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19th December 2016

Meet the cyborg who wants to turn his penis into a VIBRATOR: Biohacker, 38, says a wireless implant will boost his sex life (

Rich Lee and the Lovetron9000

A “biohacker” or “grinder” (not to be confused with certain “male interest” dating sites) meaning bringing the “hacker culture” and the “hacker ethic” to body modification with implanted electo bits rather than said culture and ethic spoiling peoples Christmas hacking game servers to play billions of pounds worth of games bought, said biohacking chap having had a pair of pseudo “earphones” inserted a couple of years back ( And that’s quite a mouthful for a headline leading somewhat misleadingly astray I fear appealing to that cyborg with a rocket robot cock expectation.

“A biohacker famous for implanting headphones in his ears is embarking on a new body modification journey: turning his penis into a vibrator. Rich Lee, a salesman from Utah and father of two, has built a device known as the Lovetron9000 which can be implanted under a man’s pubic bone, making the penis vibrate. In his push to merge man and machine, he claims the ultimate goal is to use technology to create an entirely new set of senses.”

Indeed, and alert the whole queue when putting your change away. An “entirely new set of senses” or with a vibrating curio merely more of?

“He added: ‘Many women have contacted me asking when it will be done and have had similar sentiments too. I thought lots of men would be interested in it, but it turns out many feel threatened by it.’”

Indeed, the phrase “my dinkle vibrates, really” could cause some to feel “threatened” I can imagine. But for those not, how does it work?

“Describing the device, Mr Lee said: ‘Basically, [it] works a lot like those novelty vibrating c**k rings, only implanted. It just vibrates under the skin at the base of the penis.’ For the very first prototype, he used electrical tape and pieces of a pen for the internal housing. The device could have ridges or studs that will offer some grinding textures and it will use wireless inductive charging, so there‘s no need to change the batteries.”

For sure, where do you attach the charging cable? If wireless though does that mean it will join the very hackable at present Internet of Things? (28th Aug. 2016). And there’s another potential disadvantage which could lead to something reminscent of Led Zep’s “Lemon song, ’till the juice runs down my leg” lyrics:

“He hopes he’ll be able to finish the Lovetron soon and says he might be able to with an engineer partner. Mr Lee said the is a chance that the device might feel so good, it shortens the session time—potentially leading to premature ejaculation. But he added: ‘Many people who use the novelty rings think it makes them last longer because the vibration kind of makes them less sensitive in the area.’”

But on highest vibrate setting could lead to said lemon juice decorating every wall too which, is seemingly as untested too as yet:

“But Mr Lee hasn’t implanted it as yet because he has had some technical difficulties. He said: —Moments before I was ready to implant the device I ran some final tests and the thing had a glitch.’”

A “glitch” being certainly what you do not wish to hear occurring when implanting stuff into your body, especially there.

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Illustrations, paintings, and cartoons featuring caricatured celebrities are intended purely as parody and fantasised depictions often relating to a particular news story, and often parodying said story and the media and pop cultural representation of said celebrity as much as anything else. Who am I really satirising? Read more.

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