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Pick of the week

Pick of the Week

31st January 2015

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Here’s my grab-bag pick of the best illustration inspiring celebrity gossip, scandals, arts, entertainment, & just plain quirky stories & picture sexiness. A round-up for busy pervs. There’s pictures—reading optional.

Disclaimer: Any comments I make are purely satirical, totally without foundation, and a “secret project” collaboration with that tongue rather that that champaigne glass would have #BrokeTheInternet a helluva a lot more!

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Pick of the best stories & pics from the last couple of weeks

Miley Cyrus got her baps out and wet in Hawaii (celebrityoopsdigest

Miley Cyrus, topless candids in Hawaii

Recent/related stories:

Miley Cyrus nudie Bangerz tour polaroids for V (Pick of the Week, 14th January)
Miley Cyrus gave Moschino party pokeage (Pick of the Week, 19th December 2014)
Miley Cyrus gave amfAR Inspiration Gala strapped boobage (Pick of the Week, 31st October 2014)

For sure that’s what friends are for!

Selena Gomez, Cara Delevingne at 2015 Golden Globes after party

See also:

Recent/related stories:

Cara Delevingne, British Fashion Awards Model of the Year (Pick of the Week, 19th December 2014)

Recent/related stories:

Ariana Grande faced angel wing for Victoria Secret show 2014 (Pick of the Week, 19th December 2014)

Recent/related stories:

Demi Lovato gave Fun Fearless sideboob! (Latina Pick of the Week, 5th June 2014)

Recent/related stories:

Bai Ling slipped a Movie meets Media tittie (Pick of the Week, 19th December 2014)
Bai Ling gave The Crow 20th Anniversary underboob (Pick of the Week, 26th November 2014)

And gave mega cleavage, thigh, and bumper booty with Blac Chyna in Miami (celebrityoopsdigest…

Amber Rose and Blac Chyna poolside in Miami

Recent/related stories:

Jessie J, The Graham Norton Show
“I … had ‘Don’t lose who you are in the blur of the star!’ tattooed on my side, she explained, saying it was a line from her track Who You Are, ‘Not long after I had it done my mum said to me in tears, ‘I don’t know how to tell you this but it is spelt wrong.’ I have ‘Don’t loose who you are in the blur of the stars!’ It’s really big, which is awful … it’s the reason I always wear high waisted stuff. I’m not going to put a spelling mistake that close to a camera.”

What other secrets, tattoo or otherwise, may she may have hidden away?

Recent/related stories:

Jessie J, Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande Bang Banged the AMAs (Pick of the Week, 26th November 2014)

Recent/related stories:

Charli XCX KIIS FM Jingle Ball performance pokeage (The Celebrity Tongue Digest, 18th December 2014)
Charli XCX, MTV Europe Music Awards pokeage (The Celebrity Tongue Digest, 15th November 2014)
“She was required to perform 240 hours of community service, but on November 6, 2014—when she was required to show proof of completion—her lawyer, Shawn Holley, told hizzoner LiLo had [so far only] completed nearly HALF the hours.”

You may be thinking said “mosquito virus” a further attempt to dodge pokie, but she was admitted to hospital and diagnosed with Chikungunya, a virus transmitted by mosquito bites that causes fever, joint pain and fatigue seemigly caught when a moz bit her bum on Bora Bora over Christmas.

But A dubious snap LiLo posted on Instagram supposedly showing her extreme weight loss could make many wonder if there was a happy, smiling NHS consultant tucking himself away after writing out that diagnosis. For sure, that was either Photoshopped or those bottles on the side of the bath are being magnetically pulled towards her ginger minge.

Lindsay Lohan, Instagram

Recent/related stories:

LiLo dangled more freckled ginger jugg on Instagram (Pick of the Week, 2nd August 2014)
LiLo puckered up in Italy enjoying some bikini-clad R&R (Pick of the Week, 23rd July 2014)

Comedienne Chelsea Handler got topless, mounted camel! (celebrityoopsdigest

Chelsea Handler, Instagram

Recent/related stories:

Chelsea Handler gave a cold tittie tweet (Pick of the Week, 14th January)
Chelsea Handler gave ass for Instagram ass (Pick of the Week, 19th December 2014)
Chelsea Handler gave a stereophonic tittie tweet (Pick of the Week, 26th November 2014)

Recent/related stories:

For sure, just what every girl dreams of, but will have to wait until Valentine’s Day to catch.

Recent/related stories:

Dakota Johnson was topless in Pantelleria (Pick of the Week, 26th November 2014)
Beyoncé teased with first Fifty Shades of Grey trailer (Pick of the Week 23rd July 2014)
Do women really like to be dominated? (Pick of the Week, 30th July 2013)

Adrianne Curry tweeted an art-inspired belfie (celebrityoopsdigest

Adrianne Curry, Twitter

Recent/related stories:

Adrianne Curry got the Halloween horn for Kendel Karson (Pick of the Week, 31st October 2014)
Adrianne Curry gave cosplay pussy at Comic-Con (Pick of the Week, 2nd August 2014)

Recent/related stories:

Tongue teasers

See also:

Recent/related stories:

Jessica Simpson poked fabulously long Polka Dot tongue (celebritytonguedigest

Jessica Simpson, Instagram

Recent/related stories:

Jessica Simpson gave big fragrant boobage (Pick of the Week, 22nd August 2014)
Jessica Simpson gave one over the eight mommy boobage (Pick of the Week, 13th June 2014)

Recent/related stories:

Sarah Hyland & Vanessa Hudgens gave photobooth birthday tongue (Pick of the Week, 19th December 2014)
Stella Hudgens gave Disneyland teacups (Pick of the Week, 19th December 2014)
Stella & Vanessa Hudgens gave sistersister tongue (Pick of the Week, 26th November 2014)

.:: Top column 2 ::.
Jessie J—Hidden Secrets
Secrets on the “loose”: Is a misspelt tattoo the only bodyart Jessie J’s pants are pulled high to hide?

Arts, culture, tech. & funnies

Currently a hot fluid topic with regards new introduced UK porn laws branded “ridiculous” (19th Dec. 2014) that prohibit the display of such along with myrid forms of being trussed up like poultry which, in the mindseye of some may involve pink furry handcuffs and a bedpost, but stocks, hemp rope, whips and gynaecological implements in others.

“Almost every conversation about female ejaculation devolves into a discussion of whether or not it is ‘real’. Though a whole genre of pornography is dedicated to celebrating the phenomenon, filmmakers are routinely accused of faking it with some kind of studio magic.”

Perhaps so, and perhaps because that “whole genre of pornography”—likely propogated because “there is no physical, visible proof of female orgasm” was the first any of us —male and female a like, apart from those women who do experience, of whom I can honestly say I feel has piqued as much curiosity as doubt. I’m also curious as to whether the “don’t trust women to tell you” applies to other women too, assuming that not all woman, who I assume subjectively know their own bodies and personal experiences too, are convinced either.

“When a recent scientific study investigating the phenomenon identified two forms of female ejaculation and argued that the more common ‘squirting’ form was comprised primarily of fluid from the bladder, many crowed with delight to have ‘proof’ that what ladies had ‘mistaken’ for a sign of sexual pleasure was merely a form of arousal-induced incontinence. (Notably, the second, rarer form of female ejaculation—deemed more ‘legitimate’ by the study—bore a slight resemblance to male ejaculate.)”

They have proof that ladies were “mistaken?” For sure, I’m pretty certain that what has undoubtedly become in a squirted gush a mainstream fixture of porn features is indeed, I’ll state upfront, a rather enjoyable but socially sanitised euphemism, often involving “studio magic” taking a break in filming so the actress can fill her vagina with water using a turkey baster so as to to give a visable female porn star equivalent of a Peter North climatic soaking, known in the industry as “the money shot”. It’s either that or sort of X-(Wo)men biological ejaculationary evolution has happened to a very sizeable proportion of female performers within the last half-decade or so or they have been keeping the cork in all these years due to industry/social taboos.

With regards the “the second, rarer form” I’m loath to say that I think perhaps we did have a rather regrettable term for potentially projectile “vaginal lubrication” circa British toilet humour comic (pun acknowledged but not intended) Viz (Wikipedia) lamentably with “fanny batter” (, and actually an even more antiquated one with “quim” which although today in British slang is a derogatory or vulgar term for the vagina itself was during the Victorian-era a word that was used specifically to refer to the fluids produced by the vagina, specifically during orgasm.

From a more serious source, The Naked Ape author Desmond Morris concurs with its authenticity—and its misidentification:

“While on the subject of the female urethra, it is important to mention ‘female ejaculation.’ In the male, the urethral tube delivers both urine and seminal fluid containing sperm. In the female it is usually believed that it delivers only urine, but this is not the case. When there is an unusually powerful orgasm, some females may emit a liquid from their urethral openings that is not urine. There are specialized glands surrounding the urethral tube, called Skene’s glands, or para-urethral glands, similar to the male’s prostate, and under extreme stimulation they produce an alkaline liquid that is chemically similar to male seminal fluid. Women who experience ejaculation (which ranges in quantity from a few drops to a few tablespoonfuls), sometimes imagine that the extreme muscular exertions of their climactic moments have forced them into involuntary urination, but this is simply because they do not understand their own physiology. Nor, incidentally, did some medical authorities, who insisted that ejaculating women were suffering from ‘urinary stress incontinence’ and suggested operations to cure it.”—Desmond Morris, The Clitoris, A-Spot, G-Spot and U-Spot (

Lux suggests that the medical authorities’ confusion pervades into pop culture:

“The skepticism about women’s ability to understand their own sexual responses shows up in pop culture too; in the first season of Amazon’s Transparent, a character who mentions squirting with a partner is immediately asked whether she wasn’t merely urinating.”

But again, perhaps that’s because that “more common ‘squirting’ form” euphemism portrayed in pornography has been the more often, and likely assumed exposure when on the search engine Road to with Bing. And that is likely the “proof” those doubting claim.

“But why is there still an assumption that women can’t understand or describe what we experience during sex? It’s perfectly clear to any woman who has ejacluated that doing so is a unique experience unto itself….”

For sure, I’ve no doubt, but many only found out where the clitoris was, and what should be done with it, perusing porn, and it is likely that porn has been their only experience of female ejaculation; perhaps sex education manuals and articles, as often wrote by women as by men, should educate, saving porn and it’s confused euphemisms from shouldering the burdon—with much credit due to Lux for article as exemplar.

“Female ejaculators know firsthand that even, if the fluid they emit during orgasm comes from the bladder, it looks, smells and feels different from urine. And it’s hard to ignore that the experience of spontaneously expelling fluid in the height of orgasm is fundamentally different from the more intentional act of voiding one’s bladder. But regardless of the biological basis of female ejaculation,…”

For sure, if it’s rocking it for you then it’s society’s problem, not yours—unless you are filming it, in which case it now is, alas, with those regretable new porn laws.

“…the physical experience is, at its heart, a pure expression of female sexual pleasure. Insisting that female ejaculation is really just confused urination doesn’t just denigrate women’s ability to understand our own bodies—it also positions female sexual pleasure as filthy, dirty, and ultimately less than the celebrated male orgasm.”

Keywords which I’m fairly sure feature at some point in the squirt search too, for either sex according to Pornhubs poll ( And the “celebrated male orgasm” is still often positioned as “filthy, dirty” too when externally rather than internally squirted, outside of porn’s “money shot” at least.

Honestly, without hesitation, without judgement, but with respect and pleasure in and for your enjoyment, for sure, squirt all you damn well enjoyably please. But for our poll, I think we will stick to the original, more pertinent question, albeit about what is seen in porn at least.

Poll: Female ejaculation, real or…

Wee mixed with climactic chemical cocktail perhaps 46%
It’s a socially sanitised euphemism 38%
Other 13%
Absolutely 3%

This poll has now been archived.

Recent/related stories:

“There were actual boos from the crowd when Kaci was named in fourth position, behind Miss USA’s Nia Sanchez and Miss Ukraine’s Diana Jarkusha and 22 year-old student Vega, with people on Twitter claiming the result was a fix. Despite the audience’s disappointment, Miss Vega was gushing and thankful on taking the title and said she would wear the crown with ‘pride and excitement’.”

But of course Twitter is a fickle thing where “populist” is often defined by who Kanye West thought should have won and tweets are known to claim black is white if it is the only way of getting other tweeters attention. But without supporting evidence or at the very least coherent speculation beyond laying blame under Donarld Trump’s ginger syrup, lets just call that sour social grapes and give well deserved congratulation to Paulina.

“Now in it’s 63rd year, the pageant business has incredible importance in South America, where Colombians celebrate the win like the World Cup final, dancing in the streets to celebrate. ”

Whereas in other parts of the world it was all forgotten minutes later when #SuperBowlCommercials (Twitter) was trending.

Here’s the pics.

Recent/related stories:

Miss South Africa Rolene Strauss was crowned Miss World (Pick of the Week, 19th December 2014)
Miss Nevada Nia Sanchez crowned Miss USA 2014 (Pick of the Week, 13th June 2014)

With Microsoft’s decision to deliver free upgrades to Windows 10 (, it’s new HoloLens piqued interest: here’s what you need to know (

Microsoft HoloLens
“As holograms, your digital content will be as real as physical objects in the room. For the first time, holograms will…”

Hey, I’m in!

Recent/related stories:

Is Google Glass doomed? (Pick of the Week, 19th December 2014)

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Tags: Adrianne Curry, Amber Rose, Ariana Grande, Bai Ling, Blac Chyna, Cara Delevingne, Charli XCX, Chelsea Handler, Dakota Johnson, Demi Lovato, Hilary Swank, Jessica Simpson, Jessie J, Jodie Marsh, Kendall Jenner, Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Stella Hudgens, Stephanie Davis.

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Illustrations, paintings, and cartoons featuring caricatured celebrities are intended purely as parody and fantasised depictions often relating to a particular news story, and often parodying said story and the media and pop cultural representation of said celebrity as much as anything else. Who am I really satirising? Read more.

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