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UK porn age verification. A white elephant’s arse?

Poll: UK Porn Age Verification

Porn sites will be legally required to verify users’ age (bbc.co.uk, Feb. 2022)

The legislation, which is part of the draft Online Safety Bill, aims to give children better protection from explicit material.

The measures, to ensure users are 18 or over, could see people asked to prove they own a credit card or confirm their age via a third-party service.

Previously, only commercial porn sites that allowed user-generated content were in the scope of the Online Safety Bill, but all commercial porn sites will now be covered.

Matt Hancock: “And I’m not laying out any biscuits for them this time.”
Matt Hancock being firm with social media companies

Banning porn sites in the UK was first trumpeted as some might say a post election immigration issues distraction by Uncle Camertom in 2015 (Blog 31st Jul. 2015) and was given further emphasis under the Digital Economy Act in 2017, while Secretary of State for Health and Social Care, Matt Hancock was charged with bringing social media companies to heel over online harms (Blog, 28th Jan. 2019) prior to being forced to resign after breaking COVID distancing rules groping his mistresses’ ass on CCTV. But attempts to get the age verification legislation in place was delayed three times with officials admitting they “can’t enforce it” (Blog, updated 30th May 2019).

Consumption of porn surged with “home working” during the Covid pandemic (latest Picks updated 16th Mar. 2020), and now tagged onto the originally “user generated content” targeted Online Harms Bill which superseded it, presumably something could be thought to have changed culturally or technologically enough for it not to be seen as a continuation of the flogging of a governmental white elephant’s arse, lest it bring to mind the much misappropriated idiom (quoteinvestigator.com) regards insanity being doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

So…

Forth time lucky? Will parliament finally get it’s ever recurrent, ever delayed age verification on porn sites in the UK legislation through this time?

Yes, and someone in BoJo’s cronyist cabinet is later discovered to have a neighbour with some relation to age verification card purveyor finally awarded contract.
No, too many parliamentary porn searches (Latest Picks 28th Jul. 2015) looking for an upshot of said white elephant’s arse conflict with the “extreme porn” ban which has also been tagged on to the the Online Safety Bill (politicshome.com, Feb. 2022) too despite the CPS “relaxing” the somewhat arbitrarily introduced definition in Section 63 of the Criminal Justice and Immigration Act 2008 much misused by Inspector Knacker (Latest Picks 1st Feb. 2019), and during a trial a dozen MPs credit card details are stolen when verifying at legit-looking nodealprolapse.com.
Yes, but having been released from the grandfather clock in which he lives, Jacob Rees-Mogg, the “honourable member for the 18th century” and newly made minister for Brexit opportunities will be put in charge of it when it becomes impossible to ignore that looking for those “opportunities” is akin to and about as meaningful as finding salutable Saint George’s Cross pareidolia in toasted Chorleywood bread, with as well as age verification erroneous “modern” grammar and #woke terminology becoming punishable too (Blog 18th Sept. 2019).
No, a somewhat quizzical random young person roped in to be questioned by committee laughed hysterically when asked where they “buy“ their porn online as both rude reminder of the issue the Digital Economy has faced since its inception and that said committee has never been quite sure whether it is getting to digital grips with arse or elbow.

Updated 10th March 2022

And with France’s President “Choupinet“ Macron ahead of impending election desperate to be seen sorting something, anything efficaciously at time of global crisis in the Ukraine, getting in with a porn ban first is perhaps the best he can do, getting one up something in eternal stakes of Anglo-French rivalry, with the state regulator seeking a court order because of the various “porn hubs” failing to respond to a final, doubtless bureaucratically laden warning to prevent access by les jeunes:

Pornhub and other X-rated sites face French court ban to protect children (thetimes.co.uk).

If the judges issue the order, internet service providers must prevent access to the sites and search engines must ban them from listings.

Which seemingly just tries to drag ISP’s and Google et al. into a verification quagmire too that will still not stop those espiègles who may use any sort of workaday VPN or proxy obfuscation to hide their location (Latest Picks 19th May 2017), suggesting any porn censorious French “great firewall” will resemble one being made of Brie.

Updated 17th March 2022

And with Blighty introducing its “long-awaited” Online Safety Bill today:

Online Safety Bill: Updated proposals will make UK safest place to go online, government says (news.sky.com).

Culture Secretary Nadine Dorries said tech firms had previously not been held to account when harm, abuse and criminal behaviour had “run riot” on their sites.

With chair of the committee, Tory MP Damian Collins, excitedly ejaculating that “the era of self-regulation for Big Tech has finally come to an end”. But rather than need to enter credit card details before proceeding to content on legit-looking porno site with “Your Pants Pulled Down and be Taken Up The Arse” heading, the emphasis is still more on getting search engines and riotous social media to block “harms”, presumably not exemplified stateside by Ye’s Insta-suspension after the “Easy” kidnapping, burying and decapitating of Pete Davidson, the unilateral winner-takes-Ukraine PvP single combat challenge offered by Elon Musk to Putin or whether a missing diamond emoji on Brit-Brit’s latest, now very free, bent-over and bare beach pics has resulting in her Insta-darkness (theblast.com).

Updated 28th April 2022

Chief whip orders investigation into allegation Tory MP watched pornography on phone in Commons (news.sky.com).

With, as suggested in this polls multiple choice, searching for content for a one handed workout being a common endurance in the chambers and there surrounds.

The Conservative Party‘s chief whip has ordered an investigation into allegations a Tory MP watched pornography on his phone in the Commons chamber.

Seemingly during a meeting of the 2022, the female grouping of the 1922 committee of Tory backbench MPs. The male Tory MP remains nameless at the moment, but all seemingly suggesting he should own up before he is outed and fall on his meat sword, with Downing Street echoing sentiment that a misogynistic culture in parliament was “not good enough” with “shocking incidents” still being reported in the wake of the Daily Fail’s “perverted smear” regards Labour deputy leader Angela Rayner distracting PM by Basic Instinct-ly uncrossing legs (metro.co.uk).

So who, and what were his particular pornohub searches? If he is not kicked “out of parliament, out of the party” (news.sky.com), doubtless assurance will be made that if verification legislation is passed his own go-large porno pass will not be coming out of taxpayers pockets as part of his expenses.

Updated 29th April 2022

And he is named!

Neil Parish: MP under investigation for watching porn in Commons says he opened file by mistake and will quit if found guilty (news.sky.com).

Having his whip removed (meaning suspension from their parliamentary party) and after having given an interview on jingoistly unwoke GB News about the matter (gbnews.uk) before he had decided to own up and fall on his meat sword for sake of party, if found guilty.

Mr Parish, who was suspended by the party on Friday, said he would “fully comply” with the investigation as he apologised and revealed he only told his wife this afternoon.

Saying he had opened the file “by error”, and his wife when questioned in agreement that the ladies in the Commons were right to be upset, but that“he’s quite a normal guy, really“ and so presumably not trying to fit that now lost whip in any orifices at home.

Updated

But the “veteran politician” deciding not to wait to “fully comply”.

Neil Parish: MP resigns as he admits watching porn in the Commons (news.sky.com).

With the MP and 65-year-old farmer’s “error” initially occurring accidentally after “looking at tractors online” but with the sight of some chassis seemingly piquing the interest of his front-end loader leading to a second peek.

Neil Parish said he watched adult material twice in parliament, claiming the first time was accidental after looking at tractors online but that the second was “a moment of madness”.

Updated 1st May 2022

And a search term double entendre has been put forward which may have led to his initial “error”.

Disgraced MP was looking for “Dominator” (radioexe.co.uk).

Colin Slade, a Conservative councillor on Mid Devon District Council (and a Radio Exe presenter) has told the Telegraph newspaper that Mr Parish could have been searching for Dominators.

A Claas Dominator combine harvester to be precise, a version of which has been spotted in the Parish family barn.

However, Mr Slade says that the search term hasn’t been confirmed by the former MP.

But with a combine able to be defined as a specific type of tractor, presumably he can now clamber on to that suggested rolling “play on words” if he so wishes.

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