are banned tweet from his account (independent.co.uk):

Elon Musk suspends Kanye West Ye from Twitter for inciting violence (bbc.co.uk).

West had “violated our rule against incitement to violence”, Musk tweeted.

“Account will be suspended,” Musk wrote in a Twitter post.

The taunt perhaps hitting home after Musk had already blocked Sandy Hook denier Jones’ return (bbc.co.uk), and, along with posting posting a Nazi symbol inside the Star of David, Ye also posted an unflattering topless snap of Musk on a yacht (indy100.com, Jul. 2022), seemingly leading to a brief spat on Orange Don’s Truth Social prison (independent.co.uk), leaving Musk having to proclaim in his virtual public square that he had “tried my best”.

Updated 12th December 2022

The de facto public town square having survived the World Cup without vanishing in a maintenance dust storm, after trying to turn his lemon into a right-wing Wikileaks (theverge.com) and finding himself no longer the world’s richest man (edition.cnn.com), the imposter plagued subscription blue tick is back:

Twitter relaunches blue tick service with higher price for iPhone users (theguardian.com).

Twitter is relaunching its subscription service on Monday, offering users verified status for $8 (£6.50) a month or $11 a month on their iPhone.

His lake-side chat with big apple dismissing a “misunderstanding” which saw “fully resumed” advertising (engadget.com) seemingly not fully addressing his criticism of its app store’s monetisation model:

Twitter did not explain why Apple users were being charged more than others on the web but Musk has been openly critical of the fees charged in its app store, which takes a cut of up to 30% on sales.

Updated 22nd December 2022

After dissolving the Trust and Safety Council (rollingstone.com) comprised of independent civil rights leaders and advocates helping to improve safety on the platform, a backlash and then reverse ferret for banning journos for either “putting his family at risk” or simply reporting and ban for users linking to other rival platforms (news.sky.com), the mercurial Chief Twit posted a poll in which he asked users if he should step down, and was then seemingly surprised when the irascible habitués voted that he should indeed (theguardian.com).

Convinced that the poll must have been rigged by bots, triggered Libs and those “commie as f**k” former employees he had hoped to blow up on the bridge he had extended, he was then persuaded by a by a Blue Tick subscriber’s tweet that in future polls should be restricted to only those “with skin in the game” paying for the privilege (bbc.co.uk), before finally, several days later announcing that he will quit when when he finds someone “foolish enough to take the job” (bbc.co.uk).

Eleana Musk meme

And his “quit” has the caveat that he will “just run the software & servers teams”, an area that has caused much exasperation with the developers he has left and those given the tin tack over his demand for a “total rewrite of the whole thing” (dailymail.co.uk). But some have doubts he can step away from being the named Chief Twit:

Eleana Musk? Twitter users make new CEO memes after Elon Musk poll (thefocus.news).

Presumably based on the assumption that Musk won’t part with his $44 billion purchase just because of a one-off poll, the Eleana Musk meme jokes the world’s richest man will simply hire himself in disguise[.]

Or perhaps it will simply be difficult to find anyone indeed “foolish enough” to have as much virtual foreskin labia caught in the risk-catching-your-willylips-in-your-fly game being played out very publicly in the de facto public town square.

Updated 12th May 2023

With Musk having paid for Stephen King, William Shatner and LeBron James’s blue ticks (theguardian.com, Apr. 2023) to keep them quiet after a cull which stripped verified status from famous names that had not signed up to pay for the privilege and the whole furore having finally ebbed leaving only the decaying lemon which really is the status of social media in general as it is replaced by a influencer-and-celebrity broadcasting model (vice.com, Nov. 2022):

Current CEO Musk’s pet dog Floki and new CEO Linda Yaccarino.
Current CEO Floki (left) , new CEO Linda Yaccarino (right)

Elon Musk confirms new Twitter boss will take over from his dog as company CEO (dailystar.co.uk).

The current CEO is technically Musk’s pet dog, a Shiba Inu named Floki, who he previously said was an “amazing” CEO.

With the Star’s “technically” relating to a facetious tweet Musk made mid-February, which was of course as indistinguishable from anything anyone was supposed to be take seriously.

Now Musk has confirmed that Ms Yaccarino will be the new CEO of Twitter and will be working alongside him to transform it into “X, the everything app”.

Linda Yaccarino being former head of advertising at NBCUniversal (bbc.co.uk) who has who has spoken at keynote presentations alongside Musk in the past, and “X, the everything app“ likely remaining the home of everything the former Chief Twit whimsically wishes to tweet and run polls on.

Tags: poll.

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Illustrations, paintings, and cartoons featuring caricatured celebrities are intended purely as parody and fantasised depictions often relating to a particular news story, and often parodying said story and the media and pop cultural representation of said celebrity as much as anything else. Who am I really satirising? Read more.

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