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Pick of the week

Pick of the Week

9th October 2013

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Here’s my grab-bag pick of last weeks best illustration inspiring celebrity gossip, scandals, arts, entertainment, & just plain quirky stories & picture sexiness. A weekly round-up for busy pervs. There’s pictures—reading optional.

Disclaimer: Any comments I make are purely satirical, totally without foundation, and will damn well swear black is bloody white too if Iggy Azalea’s ass is involved!

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Last weeks best stories & pics

Pick of the week: illustrated sexy celebrity entertainment and quirky stories
Pick of the week: illustrated sexy celebrity entertainment and quirky stories
Rihanna, “Pour It Up”

Rihanna claimed the twerking throne with “Pour It Up” video (

“Rihanna serves as a stripping ringleader in the dreamy and dark visual which takes place in a surreal strip club, where the ladies twerk and pole dance over a pool of water.”

The Daily Mail did not miss the opportunity to express outrage supporting its campaign to clean up the Internet: Rihanna, “Pour It Up” Outrage over “vile” Rihanna video for Pour It Up that even her own fans hate (

“Hundreds took to social networking sites to tell the singer that she should be ashamed of herself over the X-rated images in Pour It Up.”

I’m not actually sure old Mrs MacSporran in Tobermory is really a “fan” though, nor her remote aunt Effie either. It’s good to see them join Twitter though.

The Mail of course included plenty of example pictures and a clip of the vile video for inspection and a post-read googlage.

Rihanna, “Pour It Up”

Here’s RiRi’s “Pour It Up” music video photoshoot

Rihanna, “Pour It Up”

Behind the scenes ( and …

Updated 25th June 2015

Dead link. Apologies.

Updated 17th November 2013: behind the scenes image link changed.
Rihanna, “Pour It Up”

Some twerking tongue animated action (celebritytonguedigest

You can download the full “Pour it Up” music video in full here (, 101 MB | 00:03:16 | 1920x1080 | MP4). Preview image.

And if you wanna see more of those big butts twerking on water, you can download the making of “Pour it Up” here (, 47.7MB | 03:31 | 1280x720 | MP4). Preview image.

Please note: neither file has been uploaded by me, nor do I take responsibility for either. I’m just saving you a search.

Recent/related stories:

RiRi’s certainly not quitting giving it some tongue! (Pick of the Week, 19th September)
Selena Gomez, the debut fragrance

Selena Gomez’ protracted legal dispute with broke perfume company Adrenalina was thrown out of court but could still cost her millions (…

“The company—which is now out of business—claim Selena failed to honour a promotional appearance at Macy’s in Miami, as well as further promotional obligations across Mexico.”

Which she promptly settled with an out of court settlement for a lot less than the Daily Mail predicted (

“…the ‘Come & Get It’ cutie will pay the company an undisclosed settlement, rumored to be in the six figures, for backing out of an endorsement deal.”

I’m sure a bra was thrown in there too. You remember the stink now? It got more attention for this than anything it smelt like.

Selena Gomez, the debut fragrance
Selena Gomez, Adidas

Here’s SelGo getting leggy for Adidas (

Recent/related stories:

Selena Gomez professesd her love for Paulina Rubio (Latina Pick of the Week, 11th September)
Selena Gomez wore this to the VMA’s (Pick of the Week, 5th September)

Sofia Vergara claimed it for Colombia (Latina Pick of the Week 25th Sept.)…

Yogis have claimed it for Yoga (… Iggy Azalea

But rapper Iggy Azalea claimed Miley Cyrus actually pinched twerking from her (but some call that pants) (

“I don’t claim to understand the full history of twerking with any sort of precision, but I am 99% sure it didn’t come from a white lady in Australia two years ago.”

I think Iggy is only claiming that smiley Miley copied her twerking, not that she invented that booty move, asserting Miley was inspired by twerk battles at her shows which it seems prove quite popular:

“People just wanna see my butt.”

I wanna see Iggy’s butt. I’ll go along with anything if I’m gonna see Iggy’s butt. Honest.

Updated 25th June 2015

Nope, as you might have guessed, it was none of them.

“Twerk” dates back to 1820 according to the Oxford English Dictionary (

Although having its roots in early 1990s New Orleans “bounce” music scene, the word at least:

“… was first used as a noun in 1820, spelt ‘twirk’, to refer to a ‘twisting or jerking movement’ or ‘twitch’. The verb is believed to have emerged later in 1848, and the ‘twerk’ spelling was popularly used by 1901.”

For sure, changes in spelling have ensured a “twerker” has much more street cred and sex appeal than a “twitcher” (Wikipedia). But it wasn’t yet in the dictionary—but it is now:

“Twerk” and “Meh” added to Oxford Dictionary (

“Following twerking’s successful infiltration into popular culture, the dictionary’s definition describes it as ‘dancing in a sexually provocative manner, using thrusting movements of the bottom and hips while in a low, squatting stance’.”

With “Meh” presumably being what the old chaps blow indifferently to said dance move while they search and squint for a low, squatting stance pussy peek.

Miley Cyrus bobble butt figurine

Novilty makers know which backside to back up though: Doll makers create Miley Cyrus figurine that actually twerks (

“If you just can’t get enough of Miley Cyrus’ twerking antics, then you’re in luck: US doll makers Herobuilders have created a doll in her honour—complete with ‘bobble butt’—for those who fancy adding it to their mantelpiece.”

Yikes! The sticky-out tongue turns her into Day-of-the-Dead Miley! I’m sure at least one old fella will be posting pics of his old tool giving that figurine one up the bobble butt on Chapopolis.

Foam finger

And to be seasonal: Twerk or treat? Miley Cyrus set to be this Halloween’s most popular costume as foam fingers fly off the shelf (

“Indeed, vendor Trendy + Hip, only has one left in stock at $14.99—and for those who miss out shows how to make a DIY alternative.”

I’d suggest making a hasty retreat before someones DIY alternatives turn into FleshLight DIY alternatives.

Miley Cyrus, Terry Richardson photoshoot

Here’s Miley giving tits, ass, and tongue for Terry Richardson, finally answering that long pondered question—just how big those areolas? (

Updated 25th June 2015

Dead link. Apologies.

Recent/related stories:

Kim Kardashian, candid in Paris

Back to work: Kim Kardashian was keen to remind of her post-pregnancy assets in Paris…

Kim Kardashian, Mademoiselle C premiere

At the Mademoiselle C premiere (

Updated 25th June 2015

Dead links. Apologies.

Recent/related stories:

Kim Kardashian got a naked pregnant statue (Pick of the Week, 10th June)
Ke$ha Instagram ass

Ke$ha Instagramed her ass and “Glitter tits” (

“The 26-year-old uploaded a series of worryingly risqué shots via Instagram on Thursday, including two where her bottom is clearly on display.”

Worryingly, that’s actually the Daily mail running low on shocking Miley Cyrus ass headlines while the editor continues to suck that iconic foam finger campaigning to clean up the Internet and blaming it on Ed Miliband’s dad for hating Britain (

Ke$ha Instagram ass

You can catch Ke$ha’s Instagramed bits here (celebrityoopsdigest

Recent/related stories:

Rita Ora and Cara Delevingne BFF again

Awwh! Rita Ora and Cara Delevingne are BFF again (

“Their once inseparable friendship was reported to have soured after a row at Glastonbury. But self-declared ‘wifeys’ Rita Ora and Cara Delevingne looked like the best of friends again at the Chanel show at Paris Fashion Week….”

I thought it was Cara doing Rita up the bum at that DNYK bash that soured the milk, driving Cara to strap-on up RiRi’s bum for consolation. See, I wasn’t paying attention—the pictures in my head kept getting in the way.

Cara Delevingne, Stella Mccartney Paris Fashion Show

Here’s Cara at the Stella Mccartney’s Paris Fashion Show (

Recent/related stories:

Rita Ora got topless pin-up tattoo (Pick of the Week, 24th September)
Gwyneth Paltrow perfume campaign for Hugo Boss

Gwyneth Paltrow loosed her gluten-free baps under a blazer for Hugo Boss (

And don’t we all know someone who’s likely just jack hammered himself into oblivion over them?

Recent/related stories:

Candice Swanepoel, “Mesmerized”

Candice Swanepoel gave bikini contortions in three black and white videos shot exclusively for the relaunching of her website (

“Her latest offering … is titled ‘Mesmerized’ and features entrancing music by Dead Can Dance.”

Nice! Lets hope the site “under construction” “re-launch coming soon” message accompanying the Flash intro embedded YouTube video doesn’t have an extra extended stay like it does most regrettably for many a site that promotes while still under construction.

(P.S. Maurice would like to remind Candice and all that his services are available when his shift on the left shoe production line is over.)

Candice Swanepoel, Agua Bendita

Here’s Candice for Agua Bendita (

Updated 25th June 2015

Dead link. Apologies.

Info: Official site (

Recent/related stories:

Chrissy Teigen, NYC oops

Oops! Chrissy Teigen was so happy her boob nearly fell out of her top—made us happy too! (

Recent/related stories:

Jennifer Nicole Lee bikini malfunction

Oops! Jennifer Nicole Lee’s bikini malfunction bared her cho cho

Jennifer Nicole Lee Miami crack-shot

And gave more crack-shots at Miami Beach (

Recent/related stories:

.:: Top column 2 ::.
Rihanna gives good concert oops too!
As well as Pouring It Up in an “obscene”, “vile” and “pornographic” manner, Rihanna gives good concert oops too!

Arts, culture, tech. & funnies

Banksy monthlong New York scrawl

Banksy announced a monthlong scrawl on the streets of New York (

“Before you, you will see a ‘spray art’ by the artist Ban-sky. Or maybe not; it’s probably been painted over by now.”
Kate Moss by Banksy

The Guardian’s Jonathan Jones is not impressed though: If Banksy thinks he’s following in Warhol’s footsteps, he’s tripping (

“…he’s following in the footsteps of those 1980s heroes of art-as-popular-culture, Keith Haring and Jean-Michel Basquiat. He may be banal and untalented, but because he stretches his limited gifts across the urban landscape, he has a much cooler reputation.”
Sunny Land by George Grosz

Ouch! Jonathan is more impressed with the dadaists however, contending George Grosz’s caricatural drawings show how the first world war upended art.

“Wounded veterans, maimed and disfigured, mingle with prostitutes, fat-cat capitalists, wicked old generals and decadent bohemians in Grosz’s radically disillusioned art.”
Updated 18th October 2013.
Sirens of the Lambs
“Entitled ‘The Sirens of the Lambs,’ the moving installation features a corral of shrieking, animatronic stuffed animals aboard a slaughterhouse delivery truck.”
“Some Brooklyn residents have taken [to] covering over the artworks with cardboard and charging people who want to view them $20.00.”

Ohhh! That make’s Maurice sooOoo angry! All art should be free to use on his blog! (Please remember to click the ads though and feel free to donate.)

Banksy in New York pictures
Banksy in New York pictures (
Updated 11th October 2013.
Is this Banksy?
“A man in a flat cap and paint-spattered overalls was photographed trying to fix a ‘moving painting’ in a van which had broken down, as part of the artist’s month-long ‘exhibition’ in the U.S.”

Recent/related stories:

Sarah Lucas retrospective

A torn cotton T-shirt filled with melons & a vacuum-packed kipper: a retrospective of Sarah Lucas at the Whitechapel Gallery (

“As a general rule, Lucas’s sculptures never fawn or seek for our approval—they just exist…”

…and come back to haunt you on a hungover Sunday morning.

Recent/related stories:

Sarah Lucas is still doing… things with the female form (Pick of the Week, 1st October 2012)
Memory of Oceania by Henri Matisse

Henri Matisse’s cutouts form the centrepiece exhibition of Tate Modern’s 2014 programme (

“The variety, colour and line of Henri Matisse’s late works—cutouts from coloured paper ranging from small maquette designs for commissions to 3.5-metre compositions—form the centrepiece exhibition of Tate Modern’s 2014 programme.”

Think Matisse’s late work could be done by a child? Think again, says curator Sir Nicholas Serota (

“The exhibition, opening at Tate Modern next year, will show Matisse’s late works, produced after age and poor health compelled him to stop painting.”

Recent/related stories:

Micro-drum memory device

Mechanical vibration quantum entanglement brings quantum computing a bit closer (

“If one could build a computer that used the quantum property of entanglement, it could solve certain problems more rapidly than any conventional computer.”

Einstein derisively called quantum entanglement “spooky action at a distance” and didn’t like it one little bit, feeling quantum mechanics was incomplete and wasn’t telling the whole story.

A regular computer processes data as binary digits in the form of 0s (off) and 1s (on), known as bits. Quantum computers use quantum bits, or qubits (pronounced “cue-bits”) encoding data in a wave function which can be on or off at the same time, a state known as a “superposition” increasing the possible combinations, making the process data much faster—what could have taken years to process and complete could be done in mere seconds with the right set-up of qubits—and quantum entanglement makes the connection secure against eavesdroppers to boot.

Info: How quantum computers work (
Updated 27th November 2013.
“A fragile quantum memory state has been held stable at room temperature for a ‘world record’ 39 minutes—overcoming a key barrier to ultrafast computers.”

I think some porn on my drives has been in a quantum system for some time with qubits in a superposition state being able to turn me on and turn me off simultaneously.

Recent/related stories:

Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin to battle zombies in upcoming video game (

“A new video game for iOS and Android called ‘You Don’t Mess With Putin’ will see the Russian leader battle the undead led by the mystic Rasputin.”

Wait for the follow up where he travels to Transylvania in former Eastern bloc ally Romania to stake out vampires titled “Vlad the Impaler”.

Recent/related stories:

Vladimir Putin in lingerie painting seized (Pick of the Week, 5th September)
Silk Road

The Silk Road, the webs nefarious underground drugs and hitmen-for-hire bazaar was shut down by FBI (

“The items bought on Silk Road were purchased using virtual currencies such as Bitcoin, which made it very difficult for police to ‘link transactions to individuals’.”

You can read a more in-depth account of the shutdown here by Internet security sleuth and journalist Brian Krebs, of whom a set-up attempt was made back in July with heroin purchased on the Silk Road (

“Flycracker posted a new forum discussion thread titled, ‘Krebs Fund,’ in which he laid out his plan: He’d created a bitcoin wallet for the exclusive purpose of accepting donations from other members. The goal: purchase heroin in my name and address from a seller on the Silk Road….”


Updated 30th May 2015.

Convicted Silk Road founder Ross Ulbricht sentenced to life in prison (

Ross Ulbricht

“In a letter filed to the court earlier this week, Ulbricht pleaded with the judge not to send him away for life. ‘Please leave a small light at the end of the tunnel, an excuse to stay healthy, an excuse to dream of better days ahead and a chance to redeem myself in the free world before I meet my maker.’ In the end, [Judge] Forrest rejected Ulbricht’s plea.

“‘It was a carefully planned life’s work,’ Forrest told him Friday. ‘It was your opus.’ … Prosecutors and the FBI also alleged that Ulbricht was a ‘kingpin’ who hired people over the Internet to kill those trying to extort him for cash.”

Updated 15th January 2015.

Silk Road trial: Ross Ulbricht found guilty of running drug-dealing website (

“Ulbricht [Dread Pirate Roberts] was found guilty on all counts, which included narcotics trafficking, computer hacking, money laundering, conspiracy to traffic fraudulent IDs and engaging in continuing criminal enterprise. He will be sentenced on 30 May and could face between 20 years and life in prison. … Ulbricht's defence said the 30-year-old created Silk Road, but found running the site ‘too stressful after a few months, and he handed it off to others‘ [and] was lured back into running the website after its owners found out an FBI raid was imminent. Dratel described Ulbricht as the perfect ‘fall guy.’”

Which, as I had to learn the hard way in the—I’m not kidding—equally dog-eat-pussy world of academia-as-business some years years ago, you have to cultivate a ability and often default disposition to say “no”.

Updated 15th January 2015.

“A federal agent told jurors on Wednesday he covertly became an employee of the website Silk Road, chatting with its operator about ‘damn regulators’ minutes before authorities arrested the man they believe ran the online black market.”

Updated 13th November 2014.

FBI shuts down black market website Silk Road 2.0 (Pick of the Week 13th Nov. 2014).
Updated 13th November 2014.

Updated 25th November 2013.

Silk Road 2
“…in the aftermath of the original’s closure the imitators that emerged repeatedly failed to meet customer expectations … [and most promptly shutting, taking user bitcoins with them]. Silk Road 2.0 is positioning itself as the saviour—stepping in where others failed, and taking a moral stance based in the advocacy of privacy.”

But is it a locked tent leaving you sitting on your camel outside?

“No new users are allowed, unless they have been recommended by an existing user (from the old site), and everyone’s behaviour will be carefully monitored. ‘Those who invite spammers or trolls who have their accounts deleted will also face repercussions so please only invite those who are customers or associates,’ said the new DPR.”

That’s made Belgian Maurice whine then; last I saw he was trying to procure a crate of RPG-7s to ensure everything on the internet stayed open and under the hammer of the proles free to all (please feel free to donate on his blog and remember, ads help support the cause, unsubscribers to be relocated to the Gulag Archipelago).

Recent/related stories:

And on a much more serious note…

Breast Cancer Awareness month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, but “support” from Pornhub caused a stir (

“…the website announced it would donate 1 cent for every 30 views of breast-related videos, ‘meaning the more boobs that are viewed, the more money that will be showered upon the Susan G. Komen Foundation.’”

Critics say the thousands of pink products produced and companies lending their supposed support for breast cancer is more for the benefit of those companies than the charity, sighting the promotion as a perfect example.

You know, I think they have a point there. Well, if you get me to illustrate anything for you it won’t help breast cancer at all, but I’ll still raise a flag for such a worthy charity, so wear it pink for October.

Info: You can visit the official Breast Cancer Campaign site to find out more Breast Cancer Awareness Month 2013 (

Worthy cause aside, the sight of bare boobs on breakfast telly is always likely to spill the milk on anything but the cornflakes: Breast examination shock on Lorraine Viewers shocked by topless woman on breakfast TV (

“Viewers took to Twitter to express their shock at the nudity, with one user writing: ‘I know they are talking about breast cancer awareness on Lorraine, but are they actually allowed to have someone half naked on TV at 9am??’”

You wait until it’s testicular cancer month!

Fact: Breast cancer is the most common cancer affecting women worldwide, with one in eight women in the UK expected to be diagnosed with the disease in their lifetimes.
Updated 14th October 2013.
No Bra Day on Twitter (
“Twitter went braless [on Monday] as thousands found ways of commemorating No Bra Day, apparently in aid of breast cancer awareness.”

Recent/related stories:

Recent/related stories:

Catch snaps & stories for next month’s picks daily in latest picks.

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If we are in touch I’d be very grateful if you’d send it along.

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Tags: Candice Swanepoel, Cara Delevingne, Chrissy Teigen, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jennifer Nicole Lee, Kesha Rose Sebert, Kim Kardashian, Iggy Azalea, Miley Cyrus, Rihanna, Rita Ora, Selena Gomez.


Illustrations, paintings, and cartoons featuring caricatured celebrities are intended purely as parody and fantasised depictions often relating to a particular news story, and often parodying said story and the media and pop cultural representation of said celebrity as much as anything else. Who am I really satirising? Read more.

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